Welcome to Fredcat's diary - and checkout his tails later!

Friday, June 29^th 2007 (number 971)

Holiday adventurer Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat looked out at the lovely morning sun, stretched and announced to Mr. B. that he fancied a change. "I'm getting a bit fed up with the same old routine," he grumbled. Mr. B. didn't take this comment very seriously; Fredcat occasionally had that itchy feeling that he wanted to do something else, go somewhere new and unusual, but lethargy inevitably won out. This time it was different, and Mr. B. frowned - he knew this cat and knew that Fredcat would get up to mischief if he wasn't quickly persuaded away from this topic.

"Why should you get to slope off," he demanded, "I'm the one who does all the work around here. I'm always at your beck and call. I have to do all the cleaning - and that's no joke." He looked straight into the eyes of the Mighty One who at least had the decency to blink in embarrassment; he was aware that he was a tad untidy in his habits around the Fredcat residence at times.

"Well, I want to go on holiday. And with that in mind, I've been watching the big TV all morning," said Fredcat, "With all this immigration bill stuff going on I couldn't find a single decent holiday programme to watch. These US senators don't seem to be very good at making their minds up. Voting isn't that difficult, surely? I'm glad I came here when I did or they might have stopped me coming to the US - and that wouldn't have done, at all." He continued muttering to no one in particular and Mr. B. was happy to let him do so - it kept him off the subject of expensive holidays, at any rate!

He thought too soon. "Where's my passport?" asked the Mighty One, "I'll need it to get out of and into the US. I absolutely need a US passport - I can't use my UK one any more. I wonder if I've got to give my paw prints - to prove I am who I say I am. Has my passport got a decent photograph of me in it - one that shows me to my best advantage? I like the one where I'm sat in the living room window in England best; I went to a lot of trouble to pose myself properly for that photograph."

"You don't actually need a passport," said Mr. B., "You're so famous you'd be waved through immigration with a smile; just like when you first came here to America some s.., er, five years ago." He was desperately trying to butter Fredcat up but instead he received a glare from the Famous One who didn't like the subject of his age being discussed at all.

"Look! There's a rabbit over there in the garden," said Mr. B., "You can't possibly think that he's ever going to be interested in holidays, do you? And that Squire squirrel "friend" of yours, he's never ever mentioned going on holiday; I bet he's far too busy thinking of squirrelly scams to perpetrate on we humans."

"That's not the point," responded Fredcat, crossly, "And don't try to change the subject. My best human friend, Cathie, had a week's holiday recently, and I was stuck here with you while she was away." Mr. B. thought that was a bit mean but he let it pass. Cathie had indeed left the Fredcat residence recently - but her trip had certainly been no holiday.

Suddenly Mr. B. picked up Fredcat and stroked him under the chin. This was such a surprise that the Mighty One blinked and didn't even consider struggling or wriggling away. He was, however, determined to ask Cathie if he could get a new passport now that he was an American citizen, even though he knew that it would take months and months for his application to be processed. Even if one was famous, one had to wait in line for a passport. Patient Fredcat!

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Wednesdsay, June 27^th 2007 (number 970)

Sleepalot Fredcat! Large image

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, arrived home from work she headed, as usual, to Fredcat's big box Christmas bed. To her surprise, the Mighty One wasn't there, nor was he hiding under the dinette table or barbecue. She continued searching and confirmed that he wasn't hiding on or under Mr. B.'s car (a favourite hiding place of his). She finally spotted him snoozing away in his HT box, a pleasant breeze cooling him down as it passed through the box. She smiled to herself, and left him sleeping. She asked Mr. B. how Fredcat had been during the day but that human wasn't fussed. "He's been fine, he's come out to eat twice so far - and each time he demanded a fresh plate of cat food. One can't leave meat out for too long in this weather, it dries out in no time. I'm sure if you sit down and have a cup of tea he'll soon come trotting in."

As Cathie was halfway during her cup of tea Fredcat ambled past her on his way to his food bowls once more, without so much as a by your leave. "Freddy!" she called, but she might have been whispering into her cup for all the notice he took of her. The Mighty One ate a few biscuits, drank a few sips of water and made his way towards the front door, ignoring the humans. Mr. B. wearily stood up and followed him. The door was opened and, after a few moments' hesitation, Fredcat slipped through.

Cathie joined Mr. B. at the open door and gazed thoughtfully at Fredcat as he sat patiently at the top of the steps, watching the world go by. "Do you think he's OK?" she asked, softly, quite forgetting how sharp a cat's hearing is.

"Do you mind?! I've been thinking about some old friends of mine," he said, somewhat irritably. "Do you remember that Squire squirrel acquaintance of mine? He's quite a card when you get to know him. A couple of his intellectually challenged relatives have managed to set fire to a house! I want to send Squire a message - to tell him that some relatives aren't all they could be, and to tell him not to worry." Fredcat had on his "I'm thinking" frown and Cathie fell temporarily silent.

But not for long. "You've always been an attention seeking feline, Fredcat," she said, "so why this sudden bout of nostalgia? Why this feeling that you want to be on your own?"

"Nostalgic? Me? Not in the slightest!" he replied, "I'm sitting here, watching the world go by, and working out how best to enjoy this lovely weather without being overwhelmed by the heat, that's all. If you were wearing a fur coat like mine in the heat, you'd be doing the same thing too!"

He smiled and walked briskly back into the hall where Cathie scooped him up. "It's about time you and I turned on a few fans and sat down for a good old chat. Mr. B. is now spending his days watching the tennis at Wimbledon on the big TV so he won't bother us for a while. Get yourself a nice cool drink and let's go and sit down together, Cathie," he said, and soon the two of them were setting the world to rights.

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Monday, June 25^th 2007 (number 969)

Fredcat misses the school buses! Large image

"It must be school holiday time," remarked Fredcat to Mr. B., "During this last fortnight it's been very quiet on the roads around here; it's a pity as I like to see the yellow busses trundle by, stopping dead at every STOP sign, quite unlike ordinary vehicular traffic." He grinned, showing his few remaining front teeth and licked his left paw gently. "I agree entirely," said Mr. B., "I've noticed that the local swimming lido is full of young folk taking a dip or two; they were queueing up to get in the other day! It must be wonderful to take a dip in the heat of the day."

Fredcat shuddered, "It would take more than a touch of the sun to get me in a swimming pool," he declared. "I don't mind a taste of ice cream or a spoonful of yogurt to help me cool down - this early summer sun suits me just fine. Anyway, I need to keep myself away from potential cold water as I need to be in tip top shape to write my daily blog." He grimaced; he hated the word "blog", but it seemed to be in common use nowadays. He'd tried and failed to persuade Mr. B. to use website, a word he considered to have more "class", but to no avail.

"It's all the fault of global warming," stated Fredcat, "I see that increases in the numbers of we felines are being blamed on the rising weather temperatures - and that's just unfair. I certainly cannot be accused of causing an increase in the cat population simply as a result of a touch of extra warmth; additional heat merely makes me more sleepy." He sniffed, his own interests had recently centered on walks in the garden rather than chasing down smaller edible creatures.

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, came home from work she told him that she was pleased at her relatively easy journey but nonetheless felt hot and bothered as the temperature was well into the 90s. She immediately ordered Fredcat to have a sip of iced water and told him he'd have to stay indoors for the rest of the day. "You can't get into any mischief that way," she said, but Mr. B. knew she was wrong on that score; Fredcat was always getting up to mischief one way or another.

"Why don't you lie down or play at being nice," said Cathie, "I like it when you're cute and friendly." She smiled, picked him up, shook off a few ginger and white hairs from her clothes and began stroking him until his back arched with pleasure. What a fortunate feline he was to have a best human friend like Cathie around!

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Friday, June 22^nd 2007 (number 968)

Summer heat for Fredcat! Large image

"It's the official start of summer, the summer solstice," announced Fredcat, happily. Up early, he had waited impatiently for Mr. B. to come sleepily downstairs to fill his feeding bowl with fresh meat and had then almost raced to the front door, expecting it to open magically. A quick "Ahem!" had encouraged the butler to set aside his own tea-making duties and open the door, with a grunted apology. Outside the scene was idyllic. No wind, the heat of the day yet to show itself, the garden smelled fresh from the slight overnight rain. What could go wrong?

"Mind you come in as soon as the sun climbs high in the sky, Fredcat; it's going to be very hot today," warned Mr. B. Fredcat ignored him. He thought instead about his friends. He'd received another email from Weezer congratulating him on his recent milestone successes (including his being an internet page millionaire). Weezer sounded like good fun; mind, he'd have to be - sharing his residence with a d*g! "D*gs are such simple souls," thought Fredcat, "ready and willing to do the most thoughtless activities; they have very little class. Unlike we felines." He stuck his famous nose very high in the air to show his disdain (though even he had some feelings for a few, a very few, canines.)

Eventually Fredcat came back inside, not because Mr. B. had warned him to, but because he'd felt a bit peckish and thirsty in the hot daytime sun and it was a lot easier to come inside where food was always on paw than to go hunting for it outside (exciting though that was). Anyway, hunting was best done in the cool of the night when small edible creatures came out to play with him. Mice were best playmates but there seemed to be a dearth of them ever since he'd played with three of them on successive nights some time ago.

Indoors, Mr. B. was shouting something at the spiffy new Fredcat notebook computer. It wasn't the notebook so much as the printout from the Fredcat printer. Fredcat examined the output streaming from the machine and was amused to see that from one angle it looked just like a play toy. Unfortunately Mr. B. had to break off from his shouting to answer the telephone and he switched off the printer on his way to the 'phone, much to Fredcat's disappointment. That printer looked like it had the potenial to become an excellent toy.

It didn't matter. He groomed himself and waited until his best human friend, Cathie, came home. He'd wait until she came in and read her mail and then he'd approach her, casual like, until she picked him up and examined him for any hurts and so forth. Then he would settle down with her while she talked to him about her busy day. He didn't listen (rarely did, in fact), but the sound of her gentle voice and her stroking of his back usually sent him to sleep which was what he wanted. He loved his Cathie to bits.

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Wednesday, June 20^th 2007 (number 967)

Friends from Australia for Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat looked at his emails with a mixture of pleasure and surprise. Among them was one from a new reader of his famous website - all the way from Australia! Actually there were at least at least five new readers, all from the same household - Baby, Sasha, Sweetpea, Lady Jane, Melah and Love Muffin! He ordered Mr. B. to put down his chocolate bar and to post this Australian email on his famous Guestbook immediately so that everybody could see that he really did have readers from all over the world. He and Mr. B. had stopped counting the number of countries Fredcat's visitors came from because it was probably simpler to count those countries who didn't have readers of his famous website. Fredcat was indeed a multi-cultural feline, mate!

"These Aussies have a colourful turn of phrase, don't they?" said Fredcat, "But I know what is meant. I've learned a lot about a lot of things in my "five" years on earth; I remember one very young moggie who tried it on with me - and he got short shrift and soon found his way back to where he came from. The little chap made such a terrible din all day, it was horrible! Another one thought he was king of the castle, he was a real tough nut to crack but my mentor Forby and I saw him off. I was a bit young at the time and I admit I was a bit scared so I kept a bit in the background whilst Forby dealt with him. I'm famous now, of course, and things like that don't bother me at all now."

Mr. B. looked at him with wry amusement. He knew that wherever one was in the world one there was always something or someone who would best you on the day. "Do you remember a certain cat by the name of Thomas?" he started, "He was a right terror and he made your life a mis..." He stopped. It was apparent that Fredcat didn't want to know anything about that part of his life. It was prudent to blank out unpleasant memories. He was famous now - and that's all that counted.

"I suppose in the grand order of things we are all pretty small," Fredcat conceded, "but, in our own minds, we think we are wonderful - the best thing since sliced bread. I know I am!" He stood upright; his tail a little bit crinkly, but doing its best to point skywards. He started to strut about, doing his best to hide the tiny, tiny bit of arthritis in his right paw; he knew a bit of exercise and the warmth of the sun on it would soon ease the creakiness.

"This temporary creakiness doesn't bother me at all," he announced to the Grumpy One, "If I have plenty of good food ...," (and here he looked firmly in Mr. B.'s direction) "... I can be my old supreme self once more, and no mistake. My best human friend, Cathie, thinks so, and that's all that the matters."

He was right, of course. His Cathie loved him, he had smashing friends from all over the world, and he was an internet page millionaire. He was a happy cat, and no mistake!

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Monday, June 18^th 2007 (number 966)

Father's Day Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat had not been looking forward to this morning. He was aware that his best human friend, Cathie, would be scooting off to work as usual today, and that he and Mr. B. would be left to see out the day together. Yesterday had been Father's Day and many human males had received calls or visits from their children to wish them well. Fredcat had been a little saddened at this, as he'd be unable to get in touch with his father; living so far away from the land of his birth made communication quite difficult for a feline (even a famous one). He'd confided as much to Cathie but she had told him not to worry overmuch. "All things work out quite well, in the long run, Fredcat," had been her somewhat mystical reply and, with that, Fredcat had had to be content.

He couldn't resist one last thought, though. "I have to assume that my father's being well looked after in a caring human household, or in an old feline cat's home or *gulp* no longer with us," he sighed, "though I know that if he's as tough as me then he could well be living on, at a ripe old age." He looked at his right paw and felt it tenderly, the arthritis there gave him some small discomfort from time to time. He wondered if his father had, or had had, the same problem.

"Did you make Mr. B. a cup of early morning tea yesterday, for Father's Day?" he asked Cathie, but she responded only with a stare, and he realised that even in this world of doing nice things to one another, humans still had jobs around the house which each guarded jealously.

"Absolutely not!" said Cathie, eventually, "That wouldn't have been good for him at all. I learned long ago that if I'm to set out, day after day, to go to work, then Mr. B. needs to learn certain household chores - including how to make a good cup of tea. He's now so good at it that I never ever have to do it myself (except when he's away somewhere). I can still make a nice cup of tea - so I don't have to resort to using a Teasmade, thank Heavens."

"I can see that Mr. B.'s been taught to think like a female human," chuckled Fredcat, "I wonder if he can be taught to think like a feline; it would make my life so much easier." He walked away, thinking about settling down for the night in his now favourite place - his big box Christmas bed. It was perfectly located, as far as he was concerned, being only about ten feet from his feeding bowls.

Before he settled down, though, he had the butler open the front door for Fredcat's little twenty minute contemplation on the front door step. He looked up at the stars in the darkening night sky and wondered about his father - and mother. He wondered if they were watching the same stars as he was. The view from anywhere in that night sky to down here must be very attractive, he thought, and headed back inside to sleep peacefully.

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Friday, June 15^th 2007 (number 965)

Basking in glory Fredcat! Large image

"Now that these two milestones have been reached, I'm going to take a well earned rest," said Fredcat. He stretched himself out on the floor close to the armchair where his best human friend, Cathie, usually sat. There was a method in this positioning; he needed to be close to where she would sit after coming in from work so that she could pick him up and praise him all over again. "Being an internet page millionaire, and four very successful years of my famous Diary - what magnificent achievements!" he beamed, and licked the tip of his left paw, oh so gently. Mr. B., unseen, watched him from the doorway. "That's just typical," he muttered, "That feline thinks he's done all the hard work and now he's at the lazing stage again. "Come on!" he said sourly, marching into the room, "Can't have you lolling and slinking around; there's work to do!" as he gently nudged the Mighty One to a standing position.

"I object to that!" protested Fredcat, "I've been working terribly hard over the last four years and now I deserve a bit of a rest. Cathie has had a whole week off recently, so why shouldn't I get some R and R?" He looked indignantly at Mr. B., but to no avail. Indeed, the Mighty One soon found himself lifted off his paws, transported upstairs and deposited on Cathie's desk, protesting all the way.

"I'm doing this for your own good," stated Mr. B., "It's all too easy to relax after a job well done but it's a big mistake to just loaf around - it's very hard to restart after a long break."

Fredcat wouldn't have minded a long break right now; he wondered why he'd been unceremoniously whisked to the study when he really wanted to be near his Cathie or, at least, near his big box bed and his food bowls, but one look at the Grumpy One's face told him he'd better think twice about continuing his complaint.

"The thing is," said Mr. B., "you now have a clearly documented worldwide audience for your famous Dairy ..." (this was a bit of soft soap by Mr. B. to get Fredcat's undivided attention) "and you can't disappoint them, Fredcat. They want to know what you've been doing since your last famous Diary entry. You can't let them down."

"But I like a simple life with little or no frills - and with lots of breaks and time off," complained the Mighty One, "I don't mind dictating my famous Diary, but I'd much rather stick to something quite simple and non-contentious during the days when I'm not on a break. Which I never get, by the way."

"Please tell me, Mr. B.," he continued, with a heavy emphasis on the word please, "What's the rush? Cathie's not even home yet, and here you are trying to get me down to work and out of your way. Why?" He pawsed for breath and his eye fell on something underneath the Grumpy One's desk.

"And what," he demanded, carefully, "Is this all about?" He pulled a large chocolate wrapper from the wastepaper basket and lofted it in Mr. B.'s direction.

"I think you want to need to get today's Diary done so that you can pop out before my Cathie comes home, and buy more of this to replace what you've eaten here. So that you can pretend that you haven't been eating chocolate. You'll catch it when Cathie gets home, I'm telling you!"

And Fredcat grinned and got down from the desk. He was back on course; he'd put Mr. B. firmly in his place and his famous Diary would wait until Cathie came home and helped him.

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Wednesday, June 13^th 2007 (number 964)

World readership for Fredcat! Large image

"This is very strange," thought Fredcat. "I know I'm five years old, yet Mr. B. says we've been here in America for at least that many years, and here I am, starting on the fifth year of my famous Diary! The world of counting numbers has gone crazy." He rubbed his front paws together and turned to his best human friend, Cathie, for assistance in resolving the problem. "Don't be silly, my little one," she said, "You're worrying yourself unnecessarily about this. First you have to start by firmly accepting that you're definitely five years old, and then you have to question the motives of Mr. B. He probably wants you to believe that you're older than five, so that he can claim your old age pension "for you" or something. You take no notice of him." She gave him a cuddle and a bit of a wipe of his eyes.

"Do you know that June is reckoned to be National Adopt a Pet Month?" she continued, "There are some humans who actually think they adopt pets, when you and I know full well that it's the other way round." Fredcat knew that of course; a long time ago (about five years?) he had charmed Cathie when she and David had gone to the animal rescue centre to choose a good friend for Forby - who had turned out to be his mentor. They had been instantly smitten with his potential kittenish brilliance and knew instinctively that he would turn into their most famous feline ever. He and Forby would easily blend in with the rest of Cathie's human family.

"You are now so loved that we couldn't dream of having a day go by without seeing your smiling face greeting us in the morning when we get up," Cathie said, "We don't want you getting lost, now that you're really, really famous." She patted him gently on the head whilst Mr. B. filled his bowl with the last of English cat biscuits Cathie brought back for him on her recent trip to that country.

"I see that you've had some more congratulatory emails," remarked Cathie, "It's so nice when your fellow felines and their faithful human friends applaud you for your superb efforts over the years. You've received messages from Callie Cat and Patsy B. and Jasmine and Barbara H. and B. M. Cole and the Zoo, and (of course!) JdeF - as well as e-cards from Kristiaan from Norway and your ever-secretive Secret Pal."

Fredcat grinned; he simply lapped up all this adulation and was in his element with it all, unlike some people, he loved receiving emails, and thought he would never tire of receiving them. He thought that if he were an actor he'd be standing in front of the curtains, taking bows until the last straggler had left the theatre - and even then he would continue to bow, for practice.

"I see that Mr. B. has tried to make a list of which countries your visitors have come from," added Cathie. "To me it's all a bit of a muddle and I'm not certain if I really know where these places are; I hope Mr. B.'s geography is accurate. The full list is right here ..." and she watched as Fredcat scanned it carefully. There were a lot more then nine countries listed there!! Fredcat was so pleased.

A, Albania, Algeria, Antigua and Barbuda, Argentina, Armenia, Aruba, Asia/Pacific Region, Australia, Austria,

Y, Yugoslavia,

What do you think, Gentle Reader?

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Monday, June 11^th 2007 (number 963)

Double Celebration for Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat knew that an important day for him was approaching. Mr. B. had quietly shown Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, the latest statistical breakdown from the nice people at Go Daddy who host Fredcat's famous Diary - and the two both looked in amazement at the results. Cathie hurried over to the Mighty One and shook his paws, several times. "Congratulations! Dear Fredcat, you are wonderful!" she said, and she picked him up, gave him a huge hug, set him down with a smile and shook his paws all over again. She was very happy for Fredcat. "I think you knew this was coming," she continued, "And yet you kept mum until the results were finally confirmed today. Do you realise that you are now an internet page millionaire?"

She showed Fredcat the graph showing numbers of Diary readers and the Mighty One pawed over them with care. He knew about this momentous occasion, of course, but for once he was modest about this major achievement. "That means that if my website was a newspaper, then my pages have been looked at by visitors OVER A MILLION TIMES since I first started my famous Diary? Have I got that right?" He received an affirmative nod in reply.

"I suspected a while ago that we'd reach this milestone, but I know that Mr. B. is very conservative in his approach to counting and I'm sure he's been very careful when adding up the numbers," said the Mighty One, "Having said that, though - you do know he's lost not one but two of my daily Diaries over the years, don't you? Never mind, it's better to be sure when counting the numbers of my readers. We don't have a strong PR set-up here at the Fredcat residence," (and here he frowned disapprovingly) "so we simply have to rely on word of mouth to publicise my thrice-weekly Diary dictations."

Fredcat's broad smile belied his words, Dear Readers; he was mightily pleased and he grinned from ear to ear and strutted about a bit as was his wont, as he mused about being an internet page millionaire.

"You have another reason to be proud, Fredcat," said Cathie, looking pleased, "If you look at the date of your very first diary entry you'll see that today in the last day of Year Four of your diaries - your next famous Diary entry on Wednesday will start Year Five! Doesn't that make you very happy?"

"That's something I hadn't thought of, Cathie. Five is good," admitted Fredcat, "It's quite OK to be on Year Five - because that's my age, too, as you well know; it fits in perfectly. There's even a five second rule for eating certain foods, you know."

He received an odd look from Mr. B. at this last statement, but the latter deemed it prudent to say nothing; this celebration was not to be spoilt by quibbles about ages. For someone who had a difficulty about counting beyond nine (a dangerous number for any feline), living beyond the age of five was minor in comparison; it seemed unkind to argue the point.

"Do you also realise that the medication we started you on last Monday appear to have finally worked, Fredcat?" said Cathie, "The pink liquid seems to have stopped your wheezing and spluttering; I have no idea how this could have happened. Perhaps the thought of becoming an internet page millionaire has had an unexpectedly salubrious effect on you." She smiled; it didn't matter to her that Fredcat was an internet page millionaire, she simply wanted him to be there when she came home from work each evening.

"You're collecting things right, left and centre; no doubt about it," agreed Mr. B., "You've surprised us all with your longevity and ability to recover from illness. Miss Kitty and Ann and Goldy, Tigger and Dana and Sox and Susie B.have added their voices to those who were concerned about you by writing to you in your famous Guestbook. They were very sympathetic."

Cathie and Fredcat were both pleased. "Everything's coming up roses once again," said Cathie, and she picked Fredcat up once more, gave his eyes a fresh wipe and chatted to him as he sat comfortingly in her arms, gazing up at her. He was well aware that he was the object of much celebration and lapped it up like the famous feline he is. Life could be so wonderful when things went well. All the world knows that.

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Friday, June 8^th 2007 (number 962)

Wheezing Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat stayed in his big box bed for most of the day, ignoring Mr. B. who, frankly, was a tad worried. When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, came home the cat emerged from his resting place and crept towards her, mewing. It wasn't a mew of welcome but one indicative of a degree of discomfort - unhappiness, even. Cathie, being Cathie, immediately swept him up in her arms and the two began a lengthy conversation about matters feline. "Do you know what, Cathie," began Fredcat, "I think that my pink liquid medication is not working as well as it has in the past and, although I hate saying it, I think that I'll need to take some direct action pills instead." Cathie nodded her head; she'd come to the same conclusion.

She took a wet wipe from the packet and wiped Fredcat's eyes and ran a second wipe slowly over his famous ginger and white head. The Mighty One liked that; he also liked it when Cathie gave him a good brushing down with his own special stiff brush. Cathie called the friendly v*t and arranged for Mr. B. to collect the new medications on Friday morning so that the Mighty One would have a good start for the weekend when Cathie came home and gave him his tablet in the afternoon. She sighed, keeping Fredcat in the pink of health was a demanding activity; one had to keep a close watch as he was so adept at covering up his difficulties.

"You're a smashing cat, Fredcat," she said, "You not only look after yourself but you have a caring nature and make sure that all around you feel content. I know I feel so happy when I see your little smiling face, even though your grin is a touch lopsided." She gave him another cuddle and set him down on the floor.

Cathie then told Fredcat that he'd received Get Well wishes from Littlebit, Snoopy, Skeeter and Sharon as well as Callie Cat and Patsy. "These caring messages have all been placed on your famous Guestbook, Fredcat; you must be very happy to receive them."

Fredcat nodded carefully to make sure his head wasn't about to fall off (it felt that way to him sometimes) and asked Mr. B. to say Thank You to his kind and faithful friends. "I've always replied to all my readers' emails, every one," he said, "and the fact that I can't make myself feel right is no excuse not to write my Thank Yous - but I may be a bit late in getting down to dictating my replies. It's a record I want to maintain, even after all this time." Cathie nodded approvingly, she liked it when Fredcat was polite and replied to his emails; it was the right thing to do.

"Actually, Cathie," continued Fredcat, "I have some big news coming soon, and I need to get well quickly so that I can tell my readers all about it."

Cathie and Mr. B. confessed themselves mystified, but Fredcat told them they had to wait - although he did drop a small hint that the news would come soon enough. Despite Cathie's questioning he wouldn't elaborate further. He headed off to nibble on some tuna (though even that was a bit of an effort) and started working out how much longer he'd have to wait before he could start his new medicine. Poor Fredcat ...

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Wednesday, June 6^th 2007 (number 961)

Breathless Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, looked at the Mighty One with concern. "You need a checkup at the v*t's office, me laddo," she said, "You've started to have those funny coughs of yours again - and have the beginnings of a runny nose." She looked more closely at him. "I also think that maybe, just maybe, you're hiding your arthritis a bit and I suspect you're in more than a bit of pain. Sorry to disturb you from your sleep, my lovely, but we must scoot off right away; I don't want to delay this visit until the weekend. Your health is far too important to us all."

Fredcat had other ideas. He most certainly did not want to go the v*t's office, and most certainly not in Mr. B.'s awful car. Cathie picked him up and Fredcat started to squirm. He mewed, very loudly, begged to stay at home and fought every inch of the way as he and Cathie got into the car. He started to pant very quickly until he was in full hyperventilation mode. This was most unfair, this was undue stress for a mature feline; he merely wanted to sleep, bunged-up nose or not.

Cathie became quite concerned as the Mighty One's panting increased in intensity, his tongue darting in and out, and soon it was difficult to decide which was going the quicker, the car or the Mighty One's laboured panting. Upon arrival at the vet's office Cathie whisked Fredcat into an examination room where he was immediately put onto oxygen, whilst at least four humans looked on anxiously. It must be noted, Gentle Reader, that the mask wasn't placed completely over the Famous One's mouth - but he received a goodly dose of oxygen nonetheless.

When Cathie told Fredcat this later he asked her what happened next, as things had become a tad hazy for him. "Dearest darling cat of mine," said Cathie, "The kindly Dr. M. checked out your heart and lungs and wasn't very happy, so she did what had to be done to make you all better."

In actual fact, Dear Reader, the good doctor had looked grimly at Cathie and said that she needed to take the Mighty One to the back of the v*t's office to do investigations and suchlike. She'd also made a sotto voce enquiry of Cathie, which had made the latter's own heart skip a beat: "If we need to, are we to use CPR?" She'd received a vigorous nod in reply.

Gulp! went the Fredcat throat at this news. "What things?" he asked, quietly, "I'm not sure if I remember any of this; this is all news to me, as well as a surprise. My memory is usually pretty good, as you know." He felt himself all over to see if any more teeth had disappeared but his crooked grin remained in place just as crooked as before. That was alright then.

"The nice Dr. M. took X-rays of your chest and, after quite a long wait, she declared that you were now breathing normally; your respiration rate had come down from an alarmingly high of 100 beats per minute to a more normal 30 or so beats per minute. You were certainly in need of medication, though, and a shot of antibiotics had also been administered. The reason you don't remember any of this, Little One, is because you'd been give a bit of a knockout dose; in fact you didn't really come to until almost midnight last night. You were very unsteady on your paws and I had to watch you very carefully to see that you didn't hurt yourself by falling over. You're OK now, though," she added, and Fredcat nodded with relief.

She gave him a huge hug and set him down near his freshly filled food bowls. Fredcat found he was ravenous after all that excitement and the sight of fresh food was enough to make him quickly forget the drama of the previous evening. Lucky cat, Fredcat ...

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Monday, June 4^th 2007 (number 960)

Ecstatic Fredcat! Large image

Mr. B.'s car finally pulled into the garage and out stepped Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie. Fredcat had known she was coming home since he had been well briefed by Mr. B. beforehand, but she was much later than expected. All sorts of emotions flew around in his famous ginger and white head. He wanted to say: "Where've you been? You're late!" and "I've missed you," but the jumble of words was lost as Cathie swept him up in her arms and took him swiftly into the living room. Fredcat's purrs of pleasure could be heard from here to Timbuktu! "I'm so sorry we're late," she said, "But there was a lot of congestion at Newark airport for reasons I will never understand and all air traffic in that area was subject to significant delays. On top of that there was such a consequential muddle over huge piles of luggage from several flights being jumbled together on the main lounge floor that one of my cases has been temporarily lost. I do hope I get it back."

Actually Fredcat didn't care if all Cathie's luggage was lost; the most important thing was that there were now two humans to look after him. He was famous enough to need an entourage of at least that number to satisfy all his needs. "Did you bring me back anything nice?" was his next question and Cathie pulled the suitcase that had made it home a present for the Mighty One.

"Of course I've not forgotten you," she said, smiling, "These are special cat biscuits from England, I'll set then out for you; they were given to me by one of your UK feline friends, Snotty Cat, from Liverpool." Fredcat immediately hopped out from Cathie's grasp and was soon chomping his way though the treat, bits of biscuit spilling thought his incomplete set of teeth as usual.

"So what have you been doing?" he demanded between mouthfuls, "Mr. B. said you'd gone to a funeral or something."

Cathie sighed and confirmed the news, "I'm afraid I had to travel to England at very short notice because of a family bereavement, Fredcat."

Fredcat stopped eating and thought about what Cathie had just said. This idea of funerals was not something that he wanted to dwell on and he hurriedly changed the subject. "Are there any more goodies in your other suitcase?" he asked but Cathie merely smiled, and told him to wait his hurry.

Before long the telephone rang and a man at the airport told Cathie that her missing suitcase had indeed been found and would be delivered later that night, probably when all the humans - and Fredcat - were fast asleep. And, typical Fredcat, when the Mighty One woke the next day he had forgotten all about Cathie's visit to the UK. Mr. B. was OK as a stopgap human helper, but Cathie was the one that really mattered - and she was back now. Happy Fredcat!

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Friday, June 1^st 2007 (number 959)

Confused Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat stared worriedly at Mr. B. "It's come to my notice that I'm being short changed here," he started, "When I came to visit with you humans permanently, it was on the understanding that there would be at least two of you. Now it appears that one, and the main one at that, has vanished." He waited patiently for a reply but to no avail. "No disrespect to you, Mr. B., but my best human friend, Cathie, seems to have done a bunk. I don't remember seeing her for a while - and that's very worrying, I'll have you know; if she doesn't come back soon, very soon, I shall have to consider my options and think about moving on." He scratched himself carefully and on completion shook his famous ginger and white head vigorously.

Mr. B. gave in. "We didn't want to worry you needlessly," he said, "The fact is that Cathie has had to go off for a couple of days to go to an, errr, funeral. We know that it's a subject that you'd rather not know too much about but I'm afraid that it's something that happens to humans at the end of their life on earth. And to, errr, felines, as well. Remember - we told you about this some time ago."

Fredcat stared again, "She is coming back isn't she?" he croaked, "This is not some sort of human trick is it? Because, if it is, I'm off." He stamped his left paw firmly on the floor.

Unanswered, he looked suspiciously at Mr. B. "How do I know what you're telling me is true?" he demanded, "Cathie's car is still in the garage, you know. I don't like it; it's far too dangerous on my own. I suspect you've been fobbing me off with innuendo for some time now, I think I should call the police!" The Mighty One was getting a bit panicky by now, and he started turning round in small circles, uncertain as to what to do next.

Mr. B. took matters into his own hand, literally. Stooping, he gently picked the Mighty One off the floor and sat him down with him in the chair in front of the big TV. "Look here! I've been assured by Cathie that she will be here tomorrow. She's had to fly to her destination - which is why her car is still in the garage. She's promised us faithfully that she'll be home tomorrow, and I'm sure she'll bring you a treat or two."

The Grumpy One gave Fredcat a rub on his head, and under his chin, and the Mighty One purred with pleasure, as always. "Perhaps Cathie will bring you some nice new clothes to wear; That'd be good wouldn't it?" But Fredcat snorted, he knew Mr. B. was pulling his leg but he also knew it was kindly meant. It was also time to take advantage of the situation.

"As Cathie won't be here for another twenty four hours," he said, "I'll try not to suffer too much." He sighed theatrically, "But some nice tinned tuna would go a long way to alleviate my angst."

He turned and smiled sweetly, if a tad crookedly, and Mr. B. relented. Cathie would never know that Fredcat was being given special treats when she wasn't around, would she?

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