Welcome to Fredcat's diary - and checkout his tails later!

Monday, April 30^th 2007 (number 946)

May Day celebrant Fredcat! Large image

"I do like May Day, I feel like it's the real start of spring," said Fredcat. He looked around the outside of his residence and saw that everything was in order. Mr. B. had swept the front driveway and the garden was free of rubbish. Fredcat watched avidly as a tiny little bird hopped onto the nearest fence. "Ah! A new plaything," he said, softly and, keeping low to the ground, crept towards it. "What are you doing?" asked Mr. B. His voice startled the little bird which promptly flew upwards to the highest branches of a nearby mimosa tree. Fredcat glared at Mr. B. and gave up any attempt of stalking. It was such a nice day but it was already being ruined by this unhelpful human.

"Look, my friend," said Mr. B., "it's not May Day yet - that holiday's been redefined to be the first Monday of May so you've got another week to go yet before you can join your other felines dancing round the village maypole. And anyway, it's not a holiday here in America - you'd have to go back to England if you want to celebrate the May Day holiday." Mr. B. smiled to himself as he imagined a group of clumsy felines getting tangled in the coloured ribbons around a maypole. Some kittens enjoyed playing with string, but he couldn't begin to imagine a famous ginger and white cat doing it; he knew that, unlike humans, most felines can't distinguish colours.

"Well, if I can't have my best human friend, Cathie, home on a May Day holiday, then I want a tree house," replied Fredcat firmly, "Birds have all the fun; we felines are mainly stuck on the ground with only the fortunate few able to nimbly climb a tree. What all felines would love is a super tree house where we could eat, sleep and at least be on a par with birds. I'd love to be able to sit up there and look down onto my residence this summer, when it's hot; It would be so cool." He went into a daydream as he thought of a monstrous edifice made of wood with a cat ladder and cat doors, front and back, complete with a larder of food, and water on tap.

"I really don't know how you think of these things," said Mr. B., "Why can't you be content with your many beds around the Fredcat residence? Remember, there are rarely litter trays in tree houses so you'd have a lot of climbing up and down to do - and tree houses don't have elevators, you know!"

Fredcat grunted. He'd wait until Cathie came home from work and try out his tree house idea on her. He was sure she'd be sympathetic; meanwhile he turned on his spiffy new laptop and watched as one of his musical friends, Nora, the piano playing cat practise one of her new pieces on the piano. That was far nicer than listening to Mr. B. grumbling!

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Friday, April 27^th 2007 (number 945)

Showerproof Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat stalked into his famous residence, shaking wet stuff from his ginger and white coat. He stood for a moment, looking confused and then the words came tumbling out. "I was sleeping happily in the shrubbery in the front garden," he started, "You know - my favourite sleeping area where you've not long finished your annual gardening bit - where there's now lots of lovely new strong-smelling mulch laid down for my benefit? You know where I mean? It smells a bit like catnip, I think, though I'm not a catnip-type cat so I'm not really sure." Mr. B. nodded, remembering the hours of labour he'd put in on just that activity.

"I was so pleased to be there because the new mulch was much softer than the old stuff that had been there for the last year. Then suddenly, out of a clear blue sky with not a cloud anywhere ... Whoosh! came a torrent of rain which, luckily, stopped almost as soon as it had started."

"So, I'm standing there, licking myself dry and thinking how pleased I was that the shower passed so quickly, when Whoosh! it came again. And again! And again! What kind of rain is that, Mr. B.?! Quick, go onto my intawebs and see if there's anything on there about this freak rainfall that's wetting only me!"

When Mr. B. didn't move, the Famous One continued, "I tried to move to a different place in the shubbery but I just became wetter and wetter, I'm drenched. I had to run the gauntlet of this freaky meteorological showering attack." He shook his head and more water cascaded about, wetting the kitchen floor. Mr. B. frowned; he would have to mop that up.

Trying to keep a straight face, Mr. B. said, "Um, it's not rain, my feline friend. You need to think differently about water falling from the sky. What you felt was water from a new garden sprinkler I bought to replace the old one - and it looks as if it's working just fine." Here Mr. B. tried (and failed, miserably) to hide a smirk at the water-laden Fredcat. The Famous One simply glowered.

"You could always wear a wig or a hat if you're afraid of getting you fur wet," laughed Mr. B., "I bet you'd look wonderful in one of those." Mr. B. pulled an imaginary wig over his head and grinned, which only made the Mighty One crosser than ever.

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, finally came home from work she was not inclined to be too sympathetic towards Fredcat. "Mr. B. takes great pains to keep your shrubbery nice so that you can rest your weary bones therein," she said, "You'll just have to be on the lookout for the times when he needs to turn the sprinkler on, that's all. Don't be miserable! Come here, I'll sort you out," and picking the Mighty One up she soon had him purring and Mr. B. and his infamous watering system were but a distant memory. Until the next time that is!

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Wednesday, April 25^th 2007 (number 944)

Sleepyhead Fredcat! Large image

Today was going to be another day of beautiful hot weather and Fredcat made sure he'd had his fill of cat food and plenty of water before heading off towards his ... big box Christmas bed! He thought it a tad early yet for stretching out in the sunshine and he wanted to get in a few more hours sleep in the comfort of said big box Christmas bed before lunch. After lunch was another matter entirely. Mr. B. had very kindly left the door to the screened porch ajar and Fredcat was soon in. He found the warmest mid-day sunbeam and his famous ginger and white body was quickly stretched out to its maximum extent to allow cool breezes to fluff his sun-warmed body. He carefully considered his agenda for the rest of the day and decided to remain where he was for some time.

Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, had left her spiffy new laptop computer running downstairs and when he awoke the Mighty One found Mr. B. peering at its screen. Soon both males were fighting for space in front of the display watching a new virtual musical keyboard which allowed one to play simple tunes and Mr. B. (tongue sticking out from the side of his mouth in concentration) was trying out his skills. "You should stick to singing or whistling," said Fredcat, as Mr. B. gamely continued his efforts to extract a tune (any tune!) from the seemingly uncooperative computer program.

Fredcat stuffed his front paws into his ears to keep out the racket. Perhaps when Cathie came home she'd have a go; he thought, Fredcat knew she'd always fancied herself as a musician, even though singing Beatles songs were more in her line.

When Cathie arrived home she hastened upstairs to change into her casual wear for the evening. Fredcat followed her at a more leisurely pace and saw her examining herself in the mirror. "I don't know why you bother with those things," he opined, "You always look special to me."

"Why, thank you," said Cathie, feeling very pleased, and she gathered the Mighty One up in her arms. "Everyone likes to have nice things said to them, especially human females; it's nice to have someone say something flattering to you, whether at work or at home." Fredcat purred; he knew which side his bread was buttered on, and he needed something that only Cathie could give him in return.

"This hot weather is great, Cathie; it's so nice to lie out in it, but I'm afraid I need to shed a few bits of my famous ginger and white fur from my impressive body," he announced. "Mr. B. has tried to comb some of it out but he is far too tentative to do it properly, I need you to give me a good brush so that tomorrow I'll be able to stay out longer in the sun." He smiled a winning smile (marred only slightly by the v*t-induced gap in his front teeth).

"No problem," laughed Cathie, "I'll get out my new cat brush and give you a good brushing down; you'll look as good as any young kitten on the block." So together they went downstairs and soon there was the sound of bristles sweeping though the famous ginger and white fur as the two friends settled comfortably into their well rehearsed routine. Life was good ...

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Monday, April 23^rd 2007 (number 943)

Winding down Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat had thoroughly enjoyed his weekend. He'd had lots of fun with his best human friend, Cathie, but now the long work week lay ahead. Luckily the wonderful weather was going to continue; on Sunday Cathie and Fredcat had lazed around together all day except when Cathie had gone to the beauty salon. "You don't need to do that," Fredcat had remarked, "You'd be far better off staying here with me. And you're beautiful, anyway." Cathie had looked at the Mighty One and wished that she could do just that. With felines it was so easy; sit around all day, get fed and then groom themselves. Not for them the periodic visits to the hairdressers and the like. Yes, Cathie would make a great cat!

Before she left for work, Cathie reminded Fredcat that today was St. George's Day. Some English folk were all for making St. George's Day a national holiday but the vast majority of Englishmen and women were quite apathetic and most didn't even know that today was St. George's Day.

"We cats are about as lazy as humans, when it comes down to it," thought Fredcat, "I know Mr. B., likes to sit sprawled in front of the big TV whenever he gets the chance. I bet some of my fellow felines would do that, given half the chance.

He looked around and gave a little mewing cough until the "butler" came to open the front door. Fredcat stepped just outside, as usual, with his front paws on the doorstep itself and his hind paws remaining firmly planted on the hallway floor. He needed to test the air first to see if there was any reason (any reason at all!) why he shouldn't go outside but reason none could he find. He remained unmoving, half in and half out of his famous residence, for as long as he dared (testing Mr. B.'s impatience while doing so) and then stepped, ever so slowly, onto the doorstep outside.

From down the road came the sound of a neighbour's lawnmower at work. Today, Mr. B. was going to be busy inside the Fredcat residence, so the Famous One wouldn't have to suffer the excessive noise made by that particular horticultural machine. The grass was now growing strongly and the Mighty One had this sudden urge to nibble a blade or two; he knew that eating grass was a aid to digestion for indoor/outdoor cats and he loved fresh grass best. He didn't eat it often, but he enjoyed it when he did. And, like his humans, he found the smell of freshly cut grass to be pleasant.

Soon he'd found a nice comfortable spot under the shrubs in front of his residence and, with the morning sun getting stronger, he was soon asleep, dreaming of the time when Cathie would be home again. This was the life ...

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Friday, April 20^th 2007 (number 942)

Weekender Fredcat! Large image

The day was stretching endlessly ahead. Fredcat knew Fridays were just the same as every other day but he desperately wanted the late afternoon to come quickly - he wanted his Cathie, and he wanted her home NOW. Mr. B. had been grumpier than usual as he left to go to the dentist, and Fredcat sympathised (for a change). His own experience at the v*t's office - when the nice v*t became the less than nice v*t doing dental things - had left him with a permanently crooked smile and a permanent difficulty with eating neatly. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, knew all about dentists and the two of them often made sympathetic noises to each other about their experiences. Still, never mind, it was the original Grumpy One who was off to the dentist today, leaving Fredcat all alone to await the return of his Cathie.

When Cathie walked in Fredcat was delighted but elected not to show it too much in case Cathie took advantage. "Mr. B. has gone to the dentist," he informed her, nonchalantly, "but I'm still here so let's have a bit of a feast. You get my food and I'll set to and eat it. You can get yours later, meanwhile just talk to me and tell me how famous I am; Mr. B. rarely chats to me when you're away at work, you know." That comment killed two birds with one stone, thought the Mighty One; getting Mr. B. into trouble for not talking to him during the daytime and getting some extra grub at the same time.

"I think you have to act more kindly towards Mr. B.," said Cathie, "I understand you wanted him to do some furniture moving yesterday, is that right?" She received a token nod of agreement. "Did it involve your famous HT box bed?" she went on, slowly, and again came a nod, as the Mighty One began to fidget. "It seems that as the sun moved around the screened porch you wanted Mr. B. to move you in your HT box bed, to catch the sun's rays full on. And, furthermore, I believe that you meowed rather gracelessly when he objected to moving it three times in one hour. Is that right?"

There was a deal more wriggling from the Mighty One but he defended himself by pointing out his humans were put on earth to look after him and not the other way round. "Mr. B. has very little else to do," he said, "He and I don't have to act like long lost buddies; I simply need him to save me from awful situations, that's all - and get me my food on time," he added, in case the latter point might have been missed.

"Come on, Cathie, you have to see it from my point of view," he went on, "I'm a fully grown up feline who can usually take care of myself; I don't need to be toilet trained nor do I need to be talked down to - but I do need to be chatted to occasionally. I have a variety of noises and signs that I can use when I need to communicate and if the Grumpy One doesn't buck his ideas up he'll find me waking him up earlier and earlier in the morning for my breakfast call."

Cathie sighed; a cat with an attitude could be a terrible thing, sometimes. "Fredcat, you and I and Mr. B. are all going to sit down this evening and sort this out (if the party of the second part is OK after his dental adventure, of course). Here's a quick cuddle, and some fresh biscuits - and you need to remember that you haven't evolved thumbs yet and, unlike Mr. B., are quite unable to open a tin of cat food, m'boy!"

And, suiting actions to words, she scattered a few fresh biscuits into the Famous One's bowl, picked him up and gave him a cuddle. Someone's paws needed to be placed firmly on the road to better behaviour!

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Wednesday, April 18^th 2007 (number 941)

Numerically challenged Fredcat! Large image

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, had left for work, Mr. B. and the Mighty One were left to amuse themselves. Fredcat was all for visiting his food bowls for fresh grub and told the Grumpy One so in no uncertain terms. But the latter was not to be budged from doing his crossword puzzle. "If you scoff down any more food Cathie will be able to throw a saddle on you and ride you around the garden like a horse, Fredcat," he said, but Fredcat was not to be dissuaded. "If you continue to eat heartily - and then to excess - you'll be no use around here as a mouse catcher," he continued, "I can remember when you managed, single-pawedly, to catch three mice in successive days; you must have cleared out the whole nest of them because you've never caught one since. You're a bit lazy nowadays, methinks."

Fredcat wasn't going to take that lying down. "You think you're good at doing crossword puzzles - but I know that you use the intawebs and my computer to help you," he retorted, "And I'd bet you hard cash that you can't do sliding puzzles; Cathie has a great sliding puzzle of me, Fredcat, which she can do quite easily. I bet you couldn't do it."

Mr. B. put down his crossword puzzle; it was true that Cathie was better at solving them than he was, but that was because ... He stopped thinking about it because he didn't exactly know why she was better than he was at crosswords and it hurt his brain to try and come up with a plausible reply. He hastily changed the subject. "You're hopeless at mathematics, Fredcat, and I'm quite good at it," he said, at last. Mr. B. was on safe grounds here, Fredcat's notoriously poor arithmetic was well known throughout the land and he had been know to add apples and oranges on more than one occasion.

"If you're going to be difficult, then I'm off to bed," snapped Fredcat and he stalked off towards one of his famous round beds. Thank goodness he didn't have to share his bed with anyone. He was quite happy to leap up on big beds himself but woe betide anyone who tried to pinch his best sleeping places.

Fredcat soon found his bed and hopped inside. He lay there dreaming of car rides. His friend, Dana from LA had sent him a link to say that two feline friends of his had finally made the trip across the USA in a taxicab because their best human friend had not wanted them to fly steerage. Fredcat didn't know whether to be pleased with said best human friend or sad because the felines had to travel all that way in a noisy, smelly, motor vehicle. He himself hated cars of any sort. Thinking of that he soon fell asleep. Cathie would probably be home soon and then he'd wake up and would tell her all about Mr. B. and then the Grumpy One would get a telling off, he was sure. Zzzzz.

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Monday, April 16^th 2007 (number 940)

Destructive weather! Large image

After breakfast, Fredcat found himself forced to exit his famous residence via his cat door because the "butler" was too busy talking on the telephone to open the front door. He walked slowly up and down the driveway looking at the spring flowers, shrubs and trees; not for Fredcat the luxury of a cat or d*g buggy, he used his own four paws to get around. "All these plants look to be in good shape for the coming summer; Mr. B.'ll be pleased," he thought, "He likes to think that everything in the garden's lovely, and in this case it is - literally!" Then he stopped beside the crepe myrtle trees. There were no flowers on them yet (it was far too early for that) but calamity, Fredcat could see that the leaves had all shivelled up and died following the recent spring frost. Not a single smidgeon of green remained. The false spring had come along at a critical time this Easter and those trees that had budded early had lost everything. "Oh, well," he said to himself, calmly, "I expect it'll turn out fine in the long run; just so long as my scratching oak tree is safe and sound, I'm happy."

Fredcat thought it best to keep mum about the sickly trees so, he returned indoors and, changing the subject, told his best human friend, Cathie, that he'd received a very nice email from Kate and Toby which he'd posted on his famous guestbook. "They're asking about my free famous bumper stickers," he drawled, "so I've sent them a huge hint how to get one using the link at the top of my Famous Guestbook"

When Mr. B. emerged later, chores all complete, he headed towards the front door, saying that he ought to get started on mulching around the shrubbery - but he was surprisingly forestalled by the Mighty One. "It's a bit cold out there," said the latter, disarmingly, "I'd stay inside, where it's warm, if I were you."

Mr. B. viewed this seemingly solicitous statement with suspicion; it was most unlike the famous feline to be concerned that much for Mr. B.'s health. "I have to do this mulching work sometime, Fredcat," he replied, "It won't do it self, you know."

Fredcat changed the subject. "I see that you started spring cleaning recently, Mr. B. That seems to be a popular human activity at this time of year - as is redecorating one's home, according to the TV schedules. I'm no different to you humans in that regard, you know; I, too, like to have nice clean quarters to live in. So how about spring cleaning or even re-decorating my big box Christmas bed? Its name should give away the reason for its needing a change - my big box Christmas bed. That's Christmas bed. CHRISTMAS. You know that I like to have new sleeping quarters every now and then; I've been like that ever since the day I was born." He gazed appealingly at Mr. B.

Mr. B. looked at the Famous One in suspicion - that was a very long piece of speechifying on Fredcat's part - but he conceded enough to eventually agree that he would consider the request "in due course". He took another look at the weather outside and decided that watching the ball game on the big TV was much more in keeping with what he really wanted to do. He gathered the Mighty One up and together they amused themselves watching the game until, as usual, Fredcat fell asleep, dreaming of the crepe mrytle-based upset he'd distracted the Grumpy One from. For today, at least.

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Friday, April 13^th 2007 (number 939)

Broken bumper sticker Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat rarely took notice of cars. He never ventured near the main road and shunned Mr. B.'s car like the plague. Whenever he found himself inside that wretched vehicle he knew, just knew, that it would all end badly; usually it meant a trip to the v*t's office and Fredcat's being placed into the hands of nurses who did unpleasant (but probably necessary) things to him. His best human friend, Cathie, had a car, a nice shiny red car, but because she was out at work all day he didn't take special note of it on a day by day basis. Until yesterday, that is. Then he noticed that there was a dent in the back bumper of Cathie's car and his famous WWW.FREDCAT.NET bumper sticker was torn and useless. It now read WWW.FRE    .NET, with the rest a bit of a squiggle. This situation would have to be investigated, post haste.

"What's happened to your car?" he demanded, and Cathie sighed and began to apologise. Fredcat, being Fredcat, wasn't interested in the details of the collision between two cars even if one of them did belong to Cathie. "I need my bumper sticker fixed at once!" he demanded, loudly, "I pay good money to get those for my faithful readers, and I don't like it one bit when they're damaged and made useless."

Cathie decided not to aggravate Fredcat by pointing out that she and Mr. B., not the Mighy One, had bought the WWW.FREDCAT.NET bumper stickers - experience had taught her that objection would be useless. "Keep your fur on!" she said, "Mr. B. and I had hoped that we could keep this under wraps until the repair could be done; luckily it's not a broken window which would make driving very cold. It's very unfortunate that you had to see it today, Fredcat - one more day and it would've been fixed and you would have been none the wiser, m'boy."

Fredcat smiled to himself; he'd caught the humans out, but true to her word, when Cathie drove home later the bumper had been fixed and it was all red and shiny. Fredcat meowed an order, Mr. B. sped upstairs and retrieved one of the famous Fredcat bumper stickers, and soon it was affixed on the new bumper. "There. I hope you're satisfied," she said, and picked Fredcat up so that he could have a good look.

"Don't worry, Fredcat - unlike the cats in the story sent to you by your good friend Dana from LA you're not going for a ride in my car; we don't mind you leaving chunks of fur in Mr. B's old banger, but my car is my car, and I have to keep it smart for work." She looked over her shoulder to see if Mr. B. was within earshot but, luckily, he was in the kitchen cooking the evening meal. Cathie let out a small sigh of relief; she'd smelled meat cooking, and didn't want to upset the person who controlled the portion sizes - that would be a real piece of Friday the Thirteenth bad luck!

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Wednesday, April 11^th 2007 (number 938)

Screened Fredcat! Large image

The carpenter had arrived and Fredcat took to all four of his heels and hid under the dining room table. "No need to take any unnecessary risks," he thought, "I shall stay here until he has proved that he poses no threat." He watched as the carpenter and Mr. B. discussed the replacement of the screened porch door. Truth be told, the Mighty One was quite pleased that it was to be replaced at last - he'd complained long and hard to his best human friend, Cathie, about bugs getting in through the old, ill-fitting, door. The problem definitely had to be resolved now that the warmer weather was on the way.

"Look! Bugs can easily get in between the cracks of this door," he'd claimed, and he'd demonstrated the size of the gap by sticking his left front paw into the gap between door and post, where it fitted comfortably. Cathie had promised to get Mr. B. on the case; hence the appearance of the carpenter.

When the task was complete even Fredcat had to admit that the new door looked magnificent. Fredcat believed that it would be absolutely perfect if it had had a suitable cat door fitted, but he knew that that was never going to happen. Somewhat shamed at the delay in having the door replaced, Mr. B. set to and dusted and polished the screened porch area itself to within an inch of its life until all was shining, and there were neither bugs (live or dead) nor pollen dust in sight. Even the wall had been brushed down (no cats there!) and there was nothing amiss anywhere. Fredcat's best round bed had been set up neatly on the couch and the Maestro duly tested it out before Cathie came home.

Cathie soon returned from work and was very pleased to see the improvements to the screened porch. She picked up the Mighty One and gave him a good brushing down. Fredcat liked being patted as well as being brushed and let Cathie do this whenever she felt like. "Not too hard, mind!" said he, and Cathie complied. No point in over doing it.

When they'd both had enough, Fredcat leapt down and walked gingerly to his food bowls. His limp seemed to have largely disappeared, though, if one looked very carefully, it was just about noticeable. "Watching you eat makes me realise how hungry I am," Cathie said, "I could just do with a couple of bacon butties; back in England I used to eat those all the time."

Fredcat stopped eating and turned to her. "I wouldn't mind some bacon, too," he said, "If I did the shopping you'd see some real changes around here!" Cathie laughed. "I'd have to get a second job to pay for the food bills you'd run up, my boy! You just be satisfied with what you have." And Fredcat was.

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Monday, April 9^th 2007 (number 937)

Easter Monday Fredcat! Large image

The weather had turned chilly and Fredcat's mood was not improved any by knowing that his best human friend, Cathie, had left for work on Easter Monday after the Easter weekend. He tried not to feel too abandoned and went in search of Mr. B. who was starting to clean the Fredcat residence. "Did you have a good Easter, then?" asked the Grumpy One, with a bit of a smile, already knowing the answer. Mr. B. had had an excellent time over the holiday period, since he not long finished eating a massive chocolate Easter egg which he'd discovered on the Fredcat desk in the study on Easter Sunday morning. Even Cathie had found an Easter egg with her name on it but unfortunately it broke into a hundred pieces when she tried to bite into it. Mr. B. had solicitously offered to help clean up the resultant chocolatey mess but Cathie, who knew a thing or two, had wisely refused, saying that she was more than capable, thank you, of mopping up a few chunks of English chocolate.

Fredcat cleared his throat and replied that he'd had a very good time. He warmed to his theme. "Actually, I've received several very nice emails wishing me a Happy Easter," he said, a tad proudly, "I've received greetings from: Kate with Toby; Dana and the kits; Teresa T, Petey and Mia; Michael T. (who's not even a cat fan at all!); the Friends of the Zoo; and Susan Lackey, Weezer and a d*g called Daisy (who is a feline admirer). I've also received not one but two Easter e-cards! One from Callie Cat (and Patsy) and one from Secret Admirer (again!). I'm feeling rather pleased about all that." He gave himself a grooming lick of approval.

"And how did you like your visit from the Easter Bunny?" he enquired, seeming solicitous but pointing to the chocolate moustache around Mr. B.'s mouth. Mr. B. quickly wiped his face and noted that he, personally, doubted the existence of the Easter Bunny; rabbits hardly approve of being made the scapegoat for Easter egg delivery, do they? And, anyway, surely it's hens that lay eggs?

"Well, I don't care what you say, I'm happy," said Fredcat, wincing as Mr. B. started to sing while he worked. "Do you have to make that racket?", he asked, "I'm just about to nip off to have a kip in my new clean round bed and I can feel my happiness quotient falling rapidly while you're "singing"." Mr. B. looked at Fredcat and stopped his warbling. He was happy that the Famous One was happy, and he started to whistle instead but quickly stopped that, too, when the Mighty One growled. Ah, well! It's back to the old routine, then, thought Mr. B. and carried on with his cleaning whilst Fredcat settled down for a long sleep. Cathie would be home by late afternoon and that was good. Roll on the weekend!

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Friday, April 6^th 2007 (number 936)

Good cat Fredcat! Large image

It was amazing, thought Fredcat, two days ago it was spring - the weather was fantastic with brightly coloured flowers and shrubs attracting bees and other flying insects for miles around, yet today .... He'd taken one look at the front garden from the safety of the front door and was hard put to believe it wasn't still winter. It was really cold outside. "Why do the seasons change so swiftly here?" he demanded of Mr. B., "In England it certainly became cold as the weather worsened but here the thermometer will drop over forty degrees in one night! They tell me it's Good Friday today but there's nothing good about the weather outside at the moment." He shivered and shook his famous ginger and white fur to try to keep warm by fluffing it out but all he achieved was a smattering of fur wafting downwards to the freshly swept floor.

He sighed and surreptitiously kicked some of the bits of fur to one side as he tried to keep Mr. B.'s eyes from noticing his scatterings. "It's very hard for some felines to be good all the time," he remarked, apropos of nothing in particular, "Especially if they've been poorly dealt with in their residence. Some of the very best-behaved cats have been known to become a bit, well you know, unpleasant, if they've suffered at the hands of irresponsible humans." He looked darkly, yet hopefully, at Mr. B. to see if the latter would offer an additional plate of best beef as a result of this not so subtle hint, but his remark went right over the Grumpy One's head.

Fredcat sighed again and tried a different tack. "Some creatures have a very hard life," he said, "There's this poor duck, Stumpy, Who's been born with not one but two extra legs - which has set him apart from his fellow creatures. I feel the same way myself, you know. I've been transported all the way from England (against my will!) and not a single one of my friends are here; the only way I can keep in touch with them is by the intawebs. Sometimes I feel so frustrated that I want to just bang around on the keyboard."

Mr. B. looked patiently at the Mighty One. "I think you're a bit bored, my lad," he said soothingly, "Why don't you go upstairs and wake Cathie? She's home from work today and would probably appreciate your waking her up. She'll make a big fuss of you. You have her home now for three whole days!"

Fredcat stopped his moaning instantly. Cathie was home?!?! He forgot all thoughts he wanted to ask about chocolate Easter eggs and painted hard-boiled eggs, and shot towards the stairs, calling her name as he went. What a happy cat!

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Wednesday, April 4^th 2007 (number 935)

Springtime rambler Fredcat! Large image

It was another glorious spring day but, in Fredcat's opinion, it was more than glorious, it was fantastic. For a start, Fredcat had pointed out to Mr. B. that tree pollen was not something that cleared itself up. Again and again he smeared a ginger paw across the top of the table in the screened porch, and soon a special feline message appeared. It read Clean me! Mr. B. was suitably embarrassed and soon he was at work, cleaning off not only the furniture and floor in the screened porch but also the decking outside, particularly under the BBQ.

The end result was that the Mighty One soon had the chance to stroll outside and have a choice of resting places. The round sleeping beds were history, long live the deck! The Famous One strolled around and inspected the deck and moved onto the lawn. He sniffed all the shrubs (without once sneezing!) and scratched his head contentedly on low lying bushes. This felt good.

He thought back to his early days when he was a tad younger. As a very young kitten he'd had his share of fun; he was sure he'd played with siblings, though he couldn't remember any of them. One of his new readers, Jodi, had sent him a photograph of a look-a-like twin feline which looked remarkably like Fredcat. Another feline doppelganger! We ginger and white felines are certainly a mighty lot, he mewsed.

Soon he was fast asleep in the shrubbery, dreaming. He suddenly visualised huge polar bears playing with a car tyre, and he woke with a start; that was more of a nightmare than a pleasant dream. He shook his head and realised he was thirsty and needed water. A quick mew brought forth Mr. B. with a jug of ice-cooled water to fill the Famous One's outdoor water bowl.

Fredcat drank deeply; he knew that it was essential to have plenty of fluids when the weather was hot; he would have to remind the humans to keep all water bowls fully stocked in future. After satisfying his thirst, he fell back asleep. Later there would be time to eat but for now he was gloriously, no, fantastically happy. All he needed to make this fantastic day perfect was for his Cathie to return from work, and she'd be home very soon. Hurry home, Cathie!

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Monday, April 2^nd 2007 (number 934)

April Fool's Day Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat was a happy Famous One. Yesterday he'd just won a small victory against the Grumpy One. As it was April Fool's Day, at a very early hour of the morning (probably about 3am) Fredcat had tricked Mr. B. by tickling his nose with his own famous feline wet nostrils until that human had shot up in bed shouting - to be greeted by the Mighty One demanding breakfast. Mr. B. was halfway downstairs before he realised that the light in the kitchen was not coming from the early morning sun but was shining from a downstairs table lamp. The lamp was a touch-type one and it only needed a paw to switch it on (which the Mighty One knew full well and had been practising in the middle of the night for the last week).

In all fairness Mr. B. realised what had happened and conceded gracefully; meaning that Fredcat managed to have two breakfasts on Sunday. Today, Monday, it was back to the usual one, but Fredcat was still happy. Soon it would be Easter and he knew that his best human friend, Cathie, was going to be home for three whole days in a row - which meant that he would have much more companionship than during the usual work week. Mr. B. was OK to have around and give him grub on demand during the week, but he didn't fuss over him like his Cathie did.

"Mr. B. was probably grumpy when I woke him in the middle of the night because he was dreaming about chocolate and Easter eggs," thought Fredcat. He knew well that the Grumpy One probably thought of little else when it came to eating but as long as Mr. B. continued to like and eat best beef, Fredcat would tolerate the Grumpy One's chocolate eating habits.

Before she had left for work Cathie had picked Fredcat up and said that she was very pleased with his total recovery from recent ailments. "You are simply marvellous today," she said, "No medications at all, no grumpiness, hardly any sign of limping from arthritis and no lumps of fur on the floor for Mr. B. to sweep up; you are, indeed, back to full fitness. I do like cats and I'm really looking forward to being with you, My Special Cat, for the long weekend."

Fredcat purred and settled down in Cathie's arms. He knew that Cathie liked all cats but he was her undoubted favourite. His readers probably had their favourites as well but Fredcat knew, just knew, that nobody loved him like Cathie. He was therefore only marginally upset when Cathie gently lowered him to the floor and announced her intention to leave for work because time was pressing.

As soon as the sound of Cathie's car's engine had faded into the distance, the Famous One headed towards the screened porch and settled in for a nice long sleep in his famous HT bed. Mr. B. bustled about quietly, leaving Fredcat alone to dream of Thursday evening when the humans and he would all be together for three full days. Life was exceedingly good at the moment.

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