Welcome to Fredcat's diary - and checkout his tails later!

Wednesday, May 30^th 2007 (number 958)

Returning Fredcat! Large image

It had been a very long siesta for Fredcat; four days and nights of almost unrelenting sleep, broken from time to time by brief pauses for a taste of food. Luckily Mr. B. had been wise enough to say thank you for his own mini-holiday from handling Fredcat's famous Diary demands by ensuring that the Mighty One's food bowl was always kept full of fresh meat. If there was one thing that put Fredcat's nose out of joint it was stale food. In the continuing hot North Carolina weather, meat very quickly deteriorated - and that was a no-no for the fussy Famous One.

"I know I gave you humans a bit of time off," said Fredcat, "but now it's time to get back to work and, as you're not doing anything at the moment, I'll start my dictation right now." He gave Mr. B. a bit of a lopsided smile and coughed to clear his throat.

"Are you OK?" enquired Mr. B. in a suspiciously solicitous manner, "Do you need a drink of water before we begin?" but he was waved away by the Mighty One, who responded with a glare; Fredcat deeply resented any notion that he might be at all unwell. He was Fredcat the Famous, after all, and apart from a small sneezing episode some moons ago, a number of lost teeth, and a bit of arthritis (!) he was in excellent health. He coughed again and muttered something about clearing his throat.

"I need to inform my faithful readers that my famous website is up and running again after the Memorial Day weekend," he said, "I'm concerned that quite a number of foreign governments have taken it upon themselves to do a spot of website censorship - some twenty five of them, I believe. I've no idea why this is. I know, however, that my Diary is just the thing to help cat people around the world appreciate me, whichever country they live in." Mr. B. thought that Fredcat had a slightly exaggerated sense of his own importance, but he let this pass.

"Perhaps it's the questions you're always asking me which makes you website so interesting?" ventured Mr. B., and received a grin in reply. "I mean, most humans like asking questions and I suppose you felines are very much the same. It's a good job you don't have to sit exams or have silly tests to find out if your knowledge is up to date. This time Mr. B. smiled and gave the Mighty One a pat on the top of his famous ginger and white head.

"I'll have to think on that for a while," said the Famous One, "and, talking of thinking, I think I haven't seen my best human friend, Cathie for a while. Where is she? She should be coming home about now; she's late. She's not been stolen has she? That'll never do,"

Mr. B. muttered something under his breath and gave a tiny cough of his own. "I'm afraid that she's gone off for a while," he said, "Come on! Let's get on with your Diary; you'll see Cathie soon enough." His smile was so unusually winning that Fredcat didn't realise that he'd been conned. He'd be a tad peeved when he found out the truth later but for the time being he was content dictating his diary. It was fortunate also that Mr. B. was able to keep the Fredcat food bowls topped up or more questions would undoubtedly have followed...

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Friday, May 25^th 2007 (number 957)

Memorial day weekend for Fredcat! Large image

At last Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, arrived home safely from work Her kindly bosses had allowed her to pop off a tad early to beat the homecoming rush as many humans were bent on making the best of the three day weekend by travelling to see their distant relatives. Long weekends like this were to be warmly savoured by hard-working humans. As soon as Cathie had driven up and parked her car Fredcat walked calmly towards her. Truth be told, he'd been torn between leaping towards her and giving her a grand welcome and, alternatively, feigning indifference, and waiting for Cathie herself to make the first move. He needn't have worried as Cathie's beaming smile told him all he wanted to know.

"It's Memorial Day on Monday, Fredcat, and we have a federal holiday so - that means an extra day's lie in for me," said she, with a grin, "Unless something happens to change my plans." She picked the Mighty One up, looked at his eyes to see if they were bright and shining as usual, and ran her hands over his body surreptitiously to see if there were any bumps or scratches that she needed to be aware of; there were none of note. Satisfied, she gave Fredcat a chuck-a-chin and deposited him near his food bowl.

"As many humans are visiting their relatives over this weekend, do you think I should travel to Liverpool to see if I can find my parent and siblings?" asked Fredcat, after he had taken a few bites. "If it's the done thing for humans then I see no reason why we internationally well-travelled and famous felines can't be given the same opportunity." He smacked his lips and took another bite of best beef.

"I think not!" said Mr. B., "These flights, this time of the year, can be mightily expensive and I don't think you have enough pennies in your savings account to have your own luxury aircraft to take you to far off places." He laughed gently to himself. Fredcat was certainly getting ideas way above his station and of course he didn't have a savings account.

"Also," added Mr. B., "By travelling first class in posh aircraft you'd certainly have to mind your manners and start using proper utensils to eat your food." He laughed out loud this time; the thought of Fredcat going down that road was hilarious.

But Cathie had heard enough of this banter and after tea she picked up the Mighty One again, gave him a good brushing down and told him that wherever she was in the world she would always be thinking of her best and only Fredcat. That was sweet music to Fredcat's ears and he soon fell asleep in Cathie's arms.

P.S. Fredcat wishes to advise his gentle readers that as a treat to his humans for the long weekend ahead he will not be dictating his famous diary to them until Wednesday. He intends to do lots of sleeping instead!

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Wednesday, May 23^rd 2007 (number 956)

Meats-not-sweets Fredcat! Large image

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, came home there was a meal waiting for her which she hadn't had for a while - beefburgers, made with best beef (as Fredcat would say). The humans were happy to have beefburgers but Fredcat was concerned less with the burger-y part of the meal and more with the beef-y part. His famous little nose twitched and he hung around the kitchen all through the cooking of the meal and had to be restrained from leaping onto the dinette table, in his eagerness to partake of succulent chunks of beef.

Cathie was kind and allowed the Mighty One a taste (surprisingly large) of her own meat and Fredcat didn't let her down. Both his and Cathie's share were gone in a matter of seconds - and that was what he was after - seconds! Being a cat of tender years Fredcat knew that he needed to have plenty of meat to keep his energy levels high and he clamoured for a second helping. Alas, he was to be disappointed as the humans also enjoyed their share, and soon all traces of beef had vanished inside humans and feline alike.

Mr. B. rubbed Fredcat's stomach and asked him if he didn't prefer sweet things occasionally. "I've a well recorded taste for English chocolates and US candy," he admitted, modestly, "Today is National Taffy Day and I wouldn't want to let that event pass without indulging in some nice chocolate toffees." He stopped rubbing Fredcat's stomach and started rubbing his own stomach in anticipation.

"Methinks you're getting a tad pudgy, Fredcat," said Cathie, teasingly, "We'll have to start putting a lead on you to take you for a long walk - there's no knowing what benefits that might bring." She smiled; the thought of the Mighty One being constrained by a lead was quite something. Fredcat merely glowered, he had no intention of being taken anywhere, let alone for a walk; he valued his freedom too much to be leashed.

"I'm going for a nice long sleep," he announced to no one in particular and trotted off outside as Cathie and Mr. B. settled down to watch the big TV. But when he'd failed to return by nightfall, Cathie became worried and the humans started to search for him in the rapidly falling dusk. Fredcat rarely missed his evening ritual of sitting on the front porch and watching the day draw to a close, and his absence was worrying.

All were relieved when the Mighty One was soon discovered curled up on a rug from the living room which Mr. B. had been cleaning earlier that day and which was airing outdoors. Fredcat liked anything freshly cleaned, and who can blame him! He yawned and stretched himself awake and looked all around as Cathie slowly carried him upstairs to bed. Good night, Fredcat!

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Monday, May 21^th 2007 (number 955)

Chelsea Flower King, Fredcat! Large image

On Sunday afternoon Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, together with the Mighty One, were resting in the screened porch. Fredcat himself was lazily sprawled along the length of the settee - no room for anyone else - his famous ginger and white coat fluffed out and his four paws neatly arranged in pairs as was his habit. Cathie was trying to read but the glare from the bright sunlight was making it difficult so she put her book down and gave Fredcat a little tickle on his forehead. The latter woke instantly and purred for more. Cathie continued tickling and commented to Fredcat on how pretty the garden was looking. Fredcat agreed, adding that he loved to wander around outside and smell the various scents as the flowers in his famous garden bloomed, one type of flower after the other. "They have special flower shows around the world, you know," said Fredcat, "There's one going on right now in England, called the Chelsea Flower show and it's very famous; just like me!"

"Your very good friend, Jane, has gone to London to see that show," said Cathie, "She's never been before so this is a special treat for her. Would you like to go there, my sweet?" She looked at Fredcat as he began day dreaming of wandering around a huge garden, one much, much bigger than the one surrounding the Fredcat residence.

"Indeed, I would!" said Fredcat, "I'd love to go back and visit the land of my birth but, as it means flying across the Atlantic Ocean to get there, I'll have to give it a miss. I don't want to fall in and get wet! I'd have to work very hard to keep my head above water, even though I'm sure I could swim a bit - if pushed."

"Plus, as an emigrant feline arriving in England, there might be a problem with entry visas and I don't want to have to even risk staying in quarantine for six months just to prove I don't have rabies. Even though I don't, of course," he added, quickly, as he shuffled himself around to a sunnier position.

Mr. B. emerged from the kitchen and asked the pair if they wanted anything to eat or drink, and Fredcat's eyes lit up. This was more like it; if Cathie was going to be tardy in her tickling duties at least he could take some comfort from freshly filled food bowls. Cathie preferred tea, of course, and Mr. B. opted for one of his huge stash of English chocolate bars. He seemed to have an endless supply of those, thought Fredcat, suspiciously, but his own thoughts were concentrated on wishing for tuna. And his wish came true!

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Friday, May 18^th 2007 (number 954)

Cycling Fredcat! Large image

It was another peaceful day and Fredcat, for once, was feeling the urge to explore. He wandered into the front garden, which seemed forest-like to one of his reduced dimensions. In fact it was a forest of manageable dimension ever since Mr. B. had cut the lawn (leaving nice long stalks at the edges for the Mighty One to chew on - with the inevitable consequences inside the Fredcat residence!) "Do you realise it's National Bike to Work Day today?" he asked Mr. B. who was accompanying the Mighty One on his garden inspection, "I wonder if my best human friend, Cathie, is going to attempt the long ride into work on that bike of ours."

"I'm afraid that that so-called bike is almost an invisible bike , it's almost rusted away " said Mr. B., "and I'm also afraid that Cathie would find it difficult to get very far on it. She doesn't care for exercise, like we males do." Here he looked at Fredcat who had turned quite pale at the idea of unnecessary physical exertion. Mr. B., who claimed to have done a bit of jogging in his youth, smirked, and Fredcat, who had not, smirked also, each believing that the other's attitude towards exercise was stupid.

"Anyway, even if it were useable, that bike's too big ," said Mr. B., "and it's a gentleman's bike, and isn't really suited to ladies." This last remark made Cathie a tad peeved; she pointed out that with the advent of cycling clothes it was quite possible for "ladies", as Mr. B. had delicately put it, to ride men's bikes just as easily as men - if they wanted to.

"If you rode the bike to work I could sit in the basket and see where we were going. I could even direct you. I could be your global positioning satellite system!! I quite fancy that," said Fredcat, thoughtfully, "Why don't you give it a try?"

Cathie considered this for all of two seconds before firmly demurring. No way was she going to work on that contraption. Fredcat turned to Mr. B. and suggested that they take a small ride to the end of the road and back but, unsurprisingly, the latter cried off.

"I think if I started work on it now, I might have that bike ready for a spin sometime next week," said Mr. B., keeping a straight face; he knew that Fredcat would have forgotten all about the National Bike To Work Day by next week and experience had taught him that the best way to trick the Mighty One right now was to organise a neat diversion to take his mind off all things bicycle.

"How about I clean up your food area and give you some fresh slices of best beef saved from our last meal?" he suggested, and Fredcat was instantly transformed from a famous cycling feline to a (still famous) eating one. There was only one possible outcome and the Mighty One showed a promising turn of speed as he raced Mr. B. to his food bowls. Run, Fredcat, run!

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Wednesday, May 16^th 2007 (number 953)

Indominatable Fredcat! Large image

"Are you sure you don't need to go to the v*t's office for another checkup?" Mr. B. asked Fredcat. It was his periodic tease whenever he wanted to get a bit of a rise from the Mighty One. He didn't mean it though, but the day had been very long and he was bored and was looking for something to liven up the hours before Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, came home from work. Fredcat didn't rise to the bait, so Mr. B. tried once more, "You could always try out your Fredcat cat carrier again to make sure that you don't scratch me the next time you have to be taken anywhere in it," but Fredcat again remained aloof. They both lapsed into silence.

"How about I give you a bit of a clean up, then," suggested Mr. B., "I could get the vacuum cleaner out and give you a lovely long brushing using one of the attachments; you like being brushed with your brush and normally you'd pester me for hours to get me to give you a lengthy brushing."

"Vacuum cleaner? No thanks!" responded Fredcat, "I really just want to take a nap outdoors; it's such a beautiful day - the sun is warm and the garden looks really nice, thanks to all the hard work you've put into it (at my insistence, of course) and I simply want to lie outside for a little while. Why don't you have a nap yourself before Cathie comes home - it's your usual time for forty winks, isn't it? You don't want to deprive yourself of sleep." Fredcat grinned his crooked grin as this last remark was a bit of a dig; Fredcat was sure that Mr. B. was always sneaking hundreds of winks when Cathie was out at work.

Mr. B. sniffed and ignored the implied insult until Cathie's return from work when he immediately started complaining that Fredcat wanted to do nothing but sleep. But he was to be surprised.

"I think Fredcat deserves all the sleep he can get. Don't you remember all those times when he saved us from being overrun by hordes of mice?" she replied, "He's always been a hero and nobody looks after their own like I look after my Famous One."

Mr. B. conceded the point gracefully; Fredcat had indeed saved the Fredcat residence from marauding mice - and had dealt with three mice on successive evenings! He had to agree that the Famous One was a brave and courageous soul; he would never run away from danger, that one.

Cathie picked up the Mighty One and gave him a quick cuddle before placing him gently near his big box Christmas bed. Fredcat thanked her most kindly before turning his back on said bed and marching determinedly towards his feeding bowl. "I can smell salad - and that means a few prawns for me," he said. And he was right. No sleeps for Fredcat when food was being served!

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Monday, May 14^th 2007 (number 952)

Mother's Day Fredcat! Large image

On Sunday it was Mother's Day in America and Fredcat wondered if he ought to do anything about it. He'd certainly done his duty as far as he was able to when the UK version of Mother's Day came round earlier in the year but this two-sided existence of his living now in the US certainly added confusion to his life. "I wouldn't worry about it if I were you," said Mr. B., "I used to get a tad muddled when I became a US citizen. You would have thought that people who speak the same lingo would get their acts together and have the same holidays or vacations or whatever they call it so that there would be no more muddles." He nodded his head emphatically, and Fredcat thought wryly that Mr. B. was well known for putting the world to rights so long as he could leave the messy details to someone else.

"My friend Dana from LA has been telling me about the cat who sailed from China to the America - to North Carolina, in fact!" said Fredcat. "It seems that having landed it must now wait for six months in quarantine before being allowed into the US properly; that's a long time for a feline and I'm very glad that I didn't have to do that!" Fredcat thought about cats from the Far East and wondered what they ate. He just didn't know.

Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, was quite sure that all felines could eat absolutely anything so long as their food was properly presented. "If you eat sensibly you'll be fine," she remarked, "But if you damage your teeth you might have to pay a visit to the v*t - as you once did - or even end up wearing feline braces!" But Fredcat thought that that would never do.

"What's happened about my spiffy new notebook computer?" asked Fredcat, quickly changing the subject. Cathie shrugged; there was not really much to report. It came from the repairers. It hadn't been repaired. End.

"We finally received a voicemail from Compaq last Friday," she continued, "I have to call them back later today." She sighed. This affair was slow moving; even killer tortoises moved more quickly!

"I think I'll practice moving quickly towards my own food bowls," said Fredcat, and suited actions to words. All this fuss about eating and hunting, he preferred sleeping and resting ... and eating.

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Friday, May 11^th 2007 (number 951)

Spiffy Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat heard the doorbell ring and alerted Mr. B. immediately. "It's the spiffy new notebook, it's come back from the repairers, " he shouted, excitedly, "My best human friend, Cathie, is going to be so pleased!" He hopped from side to side in his distinctive manner and waited whilst Mr. B. signed for the parcel and then the two of them both waved the FedEx man back to his truck.

"Shall we open it now and get it ready for when Cathie comes home and surprise her?" asked the Mighty One, but Mr. B. shook his head firmly. Fredcat looked at the parcel wistfully but understood that Mr. B. was right. One should never open parcels or letters addressed to someone else, even members of one's own family - no, especially members of one's own family, he corrected himself.

Fredcat thought that Cathie took an inordinately long time to come home but in fact she arrived back at her usual time. "I'm so looking forward to checking out your repaired spiffy new notebook, but we shall all have dinner first," she said, and when the evening meal was over she and Fredcat set to and opened up the parcel and took out the computer. "The folks at the repair shop said that they'd had to repair two items, including the all-important card enabling one to get onto the wide, wide world of web," said Cathie and switched the notebook computer on.

They watched as the Compaq whirred into action, displaying its usual background image of a building while it was booting up. Then Cathie clicked onto the thing that allowed one to use the intawebs and it showed .... nothing! No intawebs were available! The screen showed just the same error message it displayed before it was sent off for repair, stating that although the signal strength was strong (as before), there was no incoming intaweb message. Cathie tried again and again, but to no avail. Fredcat crossed his claws in a frantic, nay heroic, attempt to make the intawebs work but even his remarkable powers were useless. Cathie's head slumped.

"What do we do now, Cathie?" asked Fredcat quietly, "I can do all sorts of brave things to make you feel better, but this spiffy new Compaq notebook computer isn't spiffy at all right now. To come back to my famous residence without the repaired parts working isn't very, er, spiffy, is it?" Cathie could only nod in disbelief.

"Perhaps if we did something nice then it'd all turn out fine," suggested the Mighty One, hopefully, but Cathie thought that there was little she could do at the moment. All the people she really wanted to talk to had probably gone home by now and she didn't feel like starting another lengthy conversation with someone in some far off land right now.

Mr. B. came into the study and saw the dismay on Cathie's face and the confusion on Fredcat's famous visage. "What we need is a nice hot cup of tea," he said, sympathetically, "and some special tuna as a treat for Fredcat."

Both parties forced a smile and accepted the kind offer. What should they do next? Fredcat gave his Cathie a nuzzle and wandered off to the bedroom where he put his thinking cap firmly on his head and settled down to some serious consideration as to the course of action to take next. Good luck, Fredcat!

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Wednesday, May 9^th 2007 (number 950)

National Pet Week Fredcat! Large image

"This week should have been so good, it had such potential," said Fredcat, darkly, "It's National Pet Week but instead you guys almost spoiled it all." Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie and Mr. B. looked at each other a tad guiltily, they had meant well but their good intentions had, inevitably, resulted in yet another visit to the v*t's office for Fredcat to see Dr. B. "Look here, my lovely," said Cathie, hastily, "We just had to take you to see the v*t. It's no use your pretending all is well with you when it isn't and we needed the kindly v*t to give you another shot of that great medicine that seems to make your arthritis go away for weeks at a time."

"Giving me a shot of long acting steroids is one thing but why, oh why, does every single visit to the v*t's office result in my temperature being taken, eh?" asked Fredcat, plaintively, "You wouldn't like it if every time you went to see your doctor she took your temperature the same way that my doctor takes mine." Mr. B. did a bit of a shuffle at this point, as if to say that he understood the problem.

"One thing I am glad about is that the v*t told me that I appeared to be completely over the snuffles and sneezes which had plagued me so in recent years. Completely over them! However, while that is great, the v*t's nurse told me that I'd lost a tiny amount of weight. I'm not a bit happy to hear that - and now that we're back at my famous residence I need to recover my old equilibrium by stoking up on all sorts of high calorie foods to get back to my fighting weight. A barbecue on my famous deck would do it, I'm sure." He glared a bit to make sure that his message had been understood before trotting off to his food bowls which Mr. B. leapt to refill.

"Now that you've had this injection you'll feel better, Fredcat," suggested Cathie, "I bet you you'll stop spending so much time in your big box bed and your other sleeping places and get grooving again."

Cathie did a bit of a wiggle to try to get the Mighty One in a dancing mood but Fredcat was unimpressed. As soon as he'd finished eating he marched purposefully to the front door, watched it open like magic (just as he expected) and, with nary a glance over his shoulder, he stepped outside and breathed deep of the evening air.

He didn't want to tell his humans just yet but he was very pleased that he'd had that injection in the v*t's office. He felt sure that by this time tomorrow he'd be feeling much more like his old self. Like all felines, he hated to show any sign of weakness, even to his humans. ("Not that I have any weaknesses," he muttered softly to himself.) He thought secretly that he was lucky he had such a fine understanding best human friend in Cathie; she'd clearly noticed the problem and had taken effective steps to sort it out. National Pet Week would be an enjoyable experience after all!

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Monday, May 7^th 2007 (number 949)

Cinco de Mayo Fredcat! Large image

Although it had been Cinco de Mayo on Saturday, somehow that fact had not permeated the Mighty One's massive brain. Instead he had slept all day, and pretty much all day Sunday as well, rising from time to time only to grab a bite to eat and then pester Mr. B. for not providing fresh food when required (which, truth be told, meant every time Fredcat trotted to his food bowls). "Are you feeling OK?" asked Mr. B., who thought Fredcat was being a trifle tetchy nowadays - a surprise given the nice spring weather and comfortable surrounds that the Mighty One enjoyed. Indeed Mr. B. thought he should discuss Fredcat's seeming lethargy with his best human friend, Cathie, when she arrived home from work.

But when Cathie broached the subject to Fredcat it turned out that he was somewhat miffed about quite another matter. "Well, Cathie, you know how I like receiving new things, yes?" he started, "I'm very upset to see that one of my new things, my spiffy new notebook computer, has been packed off to the supplier for a bench test and repair because it's broken down. What have you been doing to it? Or was it Mr. B. - fiddling around with the bits and pieces inside the thing?"

Cathie nodded her head in agreement, without actually allocating specific blame to anyone for the notebook's ills. As usual, Fredcat was right; the offending machine had been sent away and there was currently a notebook-computer-sized space on the computer desk. However she was sure that Mr. B. was innocent of Fredcat's charges; when push came to shove he admitted that he didn't really know very much about computers.

"That means that every time I want to dictate my famous diary entry I have to climb the stairs so that I can get to the old, no, very old desktop computer which has been taken out of mothballs to do the job again, yes?" Again Cathie nodded.

"Have you noticed all the steps I have to climb to get to the study? And now I have to climb them, because instead of one of you humans taking my dictation down here using my spiffy notebook computer I have to claw my way up these wretched stairs; I'm sure they've been made higher since we came here, and I swear that they've increased in number, too. Even Mr. B. is puffing when he climbs them. I need that notebook computer back as soon as possible, if you please, so we can get back to normality."

"I've been very busy with my website and I have to have it all ready for uploading to the intawebs when it's due to be uploaded," he continued, "Readers need to be able to rely upon seeing my photographs, videos and old diary entries - as well as my Guestbook - on time," he finished.

Cathie privately agreed but sought to placate the Mighty One. "I'm sure all your readers enjoy all the sections of your famous website, Fredcat," she said, "They probably all know about your Photographs page, full of photographs of your feline friends, sent in by their humans; your Guestbook page, full of emails and messages which have been sent to you; as well as your Tails page, full of tales of your derring-do and exciting adventures. And I bet that all your readers know that if they click on the small photograph in each of your Diary entries then they'll be treated to a large (nay, nearly life-size!) version of that photograph of you in all your glory!"

She continued, soothingly, "But in the meantime, until your spiffy notebook computer returns from the repairers, I'll issue instructions to Mr. B. to make sure that he carries you upstairs every single time you want to be carried up there, OK?" she promised, "Have no fear - you'll be looked after as if you were just a tiny chick, my boy." And with that Fredcat was content.

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Friday, May 4^th 2007 (number 948)

Complaining Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat let out a yawn and a high pitched sound warbled from his mouth. He yawned again - with the same result. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, gaped in amazement. "Why are you doing that?" she demanded, "It's not necessary to yawn out loud in public; polite folk, even felines, know that when one yawns, one covers one's mouth with one's hand (or, in your case, a paw). It's simply good manners." Fredcat looked embarrassed and instinctively tried to stop the next yawn from coming. "It's far too hot in here, Cathie, it's airless. I'm just trying to get some oxygen into my lungs," he said, defensively, "It's all Mr. B.'s fault," he added.

"The thing is that Mr. B. does so many things wrong when you're at work - and I'm duty bound to tell him off about them," explained the Famous One, "It's become so bad that I've pretty much lost my voice through yelling at him and I can only croak or sing in this curious way. It's a bit annoying." He looked pleadingly at Cathie. "Can't you tell him what's right and what's wrong?" he asked, imploringly.

Mr. B. stood watching from the doorway as Fredcat made this request. "I'm not sure that one can take his story literally," he said, "I caught that Mighty One trying to open a bag of biscuits with his sharp claws, and he made such a mess, with biscuits scattered all over the kitchen floor. I think he's making this tale up to get out of a sticky situation."

He chortled. "The cat's really out of the bag now, isn't it?" He smirked, knowing that Fredcat was disadvantaged with his croaking voice. Without clear nuances the Famous One's complaints about Mr. B. sounded pathetic.

Fredcat was not best pleased (to say the least). He didn't attempt to defend his action with the bag of biscuits but instead started attacking Mr. B. with croaky word after croaky word - acting as if he had unlimited courage.

Cathie spotted the Mighty One's difficulty and brought the two warring heads together, while trying to keep a straight face. "Now listen, boys. When I'm at work I expect you two to play nicely. I know I've told you this before, but it bears repeating. Mr. B. does a lot to keep you well fed, Fredcat, and I'm sure he doesn't do anything deliberately to make you cross. And if anyone is to tell Mr. B. off it won't be you, my lad!" The inference was clear to both males and a bit of mutual glowering went on between them.

Cathie continued, "I think it's time we all sat down and aired our grievances properly as humans do, instead of snapping at one another."

She picked the Mighty One up and gave him a big cuddle, "It'll soon be the weekend, Fredcat, and then all three of us will be at home. That'll be good!" and she gave him a big chuck-a-chin whilst Mr. B. went to make a soothing cup of tea; tea always cheered the humans - and if the humans were happy then Fredcat was happy (and vice versa!).

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Wednesday, May 2^nd 2007 (number 947)

Basking in the sun Fredcat! Large image

"It's absolutely sweltering outside," said Mr. B., "I know that I'm a sun lover but this is just too much, even for me." He reached for his glass of water, drained it, and poured himself another one. Fredcat felt the same; his own water bowl had several ice lumps floating on the top which nudged his nose as he, too, drank deeply, but that didn't stop him taking his fill. "We were promised a scorcher of a day today - and they were right," he agreed, and shook his famous ginger and white mane before slowly slumping to the hard wood floor, which was surprisingly cool.

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, finally made it home she was gasping for breath, "The inside of my car was baking hot," she complained,. "I don't know how I managed to get home without melting completely away. There were car accidents everywhere as drivers were in too much of a hurry to get to their destination quickly."

"Yes, well, that's all very interesting but ... I've made an appointment to see the dentist," stated Mr. B. to no one in particular, and the Mighty One gasped. This was impossible, he'd felt no toothache; OK, he was still finding it difficult to get hold of bigger lumps of cat meat to chew, and smaller cat biscuits often fell onto the floor just as he was about to crunch into them but, all in all, he didn't need to see the dentist again. No way! He kept his mouth firmly closed and considered his options carefully. He knew, just knew, that the word "dentist" was simply a code word used by the humans when they wanted to refer to taking him to the v*t's office.

Cathie noticed Fredcat's mute alarm and spoke up. "Don't worry, my sweet," she said, "Mr. B. means that he's off to see the dentist. He'll doubtless need to have all sorts of unpleasant things done to his teeth but I'm sure the dentist will give him any necessary sedation to calm his nerves." Cathie smiled grimly to herself, she absolutely loathed going to the dentist herself and, truth be told, found it difficult to even talk about it with Fredcat.

Fredcat gave a huge sigh of relief and decided to turn to nicer matters - He'd had a lovely email from a friend new to Fredcat, who used to live in the same part of England where Fredcat was born. Both Margaret and her cat Smokey spoke English even though they currently lived in Denmark; What a small world it was! Fredcat knew that he'd need to send a nice thank you email to them both but right now it was so hot he needed to climb back into his favourite box where it was cool. But look out, Mr. B., he thought, you had best be ready to take my famous dictation to Margaret and Smokey soon!

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