It is Hallowe'en and Fredcat is probably going to make himself scarce for the rest of the evening. There are just too many scary creatures around and not all of them are toy-like. There is a nice quiet place under one of the beds, which will suit Fredcat perfectly. A cuddly Hallowe'en cat Large image Fredcat thinks that the children's costumes he saw last year were wonderful to behold. Some of the children must have spent ages having make-up applied. They came clambering up the steps to the house, ready to say the magical words, "Trick or Treat". Fredcat is convinced that some of the very smallest children have no idea what the phrase means! It doesn't matter as largesse abounds - to be given and received. A large part of Hallowe'en appears to be pumpkin carving. One of Fredcat's nice human friends, Jane, shows her talent by carving out all sorts of figures in her pumpkins. Candlemakers are also pleased with the seasonal event as all respectable pumpkins have a lit candle inside to cast eerie shadows. In the centre of Raleigh, the state capital of North Carolina (where Fredcat lives), street parties are being held. Traffic builds up to quite heavy levels as people arrive for the parties, and cars have been banned from some city streets for the evening. With the weather being quite warm, large crowds are expected. The revellers wear fancy costumes to hide their true identities. Indeed, one of the local police chiefs has just announced that he, too, will be attending one of the parties in costume. His costume? A policeman's outfit! He added that there should be quite of lot of his fellow colleagues going to the party dressed in the same way. Hmmm..... 
Hallowe'en approaches, and Fredcat is beginning to feel as if his front doorstep (where he likes to laze in the evenings) is being overrun by dumb creatures. These figures don't appear to do anything at all. Sort of like you then, sniped Mr. B. from the shadows, cheerily. They also appear to have taken the best snoozing spots, to boot! Worrying Hallowe'en creatures Large image Some estimates of Hallowe'een expenditure have recently been publicised. It is said that people in the USA will spend some $6.8 billion on decorations and the like on Hallow'en, a spend only second to seasonal decorations and suchlike purchased for Christmas! Most of the money will be spent by corporate customers. That's quite a lot of money, thought Fredcat, I could buy my all of my favorite meals for ever with thst amount of cash! Fredcat wanted to know who were the main beneficieries of US-style Hallowe'en celebrations, but Cathie, being English, was not sure. "Hallowe'en is beginning to catch on more strongly in England", she said, "but Hallowe'en will take time to develop to the same levels in the UK as exists here. I think that, nowadays, Hallowe'en is supposed to be mainly for children", she added. "The little ones spend their days beforehand planning which costumes they will wear before they venture forth for their "trick and treat" routine". Actually, thought Fredcat, it seems to me to be a simple device for children to garner sweets, which their parents would not normally allow them to eat in such quantities otherwise. "The children I saw last year were very particular as to which sweets they collected", added the Famous One. "Does anyone reply "treat" to the Trick or Treat question?", he queried. "I don't know", replied Cathie, "I think I will pass on finding out this year", she added, tactfully. 
A few nights ago Fredcat was sitting on the front doorstep watching the night creatures whirl around, when he espied a light circling in the sky above. Now Fredcat is not one of those cats who believes in the supernatural (even though Hallowe'en is approaching) so he immediately started searching for a rational explanation. (What a logical famous cat he is...) Unconcerned by UFOs Large image He was joined by his best human friend, Cathie, who wondered if this unknown rotating illumination was related to the North Carolina State Fair which was occurring not far away. Whatever it was, the light continued to circle in the night sky for well over an hour. No, it was not a UFO, it was clealy a searchlight - the beam was coming from a fixed spot on the ground, but a spot quite some way distant. Fredcat mused (mewsed?) aloud. In 1947 there was quite a public scare when apparent UFO sightings were made in Roswell in the New Mexico desert, when thousands of people thought that some claimed government anthropomorphic dummies had been mistaken for humanoid aliens. All sorts of scary theories have been promulgated to disprove this official explanation of events, noted Fredcat. It was a calm, still night, just the sort of evening when a tiny breeze will send a creepy chill down the back of one's neck. Hmmm!, thought Fredcat again, I think I'll pop inside and see if there is any of that new turkey roast left. If the light is emanating from a UFO then the occupants of the ship can wait another day because I am feeling rather peckish. 
Autumn ("Faaahll") is now here and the clocks have been put back one hour. This happened in both Britain and in the USA yesterday. Fredcat was surprised by this change as he couldn't for the life of him understand why yesterday all the humans stayed in bed for longer, instead of providing him with his usual breakfast on time. It was a poor do, indeed! Put the clocks back! Large image Come the start of the week when all the working humans left to go to their place of work, it seemed that the world outside was much lighter than usual. There were fewer headlights from the morning traffic to dazzle one in the early hours. As it happens, the quantity of light in the morning hours does not seem to affect Fredcat overmuch. A few quick blinks and he is now used to being off out, looking for a new playmate amongst the local scurrying creatures - unless it is raining, of course! Nowadays on rising, Fredcat has taken it upon himself to have two "goes", at least, at his breakfast. The first few quick bites are just to assuage the rising humans that they were justified in responding to Fredcat's demands for food. But recently, he has started to peek at the great outdoors before turning around for a second chance at the feeding bowl. The humans are kept on the hop - to ensure that they realise that it is Fredcat who calls the tune and not vice versa. It seems that in the rush to get ready for the day's activities there is only one winner; Fredcat wants his meat, iced water and fresh biscuits, the humans want a nice cuppa (no time to eat). Guess whose needs are met first? ... 
One of the major tasks associated with the recent house re-decoration was the repainting of all walls. It may not have taken very long to paint them (due to those super new painting devices, paint pads) but the effect was to lose all of Fredcat's carefully arranged markings at corners and doorways. How else is a cat expected to keep a track of where he is in the house? Marking cat Large image It would be a tedious job for our friend to mark and re-mark all those significant places but, being a famous cat, he would plan it out in advance and carry out the marking process one place at a time, just as efficiently as the humans had done when they repainted the walls. Fredcat regretted not asking the humans to place the markings for him when they were re-painting the walls, but quickly realised that they did not have the neccessary scents (or sense!), to do that. Pity. Fredcat's thoughts turned to his most recent gift to Cathie of the vole. It must have been very acceptable to her because Mr Vole had been eagerly removed from its last resting place on the doorstep. Good for her!. He was actually pleased because he usually had to take these gifts right into the bedroom before they were noticed. Sometimes he made a great pretence of playing with the vole or mouse to show how much he appreciated living with such a nice, kind human. The words, "Out!, Out!", in Fredcat's opinion were an expression meaning that he would now be given a tasty meal as a Thank You for the gift, so he usually quickly left the present on the bedroom flor and drifted down the hall towards the kitchen for his own prize. How grateful they must be to feed him so well! Perhaps he should consider bringing the present actually into the bed itself? Perhaps not! 
The new carpets had been laid and there was definitely a different smell about the house. Fredcat wandered into a number of rooms and it was obvious that all the furniture had been moved around also. Nothing was where it should be and it all felt wrong. Would he ever get used to the changes? Vole catcher cat Large image Fredcat finally went outside. The new lawn was coming along fine, but there appeared to be bumps in it. At Fredcat's eye level these little humps and dips appeared to be quite sizeable alterations in the level of the terrain - and it wasn't very attractive. Yes, yes, of course, it was the fault of those wretched voles again! (see Victory over the voles, June 30 ). Fredcat actually liked the emergent lawn, it usually had a flatness about it that made walking across easy as well as long blades of grass which were pleasant for a feline to chew on (it was just a pity that whenever this latter action was completed it usually became necessary to "cough up" both the grasses and the morning lunch, though .....) The upshot was that after chewing on a few blades of grass, Fredcat found a friendly vole and decided to show it to his best human friend, Cathie. Unfortunately, the vole declined to cooperate fully as a plaything, decided to switch species, and "played possum". This state soon turned out to be permanent, so Fredcat left the vole on the front doorstep where Cathie, shrieking, soon found it. But the lawn will be all the better for the vole's removal, thought our feline friend. "It seems that nobody is ever satisfied nowadays", he grumbled, and went in search of his tea. 
Come the new dawn, Fredcat saw that the men were now removing the carpets in the living room. They used very sharp Stanley knives (aka box cutters) to divide up sections of carpet to be removed. The carpets were quickly rolled up and carted away on trucks. This was unusual for a house move, thought Fredcat. Molified cat Large image Then it dawned our Famous Feline that this was not a house move at all but merely room redecoration. He had seen a similar thing happening to a friend of his who had recently bought a house. All the furniture, including carpets, had been removed and new carpets had been laid to replace the old ones. Fredcat had moved house so often that he had not realised that it was possible to make these changes without moving house (!). He looked again at the Stanley knives. Wow! - they were sharp. Were these the same tools that had been use by airline terrorists not so long ago? They appeared to be a lot sharper than Fredcat's claws but Fredcat knew that his claws were able to move a lot more quickly than any person wielding a Stanley knife. Not that he felt inclined to test his abilities in that direction, mind you. He preferred to fight his battles from a comfortable armchair or at the desk in front of a quiet PC terminal. 
It was house change time and Fredcat feared for the worst. Everything was topsy turvy and rooms which were once neat and tidy had become disordered. From Fredcat's perspective, which is only a few inches off the floor for most of the time, large immovable item of furniture had nevertheless been moved and chaos abounded. All change cat Large image The first item to be lost included the comfortable large settee with its complement of cushions. This included the nice cat cushion to which he had become attached since August 31st. There was nowhere to perch and survey the room anymore and in addition, there were far too many strangers around for his liking. The only remaining large item of furniture, a solid glass topped table, was suddenly lifted and then transported out of sight into another room. This was extremely worrying. Several time in his long life, Fredcat had seen this happen. Hustle and bustle and then vroom!, into a car and away somewhere to another house. Why did humans do this?, he wondered. There is always so much to explore in one's current home and environs and never-ending fun to be had before sleep time. This would not be over quickly, Fredcat reckoned. The real puzzle was why he had not been informed of the whole sudden change. At least his own personal feeding area was still in its place. There would have been serious trouble if that had moved without explanation. Fredcat went outside where the air was warn for the time of the year and found a nice spot in the shrubbery to have a quiet sleep. 
Fredcat was saddened to hear that a very large distant relative of his - a white tiger - had behaved extremely badly to his trainer recently. Roy Horn, of Seigfried and Roy, who have a magic show based in a Las Vegas hotel, was unable to control the behaviour of his tigerish charge and was very badly injured as a consequence. Tiger!, Tiger! Large image Seigfreid has apparently gone on record as saying that the tiger, in his own way, was protecting Roy Horn. The latter certainly loved his tiger pal and wouldn't hear of any hurt towards him. Cathie says that Fredcat's "strike" reaction is so fast that it fair makes the eyes blink to realise that it has happened at all. If Fredcat had been a Wild West Cowboy he would have been a very mean gunslinger indeed! The white tiger was not the only large animal in the news recently. In Manhattan a man claimed he was bitten by a dog but it was later discovered that his injuries had been caused by a 425lb orange and white Siberian-Bengal mix tiger which he had kept, together with an alligator, in his flat! He had reared the tiger from a tiny cub, but now it was fully grown and ready to act like the creature that it was. Fredcat thinks that it is much better to have a little kitten stay with you - purely on the basis that such a kitten could adopt The Famous One as his role model. Who know - it might grow up to be almost as famous as Fred! Good grief, thought Mr. B., not two of you ..... 
Two weeks ago when Fredcat was on the prowl in the very early hours of the morning, he noticed the streetlight at the end of the front garden (yard) was going on and off at regular intervals. Normally when lights behave this way they flicker repeatedly, often a few times a second. But the behaviour of this streetlight seemed to be unusual, to say the least. Strike a light, Guv'nor! Large image This streetlight would shine normally for about one minute and then stop for about the same length of time, repeating this cycle endlessly until dawn, when mercifully, the light stopped shining altogether. All of this was extremely disconcerting to Fredcat as he found his night-time stalking interrupted by sudden bursts of light and darkness. Fredcat marched inside, found a human, and commenced to complain bitterly, long, and loud. It seems that at a critcial time in chasing a mouse he had been totally distracted by the light going off and, although his vision is exceptional compared to that of humans, the moment of capture was lost and the mouse escaped. Fredcat was not a happy moggie. So his best human friend, Cathie, promised to explain the problem experienced by our Famous Feline to a representative of the power company, Progress Energy. However, trying to find a telephone number to call to voice her complaint to a real life human was easier said than done, and Cathie ended up being directed to the company's website. There, lo and behold!, she found an on-line form awaiting completion to enable the resolution of problems such as this! No telephone call was necessary, no having to listen to the same piece of piped music over and over (and over and over) again while waiting to talk to a human, no delays, just complete the form, click and send. They even had a list of fault options ready to click onto! Progress Energy took their time to respond, as they had their hands full with the problems of post-Hurricane Isabel clean-up. But, eventually, the streetlight was fixed. No one saw them carry out the repair, perhaps it was done remotely. Whatever - it was just fixed. The repair must have pleased the neighbours since they could now go to bed without having to draw their curtains against the on again, off again, on again, off again streetlight. Fredcat was particulaly pleased as it meant that his nightime prowling could continue unfettered. Cathie was pleased as the solution cost her little effort and as for Mr. B.... "Well, he is never pleased, so that doesn't matter", said Fredcat, with a striking display of independent thought. "Hmmm", said Mr. B.
With so much overseas news now available though various forms of the media, it might have been easy to miss the fact that Fredcat's website has received a visitor from Singapore. Hello, and welcome, said visitor! With visitors from many counties now visitng the Famous One's website, he is becoming even more smug and insists on regaling anybody he can with lists of countries which have provided him with electronic visitors. Singaporean cat Large image Fredcat read in the news today that the Chinese astronaut who took off on Wednesday landed safely and the Chinese government are already talking of more flights and also of building a space station - on the moon, no less - in the near future. A new word will soon enter the English language, namely “Taikonaut” meaning a Chinese astronaut. Fredcat wonders if this will catch on as quickly as did the words astronaut and cosmonaut. Hmmm, perhaps not, thought Fredcat, it is a bit of a mouthful. If they have a large telescope on board they should be able to spot Fredcat on one of his many adventures from on high. Oh well, he considered, there will be plenty of disguises available for my use. "Though I draw the line at dressing up again in a large, floppy hat and dark glasses”, he opined. (Mr. B. wondered why Fredcat even bothered with disguises, “No one recognizes you anyway”, he said nastily. "The disguises are clearly working then!," shot back Fredcat.) 
Despite a warm, comfortable bed and as much loving care and attention as could be provided by Fredcat's best human friend, the little nuthatch died in his sleep last night. It was not unexpected, thought Fredcat, solicitously. His displeasure at not being able to play with the nuthatch had been sensibly balanced by a smidgeon of sorrow at the little bird's passing. Life goes on for Fredcat Large image After all, this is Mother Nature in operation out there and it it is the survival of the fittest, Fredcat said, in one of his telepathic messages to his Italian friend Emi. A decent burial took place and there was general satisfaction that the best had been achieved and that no passerby had accidently trodden on the helpless nuthatch in its last hours on the busy sidewalk. "The nuthatch is dead, long live the nuthatch", said Fredcat later. "There are lots of other birds out there and we can now start with a level playing field again. Me on the ground wirth my famous skills and the birds up above with the abilty to fly out of reach. If they lose, we play - if they win, I go for a home made lunch instead. It seems I win both ways. What could be fairer than that?" 
Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, arrived home from work breathless. From inside her car she produced a large cardboard box and gingerly brought it inside the house and placed it upon the table. There were several holes punched in the top and inside was a little bird, a nuthatch. Oh good, thought Fredcat, a wonderful present for me. How kind! Looking for the nuthatch Large image But no, this nuthatch was "proper poorly". Cathie had discovered the tiny creature on the pavement near her office door when she was on her break from work. After chatting to the doorman about it, she decided to capture the bird and put it in a large box, in the hope that it would recover. Apparently nuthatches like to climb down - but not up! - trees and this little fellow appeared to have slipped and knocked himself out with unknown consequences, as he was acting in a most unavian fashion. Cathie's kind boss let her leave work a few minutes early that day and she and sicky bird set off to see the v*t. A shot of this and a shot of something else was administered and then both set off for home, the smaller of two still in its photocopier paper box. "Is it really mine!", said Fredcat expectantly once more. But, again, a firm denial for the feline. Despite all the travelling so far, the nuthatch survived, and after a further health inspection was given a place of honour in the spare room and left to recover. Fredcat's nose was put of of joint. He refused the offer of both beef and prawns and crunched his biscuits ferociously as if to make a point. After sniffing out the location of the bird in the spare room he left and stalked out of the front door. Later, later!, he muttered to himself. "It is only a few days since my birthday, and now everyone is drooling over a little bird. It is not even a d*g", he almost growled. Doubtless tonight a vigil will be kept outside the spare room. Tomorrow Fredcat will have a lot to say if the nuthatch is thriving but is still not offered as a feline plaything. Hmmm. Fredcat decided to keep his options open and went to bed early. Yes, tomorrow has the potential to be a good day. Yes! 
This morning, very early (!), Fredcat rose and decided for a change not to wake up his human friends but to stride fearlessly out into the road outside. There he met the strange sight of human walkers everywhere. It was still pitch dark, yet the road seemed to be crammed with walkers - some singly, others in pairs, all exercising away like there was no tomorrow. It fair made Fredcat blanche with panic. Me exercise? No fear! Large image What is going on, he thought. Are they practicing for a race? And why are they wearing such odd clothes? Then a cyclist came wheeling swiftly by and Fredcat had to hop out of the way pretty smartly. Whoa!, he thought, this is getting serious. He then spotted one of his human friends stomping past. "Why are you doing this?", he enquired. "Best time of the day to get the blood circulating and to help me fight the flab", came the busy cyclist's reply. Well that was a good point, considered Fredcat. There has been a lot in the newspapers and on TV recently about how obesity rates are increasing, and this type of exercise appeared to be part of a concerted effort by a few individuals to reduce their weight and thereby improve their cardiovascular health (the Famous One is nothing if not well read - and what a wide vocabulary he has, gentle reader!). This gave Fredcat much food for thought. But, on that very subject, and whilst thinking of food, his stomach started to rumble ominously. It may have sounded like purring to some folk but Fredcat knew better and he realised that he was in danger of missing breakfast, so he moved smartly back inside the house to wake up his human feeders. A cat must eat to keep up his strength, or be faced with dire consequences, you see .... 
After much soul searching, Fredcat finally decided to try out his new sleeping place. Eight whole days after unwrapping his birthday present, he opted for a carefully delineated feasibility review into the proposed use of his new sleeping quarters. He fitted into it snugly (perhaps too snugly) so he soon "hopped it" when the resident parapazzi requested a quick photograph. New bed cat Large image Fredcat had asked for some comfortable lining for the bed so a collection of paper tissues had been obtained. These were of a variety of different colours and were very soft, just right for a famous cat. As it happened, however, he was feeling a little miffed because the dreaded v*t had prescribed some medicine to be given monthly as a precaution against fleas and he had just received the second dose. "What!", he expostulated, indignantly. "I have never had fleas, ear mites, or any such creatures associated with my famous person in my entire life, and now I am being subjected to this undignified treatment!" He was rather more than miffed it seems. It took a great deal of stroking and petting to calm the lively little Fredcat temper down. "Some folk don't have a bed at all", said a helpful human. Fredcat calmed down and said that it was all the v*t's fault. "But," he said, "on reflection, I am sure that I have overreacted to this new sleeping arrangement - I can still remember the hard times of my kittenhood, when beds were very hard to come by". Mr. B. was amazed by this. Can this really be the arrogant Fredcat the Famous? I expect he really is sick, he thought. So his best human friend, Cathie, was persuaded to give him an extra dollop of yoghurt for tea, which was what he wanted all along. Smart cat! 
Since starting his web site in June, Fredcat has been beguiled with the trappings of famousness. In addition to the very worthy www.fredcat.net page, his VP of Marketing has recently obtained bumper stickers proclaiming the web address to everyone. Fredcat, of course, immediately requested the installation of same in a conspicuous position on the car of his favourite human, Cathie. "No problem at all - if it pleases a famous cat", said she, and availed herself accordingly of that action. Guarded Famous cat Large image Fredcat has also decided that he needs business cards/calling cards and these have been duly produced for distribution to the great and the good (and, in truth, to anyone who can be talked into accepting one) by his hard working VP of Marketing. It is to be hoped that all this is not going to our hero's head. ("Big enough as it is", muttered Mr. B.) One of the problems faced by the truly famous is the infamous paparazzi. Fredcat had decided that one way around this problem was to take his future daylight strolls in disguise. The problem with that is that the more one hides from these folk the more determined they are to photograph you. In any case, Fredcat's idea of a disguise consists chiefly of his wearing a hat, scarf and dark glasses - which would only serve to draw attention to him, don't you think? He does want the record to show that, unlike his English ancestor, Puss In Boots, he does not comport himself in footwear of any kind. Fredcat is content, however, to allow his best human friend to wear a nice white jumper with the legend "My cat Fredcat walks all over me!". No boots are required to do that of course. 
While Fredcat was reading the news he was struck by an announcement that China was about to send an astronuat into space sometime later next week. He knew that Laika, a Russian d*g, had been an early space traveller and wondered if cats would ever venture there. If they did, thought our fearless chap, then they would be far too clever to end up like Laika! Earthbound cat Large image The space ship is scheduled to orbit the earth some fourteen times and then return to Earth in a pre-arranged area in China. Sounds like good planning, thought Fredcat, knowing how difficult it is to arrange such things so precisely. Apparently, the lucky astronaut will carry some hand weapons with him in the spacecraft to protect himself if things go wrong - in case he has to fight off wolves and the like when he lands. Did other astronauts have to do that?, Fredcat wondered. Astronauts have to undergo years of intensive training to even qualify for selection. Almost all of them are seasoned pilots, used to the rigours of flying. If China succeeds in this flight they will be the third country to do so after the USSR and USA. Fredcat wondered what the fuss was all about. After all, what goes up must come down, he commented sagely. Doubtless the astronaut will be considered a hero in China and will therefore become famous. "But not as famous as I", he declared to nobody in particular and trotted off for a tuna tea. Fredcat needs to keep his strength up all the time, "just in case". 
Fredcat noticed that there were a lot of chattering people on TV and news broadcasts today. Apparently, there were elections all over the USA for all sorts of important positions. As usual, not everyone voted - only about a quarter of all citizens turning out (which seems to be par for the course all over the world). Unelected - but Famous anyway Large image The chattering and announcing went on, despite the fact that not all votes cast had been counted. "Very odd", thought Fredcat. The sheer openness of public affairs meant that the count of votes cast in each area were immediately available to the public and media and these folks, apparently, couldn't wait a few more minutes for the official results but "announced" the winners anyway. The most significant winner was the film star, "Arnie", who is now the Governor-Elect of California, having declared that he would run for office only two months ago. As California has a sustantial budget ("the fifth biggest economy in the world"!), Arnie's achievement is no mean feat, whatever your political color. Wow! But, significantly, Fredcat was not particularly impressed. "Look", he said quietly, "I am famous, yet I have never been elected. I head a world-wide orgainsation, of an untold number of felines, and I didn't have to spend a penny on attaining my position. I am far too famous to have to bother with elections. Cats all over the world know me for the famous cat that I am - I did not have to present myself to cats at large to get where I am today". Mr. B. scoffed. "Your ego is certainly greater than that of any cat I know", he muttered. "And that's about the size of it". 
Fredcat went for a walk today with his favourite human, Cathie. They proceeded down to the mail box to post a letter, when, lo! and behold!, they beheld a letter from yesterday's mail delivery - lying soaking wet on the driveway! Now how did that get there? Good job I came along or Cathie might have missed it altogether, thought Fredcat. Going for a stroll Large image Fortunately it was only a marketing letter from the bank inviting Cathie to buy something or other. "How about some nice new cat biscuits", said Fredcat. "A cat gets bored eating the same old food day in and day out, you know". Fine, thought Cathie, now I'm being directed to add new cat biscuits to my shopping list and I've only just found out where the old ones were following the recent remodelling in the store. "Perhaps you could go onto the internet and have a look there for the latest in cat foodstuffs", said Fredcat. "The internet is absolutely crammed with people selling things like cat food", he added, persistently. This all fell on deaf ears as it was not Cathie's turn to do the shopping and the computer was "down" due to a communication fault. Whatever did people do before computers and the internet were invented?, thought Fredcat. "Actually, my youthful moggie", said Cathie, smugly, "the internet has proved to be a boon for people who cannot sleep at night. Instead of pacing the bedroom floor, and drinking cups of warm milk in an unrealistic and self-defeating attempt to get one's eyelids to droop, such people are now avid computer users who learn about all sorts of interesting things during the night hours. Some people study for a degree or other futher qualifications at night time when all around them is still." Fredcat thought for a moment. "There is no point in my studying at night", he smiled. "With so many mice to chase after, there is no time to dwell on such arcane matters. Anyway, my mentor Forby taught me all I needed to know when I was young". And he stalked off to try again the stale biscuits left over from brekfast. Not a happy cat. (Join the club, approved Mr. B.)
Today it is back to the usual start of the week routine. Our resident worker has returned to the place of employment and the house seems lonelier and quieter than usual. The weather has turned very balmy; pleasant days with the winds stilled, and with no sign of rain. The garden is looking quite different now that planting has been completed. One thousand visitors! Large image Recent gardening activities have made life more complicated for Fredcat, as he has been forced to find new sleeping places in the garden several times. All his favourite resting spots have been taken over by new shrubs and little trees. The main trouble comes when he tries to settle down in a new place in the shrubbery only to find the water sprinkler dripping wet stuff all over him. It is useless to relocate elsewhere as, sooner or later, the sprinkler finds him and continues his dousing. How annoying to find that his birthday celebrations only lasted for a day and a bit - at most. One would have thought that an extension for a famous cat would be allowed, but this was not the case, more's the pity. At least the balloons are still there and the beds were deliberately left unmade for him to pop in and out of, and this despite the problems of flying bugs intruding into the living spaces. Kind humans! The Fredcat the Famous Vice President of Marketing has just reported that the number of unique visitors coming to www.fredcat.net has exceeded 1,000!! And all since the early part of June this year! This is great news. Thanks to all you new - and returning - visitors, and welcome! Fredcat thinks that even Mr. B. appears impressed - although he would never say so ("You're correct there," said Mr. B., with a snort). 
Yesterday was good. Last night Fredcat slept well (nothing unusual there, muttered Mr. B. to himself.) After Fredcat's mid-morning nap there were more birthday songs and dancing, and then lunch. Cathie had acquired some very tasty beef which went down well - and there was some left over for the Famous One's evening meal. Plenty of balloons at the party Large image How old am I now?, thought Fredcat. Readers will recall that Fredcat's favourite human thinks that he is five! "This is strange as he was five the year before, and the year before that, if my memory is not mistaken," mused Mr. B. Actually, Fredcat does not look a day over fourteen, and so long as fourteen is less than five then honour will be satisfied all around. No matter, Fredcat had a good look at his new comfortable sleeping bed birthday present (is it known as a cocoon?) and was not as impressed as he might have been. Actually the trouble was that there was so much going on during the day that Fredcat was distracted and did not have the time to assess his birthday gift properly. There will be many days and nights to get used to it though. Actually, no matter how good the cat bed gift is, he usually finds that a warm, human bed with rumpled clothing on it (especially if it has been recently vacated!) is by far the best and most comfortable resting place. There were ballons, of course, and these will stay up for quite a while and will serve to remind all around Fredcat of his importance. There was even some Happy Birthday tape strung around the room, and there was more singing and more fur scratching than any normal feline could hope for as the day moved on (but, of course, Fredcat is no normal feline). Holding the balloons down - because they were very light and would have blown away without some form of anchorage - was a charming Hallowe'en kitten - you will be able to see his photograph later in a later episode of the diary, thought Fredcat. Thankfully, it was not a real kitten or our Famous Friend, being rather protective of his leading position in the household, would have seen him off in no time. Birthday or not! 
This has been a great day so far for Fredcat the Famous. A nice early start, with a special birthday breakfast of tuna set out. The Famous One's head did not move except to gulp down this treat until the bowl was empty. Then straight out though the front door, courtesy of the butler. Nice touch that!. Now for the presents! Large image Today there was no unpleasant rain or wind, even the weather wanted Fredcat to have a good birthday. The sprinkler was in action in the garden. Curiously, Fredcat likes to watch the watering - just as long as he does not get too close and get doused himself. From a vantage point at the top of the steps, just by the front door, he stretched out in the morning sun. With an open door behind him and the great outdoors in front of him he was in feline seventh heaven. It was an additional treat to have the front door open! What was Mr. B. thinking of to let that happen? After a while he wandered back inside to sing a birthday duet with his favourite human, Cathie, and even let her take a photograph of him without automatically walking towards the camera (this is a favourite trick of his and inevitably spoils any attempts to take a good photograph). Fredcat was really looking forward to the rest of the day - what will he have for his birthday dinner, for example? And birthday supper? Is this birthday business never going to end, worried Mr.B. More later. 
The day before one's birthday is just as bad as the day before Christmas, thought Fredcat. He knows, or assumes he knows, that a little something in the way of a gift is hidden somewhere in the house but one has to go to sleep first. "That can't be difficult for you", sniped Mr. B. One more sleep before the big day Large image What does a cat really want for a birthday gift? mused our feline friend. Definitely not a new cat carrier, oh, dear me, no! That reminds him of the dreaded visits to the v*t. How about a toy mouse that will race about the room at random and which doesn't mind having its tail bitten off? His friend Charlie has several such mice and she managed to detach the tales in very short order (sounds a bit tough on the mice). A warm winter coat perhaps? No thanks, says Fredcat, too much of a bother to put on when I need to nip outside quickly. A claw sharpener? Nope, I have that already - courtesy of the trees outside. What about an automatic food dispenser, which will dole out fresh biscuits every few hours, or even an automatic door opener to save one the trouble of pushing through the cat flap (cat door)? Seems hardly worthwhile, thought Fredcat, since I have perfectly good humans to do all that. And it keeps them on their toes, as well as providing me with a lot of amusement to roust them just when they have settled down to watch TV. Hmmm. Famous Friend here will be lucky to reach his birthday at all, if he thinks like that, thought Mr. B 
Fredcat mused to himself that the telephones have been quiet all day. Curious! He realised that the nation's telemarketers appear to have been silenced and wonders if this will last .... Waiting for Saturday's birthday calls Large image Recent radio and TV broadcasts have been full of the news that from the beginning of October, telemarketers will be penalised if they make calls to households who are on the newly developed national do not call register. How does this work?, thought Fredcat. Millions of households have apparently signed up to save themselves from this form of marketing. But legal moves may make this a non-starter, as the telemarketers claim that their rights to free speech are being compromised. The legal "niceties" of this ploy are still being discussed at both national and state levels. Some states have declared that, whatever the Federal position, they will nonetheless enforce the use of the register. As a consequence, telemarketing companies are, in the interim, treading very warily. Fredcat's major concern over all of this is that he does not want ordinary folk to be prevented from calling him on his birthday, this coming Saturday. That would never do! He wants the telephone to ring all day long because, famous cat that he is, he is sure to receive many, many birthday wishes. There are some days in the year when he is willing to risk being accused of the sin of pride and the Famous One's birthday is one of those days. |
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This is little me 
- I am so smart!
Move on to say thanks to those who helped Mr. B do this stuff
Copyright © 2003-date Fredcat the Famous and Mr.B.