Fredcat's Diary
Fredcat has been suggesting to his best human friend Cathie for some time that the wilderness in front of her house could be transformed by the purchase and planting of a few attractive plants and shrubs. Cathie agreed - which was good news!
Supervising the planting
This decision led to a fine-fingered horticultural person, viz. relative Jane, designing a shrubbery in place of the large but mostly empty flower bed which had remained dormant for over three years. Ten anonymous-looking boxwood shrubs stood sentinel in a line in this area, a legacy of the house builder. The area was flat, and had been simply covered with mulch for much of its existance. Mr. B. thought that it entirely suited Fredcat's personality!
Not so apparently. Egged on by the imperious cat, the Jane lady collected vast amounts of shrubs from the local nurseries and brought them back to the house in three (yes, three!) truckloads. Fredcat was amazed and yet pleased to see so much greenery. Clearly, things were looking up! Cathie's male relatives were soon press-ganged into action - six boxwoods were moved out of sight around the corner, and a huge holly tree (bush?) was relocated (a process taking some four man hours) to another distant part of the back garden. Shame!
Once the area was clear the design lady got to work laying out all the shrubs, under the watchful eye of out famous friend who occasionally offered his own suggestions. These were, for once, largely ignored - for one must never interrupt an expert in full flow! It was noticeable that few paws were lifted in anger during the day as this all went on. Fredcat opined that he was merely copying the actions of his mistress who is must be said kept the feeding bowl well filled and the drinks flowing.
As night fell there were still scores of shrubs to be planted and Fredcat was quick to stay well clear as the evening watering took place. At nightfall he left the house and strolled around his new garden, sniffing out all the new smells and marking his new revised territory - stay away, intruders! A careful landowner, indeed. More work awaits and will be started tomorrow, doubtless under Fredcat's careful supervision (of course).
Fredcat decided to toy with his human friends today. He started by pretending not to want any food which had been set out for him. Initially, he was offered a fresh packet of cat meat. "No, thanks", he sniffed, then took a quick pad around to the fridge door, hoping to find something new.
Keeping an eye out for spiders ....
"OK", said his human, who had yet to learn how to say a firm "no" to a cat. In any case the meat may have been off, and no way was said human going to test it himself! A new dish was thus set forth before the master. "Ugh, ugh", said the self-important little monster. "Where is the good stuff? The beef and prawns?" he chirped.
It has been observed that when a cat wants something special to eat there are a variety of sounds that may accompany the request. In this case Fredcat was making it quite clear - quite loudly - that the offerings in the food department were unacceptable. A small serving of prawns was therefore presented to His Lordship, and a new pack of biscuits opened. "Hmmm, that was an improvement", mused you know who. Five single bites of biscuit later, Fredcat marched to the door and waited for the "butler" to open it. Halfway across the opened portal, Fredcat stopped and proceeded to groom himself - for several minutes.
Two minutes after finally passing through the door, Fredcat was back via his own personal set of cat doors. He returned immediately to the original dish of meat - and consumed the lot! Then, wearing a very self-satisfied smirk, he strolled back to the front door, waited patiently and soundlessly for the "butler" to arrive, and exited once more. After all, it was a nice sunny day and he could watch with great interest the building of the 3' diameter (!) spider's web which was in the process of being being woven above the front door. He settled down to await his mistress' reaction when she saw the web later - it was somewhat difficult to miss! Malicious feline!.
Fredcat stretched himself as he blinked in the morning sunshine and found that the world outside had returned to normal now that Hurricane Isabel had left for pastures new. Isabel had left behind vast numbers of leaves and twigs, together with some large-ish branches littering the lawn and driveway.
A Carolina Blue day
Neighbours had already started to remove debris from their paths, using blowers. ("Watch out or you could be blown away too", said Mr. B.) Fredcat thought that he might use some of the debris that was being collected and build himself a twig house of his own. There he might develop it as a command shelter and equip it to meet all the modern needs of a mission leader.
The most important elements would be an emergency cache of food and some liquid refreshments, then (of course!) a bed, he mused. Living and sleeping outdoors virtually all the time would require a comfortable resting place to think through his future missions.
Unfortunately it was at this point that the effort of all this planning took its toll and the next moment Fredcat had fallen asleep. When he awoke the sky had turned a brilliant blue colour apparently known as "Carolina Blue".
To Fredcat it seemed that Carolina Blue was infinitly more pleasant than Carolina Mud Grey with its recent hurricane winds and rains. Thoughts of building his command post having receded, Fredcat returned indoors to seek out some tea, despite his regular mealtime being some way off. One cannot expect a famous cat to be responsible for everything now, can one?
A host of new visitors have come to visit Fredcat's website, many delivering all sorts of nice comments. A bit of preening does a cat no harm, thought Fredcat. ("How can you tell?", asks Mr. B.). Some visitors from "Down Under" and from Florida have their own websites, and these are very good. Indeed, Fredcat demanded that one particular website Flippy's Cat Page be added to his Fredcat's website! The nerve of him! But we are here to serve, so added it has been. Check it out!
Welcome to my friends
Fredcat has requested that his recently appointed VP of Marketing replies on Fredcat's behalf to say "Thank You" to all these nice people who visited and who took the time to comment on his website - he hopes they will continue to drop in from time to time. Meanwhile, the Famous One's thoughts have been turning more and more to the looming threat of hurricane Isabel. Apparently, the gale is now a category 2 (with winds at a more modest 110 mph) and although Fredcat personally lives about 200 miles from the forecast path of the hurricane's eye he suspects it will markedly affect his activities over the next couple of days. We shall see. Batten down your feline hatches, Fredcat!
The tracking of the hurricane by local meteorologists is very enlightening; it appears possible to predict with some accuracy when the "eye" will reach the coast. These clever people also reckon that the hurricane will speed up from its current speed of 9 mph to double that as it hits the mainland. They have sophisticated computer models to predict all this and it is touching to see them competing to be the most up to date in the direness of their predictions.
Fredcat is not very interested in all this. The weekly grocery shopping trip took place today, and he was particularly pleased to see that all the necessary items for his consumption were included in the groceries unloaded from the car. Someone will doubtless both eat and sleep well over the next few days, whatever happens!
A hurricane, codenamed Isabel, is heading towards North Carolina! and Fredcat has noticed a change in people's attitudes towards this scary event. Last December when the Ice Storms came, there seemed to be a relaxed air all around as if to say, "Well it is just the normal weather one might expect at this time of the year".
Waiting for the hurricane
But it seems to be very different this time. Forecasters say that on Thursday morning the hurricane is predicted to hit the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and cut a swathe across the eastern and partly central areas of the state before heading on towards Virginia. The shows citizens quietly going about the business of stocking up on essential goods - like foodstuffs that can be eaten without cooking, and batteries for when (if?) the power fails. The inhabitants on one of the offshore islands have already been ordered to leave and are taking the ferry to the mainland.
Meteorologists aren't sure whether the hurricane (originally a class 5 at 160 mph but recently downgraded to a class 3 because the winds are only going to roar around at 115 mph) will increase in speed as it nears the coast or not. Mother Nature tends to do whatever she wants to do and man (and that includes Fredcat) remains powerless to change such monstrous events. The main requirement, as far as Fredcat is concerned, is for his human friends to stock up on the necessities like cat food or, better still, prawns.
But Fredcat does not appreciate the wet stuff that a hurricane brings along in its wake. He just wants his human friends to "fix it", so that his life remains as tranquil as before. He also wishes to make it known that an automatic, electrically operated cat litter tray is not very efficient when the power is off and one has to revert to the bad old days of mechanical toiletry or even worse, nipping outside in the rain. Brrrrr.
A hurricane, codenamed Isabel, is heading towards North Carolina! and Fredcat has noticed a change in people's attitudes towards this scary event. Last December when the Ice Storms came, there seemed to be a relaxed air all around as if to say, "Well it is just the normal weather one might expect at this time of the year".
Waiting for the hurricane
But it seems to be very different this time. Forecasters say that on Thursday morning the hurricane is predicted to hit the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and cut a swathe across the eastern and partly central areas of the state before heading on towards Virginia. The shows citizens quietly going about the business of stocking up on essential goods - like foodstuffs that can be eaten without cooking, and batteries for when (if?) the power fails. The inhabitants on one of the offshore islands have already been ordered to leave and are taking the ferry to the mainland.
Meteorologists aren't sure whether the hurricane (originally a class 5 at 160 mph but recently downgraded to a class 3 because the winds are only going to roar around at 115 mph) will increase in speed as it nears the coast or not. Mother Nature tends to do whatever she wants to do and man (and that includes Fredcat) remains powerless to change such monstrous events. The main requirement, as far as Fredcat is concerned, is for his human friends to stock up on the necessities like cat food or, better still, prawns.
But Fredcat does not appreciate the wet stuff that a hurricane brings along in its wake. He just wants his human friends to "fix it", so that his life remains as tranquil as before. He also wishes to make it known that an automatic, electrically operated cat litter tray is not very efficient when the power is off and one has to revert to the bad old days of mechanical toiletry or even worse, nipping outside in the rain. Brrrrr.
As has been mentioned earlier, one of the problems of fame is instant recognition. Just when one wants to travel incognito, the paparazzi discover you and, Flash! your photograph is in the daily newspaper and your clandestine mission is immediately compromised.
Italian double, welcome Agent Emi!
Step forward, therefore, Agent Emi, a charming Italian double for Fredcat. Being a Fredcat double can be a risky business and volunteers are assured of only one thing - glory. That suits Fredcat as he has little use for material things, like money and property (well ..... that's not strictly true, as Fredcat likes to eat rather well and sleep comfortably and both these activities demand pleasant surrounds, supported by a full set of credit cards).
Although Agent Emi's responsibilities have never been completely defined, it appears that there needs to be co-ordination of agent activity in the Mediterranean area as several untoward events have been taking place in that general location. These events may or may not involve our famous friend but it would be sensible to have a friendly face with timely information and specialised advice if and when the time comes to take action. Benvenuto, Agent Emi, nuestra amica piccola!
Fredcat has been thinking for weeks about broadcasting his diary to a wider audience, so decided that the time was ripe to establish a new position in his organisation. The exact title of the new post is not yet clear - as a UK cat Fredcat wanted to name it Director of Marketing. The incumbent, however, wants to be called VP Marketing.
New Marketing push
Apparently, the only applicant was Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie (Editor's note: a suspiciously large number of resumes/CVs were later discovered near to the shredder). Once appointed, Cathie immediately proposed that it was time to expand Fredcat's potential audience by advertising - and this has already proved highly successful. Indeed, so successful was it that Cathie has already requested a cut of the profits, based upon the increases in the numbers of new Fredcat the Famous readers. She is quite the aggressive marketer - but she will be sadly disappointed as there is no income at all, just expenses!
At the first board meeting following her appointment, Cathie reported that there were now well over 500 unique visitors to the Fredcat the Famous website. She started to spout percentage visitor increases on this figure and absolute increases on that figure but this all went way over Fredcat's head. "I know I am famous", he clucked menacingly, (sorry, purred - some folk still think of him as a little chicken as he is so sweet!). "It is just your job to tell everyone that".
Fredcat thinks that this increased interest in him might be short-lived, and he wants the new VP to create additional marketing plans to maintain the status quo, for Fredcat, of course, has more than enough to think about deciding which of various missions to tackle without bothering his head about the minutiae of administration. Even though he is famous, very intelligent and extraordinarily well read (or so he claims), he cannot do everything. But, nontheless, he is secretly impressed with this new influx of visitors. There was even a visitor from Latvia! - which came as a total surprise. This led to Fredcat to seek information on Lativia, using his favourite Google search engine, and he learned a lot about the country and its peoples. Well, there is an educated cat for you!
Fredcat has discovered an amazing translation package - a really interesting feature of Google's various search sites. At no cost to Fredcat (he likes that part, of course!) his whole Fredcat the Famous website is translated instantly into a new language of his choosing! Great news - Fredcat's admirers can now enjoy reading about him in their own tongue(s)!
Translated cat
To check out Fredcat is various languages, do the following: First click on to a Google search engine, and click on "Language Tools". Then scroll down to "Translate a web page" and type in "Fredcat.net". Finally, click on the drop down arrow and scroll down until you come to the language translations of your choice (for example, English to French, English to Italian). Click on "Translate", wait a few seconds, and, lo and behold! Fredcat the Famous web site in the language you chose!!! Bien entendu! (Fredcat chose to translate it into French).
Fredcat has been trying this out in other languages offered - Italian, Portuguese, German, and Spanish. This is so cool! But, as regular readers will know already, the Famous Fredcat is not very good at languages so he does not quite appreciate how good a device these translation tools are. Nevertheless, he is very grateful that such a facility exists and feels that this is yet another reason to give loads of feline-based praise to these good Google folk. They must work very hard to carry out the translations in only a few seconds - hardly time to wolf down a chunk of best beef and - bang - there is it, done! It's almost like magic ...
Fredcat has received the year's first brochures offering for sale 2003's Hallowe'en costumes for all the family. Fredcat finds the "trick or treat" idea a little strange since, in his experience, nobody goes for the "trick" option. Last year some very tiny tots "tottered" up to the front door, dressed in fantasy-style clothes, demanding candy. At least that what it seemed like.
Where are the Hallowe'en costumes?
In England the idea of Hallowe'en is less well developed. This must be because it takes an age to make the costumes and many older folk won't open the door that evening because they are frightened - which is sad.
Anyway, in the latest brochure there are costumes not just for humans but also for selected members of the animal community. D*gs are fully catered for since, in Fredcat's opinion, they are just too dozy to object to being dressed up! Cats, on the other hand, prefer their independance and might just take offence to being draped with coloured accoutrements (by giving you a scratch or two).
The brochure for cat costumes actually limits itself to pictures of a scarf and a top hat which will only take the average cat a few microseconds to shake off. In spite of that, Fredcat much prefers Hallowe'en to Bonfire Night (November 5th) in England - "celebrations" of which seem to last for several weeks and appear to consist of nightly uncontrolled displays of fireworks - which scare both cats and d*gs. What a carry on!
Fredcat knows that a number of folk who have a rare health condition called Addison's Disease peeked at his website in recent days. He says "Welcome" to them all! As a healthy cat he is nontheless aware that others have to manage health problems in different ways and Fredcat recognises that he is a fortunate cat indeed not to have such a condition.
No Addison's Disease for this lucky cat
It seems to Fredcat that the human body is very much more complex than a feline's - even one as famous as Fredcat's. These Addison's folk often have a set of related conditions, especially diabetes, which is almost threatening to become out of control in many parts of the world. Everywhere he turns, doctors say to him, "Slim down, my friend, and stave off the threat of diabetes", but that is not so easy when one enjoys beef as much as Fredcat does. Whatever do humans do in these situations?
Luckily Fredcat has plenty to occupy himself with dealing with his missions and demanding that his diary is kept fully up to date. He has now well passed the 300 count of unique visitors to his website - this is great! He has also noticed that a second visitor has arrived from New Zealand so he says another polite Hi! (G'day?) to them.
Fredcat is currently full of praise for Google. The interest in his diary - indeed his whole website! - has increased considerably since both USA and UK Google search engines have taken an interest in his writings. Fredcat has added Google to his thanks
page.
Googling cat #1!
This is almost all too much for a cat used to dealing with fame with ease. Another look at the statistics shows that someone from New Zealand has also looked in on the website. That's nice! But of course, of one the problems of being very well known is that it becomes more and more difficult to travel incognito. Thankfully this not need concern Fredcat overmuch, as he still has his well-used HT travelling cube.
Even though he has the HT cube, Fredcat still baulks at planning overseas trips when it is raining. For some reason, the weather in his part of North Carolina has been extremely wet this summer. Hardly a day has gone by without some cloudy sky threatening rain - and you know how our famous friend hates that wet stuff. Anyway the forecast is better this week at around a constant 80F so there is hope for a further Fredcat mission if all the planning meets with Fredcat's approval. Fredcat is not one of those cats that believes in "keeping it in the planning stage" - no, sir! He likes to get started and get going. An adventurous cat indeed!
Fredcat has just taken a look at his latest visitor list. He was amazed to find that someone from Australia has actually viewed his web site. Fredcat avoided any lapses into "Aussie" talk - as he is very proud of his English accent - but he says "Hello! and Welcome" anyway to this far flung visitor, since he is, after all, a very polite cat.
International cat
Then he looked more closely and saw that there has been another visitor from a far off place, this time from Egypt! Being a much travelled feline he knows his way around the world and appreciates all contacts from wherever they occur in the globe. As the number of international visitors grows, Fredcat will try to welcome them appropriately but his knowledge of some languages, (actually pretty much all of them, scoffs Mr. B.!) is shaky to say the least.T
Fredcat has recently received a couple of interesting e-mails from admirers. One was from a pretty racy lady cat called Charlie who had the audacity to send him a wink - despite the scowl of her boyfriend Mahjong. Moose has also written in to say that, like Fredcat, he also has been "in the wars", having lost both an eye and a tail. Fredcat knows that as an indoor/outdoor cat he needs to keep his wits sharpened for any location he finds himself in.
The main requirement for being an outdoor cat is to have sharp claws available at all times. As many cats in the USA are permanently of the indoor variety they inevitably find themselves de-clawed. Fredcat is not sure if that would help him in his universal fight against crime as he needs to be very mobile (as visitors will notice, the battle against the automatons in a nose for trouble necessitated Fredcat to be flexibile). But never mind about that, there will always be a place for any cat in the Fredcat organisation no matter how they are physically; he reckons that it's what inside the cat that counts. How noble!
Fredcat was up early this morning, purring relentlessly in the direction of his human helper at something like 6am going on 4am. There is no getting away from such insiduous behaviour. Turning over is not an viable option; the very motion is a signal for Fredcat to redouble his efforts.
Grumbling cat
The reason for this behaviour is clear; Fredcat is still grumbling about the approach taken to his website and is using his early awakenings to cunningly take his revenge. Fredcat usually has a serious outlook to life and has little in the way of humour to redress the balance. Helping to solve the problems of two nations is hard work, with little time for amusement. Those around him are just hoping Fredcat won't turn into some sort of a grouch, that would never do.
To take his mind off things, Fredcat was told about the changes taking place in the neighbourhood. Building has begun on a new house nearby and work starts very early in the morning. It is not unusual for the builders to start up their machines from 7am (a work start time unheard of the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, Fredcat opines). This is well noted by Fredcat who likes to take his morning constitutional around 6.15am each morning. If there is any delay to his stroll or if the building machines have started then Fredcat day is completely out of sync. Then he gets cross, especially if it is raining. There is no containing a cat's peevishness if he cannot get out because of watery stuff damping his glossy coat. Nasty stuff!
On another matter entirely, following Fredcat's ascent into the US Google stratosphere, Fredcat has demanded that his diary be split into several sections to make it more reader-friendly. This has been done. Fredcat's humans think such changes pointless really, but check it out and see.
Fredcat was dictating his latest diary entry today when he leaned over and clicked on to the search engine Google, and typed in "Fredcat". He was pleased to see that his website was indeed listed - and on page one, to boot!
Google Cat!
Fredcat looked more closely at the reference in Google and noted that the commentary contained in his Fredcat webpage was described as being "droll and wryly humorous". He was not particularly pleased to read that facetious comment, and complained bitterly to Mr. B. It took quite a few prawns to placate the irate little ginger chap. There is clearly a feeling in the Fredcat noodle that if there is not considerable improvement in the reporting department then heads will roll. Apparently there is no pleasing some folk!
Over the next month or so, Fredcat will be examining the results of his appearance in Google. He understands that some web masters are quite anxious to have their website's names up in lights on the important Google search engine pages, but thinks that his own appearance just goes to show that if you are kind and sensible (and, let's not forget, modest) a reward can be achieved without having to turn cartwheels.
It is clear, however, that the famous Fredcat is very pleased. It did not, however, stop him scooting off to complain again to Mr. B. who will doubtless cough up some more sweeteners to assuage his reporting guilt.
The holiday dates in the UK and USA are not synchronized. On Monday 25th August it was the turn in the UK of the "Late Summer Holiday" - which used to be called the August Bank Holiday. Yesterday, a week later, in the USA, it was the turn of "Labor Day". There is no real link between the two holidays.
Time Off With Pay
The lasting result of both holidays, however created, is that they are now broadly seen as a chance to have a long weekend at the end of Summer. Hmmm! The notion of an additional day of rest from work (fought strongly for to the extent of prison by some) is now fading, and new rights are being demanded. The net result of both holidays is that both are simply seen as a chance of a long weekend at the end of Summer.
Apparently workers in the USA receive less holiday (vacation) time than their counterparts in Europe. Is this true? In some companies this vacation time is called, rather quaintly (albeit, accurately) "Time Off With Pay". This means that "Sickness Absence" is included in the total holiday time allowed so the practice of taking one's allocation of additional "Sickness Absence" on top of one's annual holiday entitlement is difficult if not impossible in the USA. One just works - and one is rarely "Sick!"
Freddcat wonders what all the fuss is about. As far as he is concerned he works every day of his life. If he is not preening himself to appear adorable to his mistress, he is engaging in clandestine operations on behalf of the State as well as for Queen and Country. (Fredcat still has difficulty in deciding which has priority here.) If he is ill he is sure that nobody will berate him because of the universal good that he does. Is not everyone of the same attitude? In any case the menial "Mr. B." always clears up afterwards. What else would one expect of the management of the domestic affairs of a famous cat?