Welcome to Fredcat's diary - and checkout his tails later!

Monday, October 30^th 2006 (number 868)

Clockwatching Hallowe'en Fredcat! Large image

"I remember this happening last year," scowled Fredcat, "Just when I'm really settled with the timekeeping system you humans have devised, it's all changed. This time I had to wait an extra hour for the Grumpy One to get my breakfast. No matter how many times I meowed at him, indeed, yelled at him, he just turned over, looked at the clock, smiled and went back to sleep. Even when I jumped on the bed, stood on his head and brushed his hands helpfully, he didn't move. Just smiled!" Fredcat was hungry and he was telling his best human friend, Cathie, of his displeasure.

"Don't be hard on Mr. B.," said Cathie, "he's been working very hard for the Hallowe'en night Trick-or-Treat evening. It's going to be a fine clear night; we should be able to see for miles. We expect plenty of visiting youngsters. Mr. B.'s been shopping for sweets and candies as treats - as I'm sure you don't want any tricks played on your famous residence, do you?"

She sighed. "Mr. B. takes this all very seriously you know; he puts on a black wizard's costume with a black shirt, black shoes and special socks to impress the trick-or-treaters but I'm afraid that none of the youngsters take the slightest bit of notice; all they're interested in is the quality of the goodies that's on offer." She sighed again.

"Cathie - about this trick-or-treat thingy," said Fredcat tentatively, "am I allowed to take part? If I stroll up to the front door and meow Trick-or-Treat, will I be offered something splendid to eat? I should tell you right now that I don't have a taste for sweets or candies, but I would happily delve a paw or four into a large bowl full of tiny bars of tuna or roast turkey. I trust the Grumpy One bought some of that stuff for me when he was buying sweeties for the human trick-or-treaters?" He licked his lips at the thought.

"I think not," reproved Cathie, "Mr. B.'s not an idiot, you know, and he wouldn't make you do Trick-or-Treating just to get extra food. He's very kind and he's always filling up your feeding bowl even when you're not looking! You mustn't mind if he sleeps in when the clocks go back an hour; it's one of the joys of human life to have that extra hour of sleep every year, you know." And Fredcat had to admit that he rather liked a lie-in, himself, on occasions. Which surprised no one.

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Friday, October 27^th 2006 (number 867)

Slumbering Fredcat! Large image

It was as if Fredcat, on hearing the news of his continuing good health confirmed by the kindly Dr. B. at the v*t's office, had decided to celebrate in his own inimitable way: viz. sleeping for as long as possible. For some unknown reason Mr. B. had placed Fredcat's big box Christmas bed just the right distance from his feeding bowls which meant that the Mighty One had only a short walk to satisfy his hunger needs yet sufficiently far away to give the impression that he wasn't actually sleeping his life away. "When you were little you used to sleep in all sorts of places," remarked Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, "Anywhere comfy and cosy would do - although lately, I'm glad to say, you've gravitated to sleeping in a number of fixed places where we can find you if we need to."

While Fredcat was indulging in one of his long sleeps, there were sounds from above, but far too far away to disturb the Mighty One. What did get his attention was when the Grumpy One walked downstairs, arms loaded with items which he'd found in the attic, and which he placed outside the front door in preparation for Hallowe'en. There were the usual objects standing in the corners of the doorway, as well as a couple of newer items. One newbie was the inflatable security cat - which Fredcat quite liked, especially when it was lying dormant on the ground because then it made for an excellent additional sleeping mat.

Fredcat asked why the humans were doing this doorstep dressing up lark again. "Last year you did this and I don't see what you got out of it," he said, puzzled, "I can understand your doing it once but not every year. It's simply boring."

"That's because you don't understand," replied the Grumpy One, "When the children go around the neighbourhood for trick or treat on Hallowe'en night it's only good manners for us to enter into the spirit of the thing. What the children want is to be seen to be wearing fancy-looking clothes like everyone else and to get some sweets and candy in the bargain. Having the creatures on our doorstep just demonstrates our willingness to get involved in the whole trick or treat thing."

"Oh! So it's simply a game rather like boxing or wrestling or fencing, then," said Fredcat, being deliberately obtuse. What he wanted was some recognition for his part in the proceedings which, in truth, hadn't been explained to him all that well. He reckoned that so long as his part ended with bowls of meat or tins of tuna he would be quite content to play along with everyone when the great day came. Meanwhile he felt another long sleep coming on and he trotted off to, you've guessed it, his big box Christmas bed.

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Wednesday, October 25^th 2006 (number 866)

Healthy Fredcat! Large image

The telephone rang. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, leapt at the noise but sat down quickly. Nobody else moved; they all knew who it was. Finally Mr. B. walked to the telephone and, after listening briefly to the voice on the other end, said the fateful words, "It's the v*t's office; it's Dr. B. and she wants to talk to you, Cathie." Cathie took a deep breath and greeted the caller. Her face quickly brightened. "You mean to say that the results of his second blood panel are excellent? Wow, that's great news!" She continued in this vein for a minute or two then turned to the Mighty One who was by now standing tall. "You're absolutely fine, Fredcat!" she said, "Flying colours! We don't need to pack you off to the v*t's office for an extended stay quite yet."

"To be honest, I am feeling a lot better," the Famous One replied, "This Meloxicam medication is good stuff. It's working fine and I don't feel my arthritic pain nearly as much as I used to. Any little upset I've had this last week has probably been more due to the sudden downturn in the temperature these last few days. I can't believe that last night the temperature fell to 32 degrees F - that's freezing point! I'm just glad Mr. B. has fixed up the bedding in my big box Christmas bed. It's ever so comfortable having two beds, one on top of another. I don't need electricity to help me keep warm in that bed." He smiled his dentally-challenged crooked smile.

"Are you going to carve some pumpkins this year?" he continued, "Hallowe'en is getting quite close and I see there are some attractively carved pumpkins on our neighbours' stairs already. It would be smashing to have one or two of our own. Besides they're very nice for me to rub my face against; those metal railings we have are very cold to the touch."

But Mr. B. said that he didn't think he was up to carving pumpkins, while Cathie was out at work during the day and didn't fancy risking cutting herself in the name of art. "OK, well, perhaps I should have a party," suggested Fredcat, "I mean to say, it isn't every FIVE year old cat gets such good blood bank results. We could time it to coincide with Hallowe'en." But Mr. B., although pleased as Punch to hear that there was nothing intrinsically wrong with the Mighty One, had thoughts of his own.

"Why don't you use some of your surplus energy doing something useful - or, if you're looking to find something relaxing, try one of my pastimes on your intawebs. There's always something new to try and play with if you search hard enough," he said. But Fredcat didn't want to do that and, frankly, neither did Cathie (she'd had altogether enough of computers for the time being), so the two off them went off together to watch the big TV. Cathie was so, so pleased to have a vibrant and healthy cat back again that she glossed over the fact that the Mighty One might have to have pain medication for years and years to come. Fredcat was pain-free and that was all that mattered right now.

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Monday, October 23^rd 2006 (number 865)

Another blood panel for Fredcat! Large image

On Saturday, just as the Famous One was settling down to have a nice long nap, a grinning Mr. B. and a worried best human friend, Cathie, descended upon Fredcat en masse and carted him off to the v*t's office. "This is most unfair," he yelled, "I've done nothing wrong and here I am, off to the vet's for the second time in seven days; it's just not on!" His cries, pitiful as they were, were ignored and soon he was being subjected to the indignity of having more blood taken. "The results will be with y'all on Monday," was the official line, together with, "and y'all can write all about it in y'all's Wednesday diary," (comments that did nothing to soothe the Mighty One).

"You needed to have a second panel of blood tests taken," said Cathie, when Fredcat had calmed down somewhat, "Your being on Meloxicam has to be monitored closely. I know you've had a bit of an upset stomach today; I just hope it's not all that fish you've been eating. When we weighed you this morning we noticed that you've lost half a pound from your best fighting weight of a year or so ago; I only wish Mr. B. could lose body mass as easily as that!" But, despite her joking, Cathie was concerned, all the same.

"I think you need cheering up!" she said, "Let's have a song." Fredcat wavered at this invitation. It was OK listening to the Cathie singing, as she had a good voice even though her choice of songs were not always to his liking. He preferred her made-up songs best as they always referred to him as a famous feline - which he was. Indeed, he much preferred the female voice to that of Mr. B.'s as the latter had a croaking warble which hurt the feline ears. Cathie had this habit of holding him when she sang, which was oddly comforting.

When she had finished her singing she took him along to his big box bed. "I'm glad you're feeling a bit improved," she said, "Now I shall make sure you're cormfortable before the Grumpy One and I go out tonight for a bit of an annual celebration. It's just a human thing. It's not a birthday celebration, but something a little different." Fredcat didn't care about the details. If it was a celebration and food was involved then he was in for a treat on Cathie's return - and that always got his vote! He purred contentedly as Cathie laid him on his bed.

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Friday, October 20^th 2006 (number 864)

Dressing-up Fredcat? No way! Large image

Fredcat looked, aghast, at his intawebs. There, in full view was the preferred dress for felines for Hallowe'en. Fredcat was unimpressed. "I am not wearing that stuff," he declared, "I don't care how much I'm paid to do so." He clearly had decided views on dressing up in cat costumes for All Hallows' Eve. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, wrung her hands in despair. "I'm sure that other humans will agree with me that dressing up is just the thing for cats for Hallowe'en," she said, "You'll be the belle of the ball."

That did it. "I'm not wearing that just so that you can bask in my reflected glory," growled the Mighty One, "I'm a male feline not a female one, I only dance under special circumstances, and I've never been to a formal ball. So there!" And there the matter rested, no matter how much Cathie pleaded with him.

Cathie tried a different tack later. "Are you feeling better now that you're taking your painkiller medication?" she asked, "We've been very careful to give you the correct dose every day, you know. I must admit that I'm still a tad worried about you - you haven't been eating and drinking like you should. Is there any thing wrong with your mouth or tongue?"

Fredcat didn't answer. He had this irritating habit of refusing to be drawn into arguments when he had no decent reply to hand, and, like Mr. B., he couldn't wing it like Cathie could whenever an argument brewed.

Instead he turned his attention to the Fredcat PC. The printer was working non-stop as Cathie was busy churning out copies of letters to file away. Now this was interesting. To date, his best study game was knocking all the pens and pencils off the desk no matter how carefully Cathie tidied them away. Between them, the humans had spent many happy hours over the years hunting under the desk for vanished writing implements. Fredcat had spent many happy feline hours teaching his humans this game.

But papers churning out of the printer was a new interest and Fredcat watched carefully - was there something hidden within the printer, pushing the papers out? He soon ascertained that this wasn't the case, grew tired of watching and started to yawn. Cathie gazed at him and asked Mr. B. to open the front door so that the Mighty One could enjoy the approaching dusk before all parties retired for the night. This worked like a charm and soon thereafter Fredcat returned indoors and climbed inside his newly popular big box bed, where he quickly fell asleep. Good night, Fredcat!

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Wednesday, October 18^th 2006 (number 863)

Recovering Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat was in much better shape today. His best human friend, Cathie, was to give him the next dose of Meloxicam when she came home from work. He'd already received the first two doses of 0.3cc on both Saturday and Sunday, and much smaller doses of 0.06 cc on both Monday and Tuesday. "This stuff definitely works," thought the Mighty One, "I feel full of beans - and no mistake!" Mr. B. agreed, though he wished that Fredcat would allow him just a few more minutes in bed before waking him by yelling for breakfast. He almost preferred the earlier version of the Mighty One (who slept in all day) but he knew that Cathie would disagree.

Fredcat had received some nice emails from Kate and the Tower Hill Mob, and Susan L. which he'd had placed in his Famous Guestbook. That was nice of them! He started mewsing. Hmmmm ... This morning after breakfast Mr. B. had cooked some nice best beef which now cooling in the family refrigerator to make sandwiches later on. Best beef, huh? And Fredcat in the same room ... The Famous One continued mewsing.

Mr. B. never seemed to be far away from the Famous One. Fredcat walked to the front door and there was the Grumpy One, a bit of a twinkle in his eye, as he kindly opened the front door, but Fredcat wasn't fooled. It was raining and there was no chance of his being kicked out to personally evaluate the force of the rain. No, sir! He stayed tucked up inside and, to his surprise, Mr. B kept the door open to allow a warm draft to cover the back of the Fredcat torso whilst the Maestro was able to survey the road below. He loved this setup and wished he were allowed to do it more often. He watched a stray pigeon take off slowly from a nearby tree. He had no desire to chase after him. It was fine to be fit and well, but one had to be sensible and conserve energy.

When Cathie came home she also seemed unusually attentive. "We were quite worried about you over the weekend," she said to Fredcat, "Dr. B. has sent me the results of your weekend blood tests and you seem to have passed with flying colours. You're in better shape than I am! Mind you, we need to have you tested all over again this coming weekend as the use of Meloxicam has to be monitored very closely. We don't want your kidneys packing up, you know."

Fredcat froze. "What do you mean, my kidneys packing up? That sounds ominous." He looked in alarm at both humans. "To be honest, I'm not really sure where my kidneys are, but I certainly don't want them packing up yet."

But Cathie soon soothed Fredcat. "Don't you worry, my sweet, you've many years to go yet. As I said, I was a tad worried last weekend but I feel much better about you today."

"As do I," thought Fredcat, "If I can put up with even more blood tests this weekend I'll be more than happy, but I'll be even happier if I can get a early taste of that cooled best beef. Forget the crusty bread and salad - just the meat, if you please."

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Monday, October 16^th 2006 (number 862)

Suffering Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat knew something was wrong when he woke up on Saturday morning. He had little energy and there was a pounding pain whenever he tried to move his limbs. He looked appealingly at his best human friend, Cathie, but she was fast asleep and Fredcat didn't want to wake her up. He looked around for Mr. B. but soon worked out that the Grumpy One was downstairs putting out the Fredcat breakfast and making the morning cups of tea for the humans. Fredcat slumped onto his haunches and didn't make a move. This was most unusual; he would have to wait for Mr. B. to come upstairs and then let him know what was going on.

He pretended to be asleep whilst Cathie woke and went downstairs, giving him a friendly stroke on the way. Once on his own he crawled to the foot of the bed and looked down. The helpfully placed footstool at the bed's edge seemed a long way down today, he thought, and after a pause of several minutes, he gingerly took a step down. That hurt! He remained motionless on the footstool, unwilling to take the last step down to the floor.

The humans were saying something and while Fredcat couldn't make out what they were saying it was clear that knew instantly that Fredcat was in trouble and, sure enough, all parties were soon off to the v*t's office. There were no complaints from the Mighty One on the way there this time - not even a peep. A fortunate cancellation saw him undergoing a full medical inspection and then a blood analysis in very short order.

"Fredcat's in lots of pain," diagnosed the friendly v*t, Dr B., "I prescribe a large initial dose of Meloxicam followed by a small daily dose thereafter," she said. "We'll await the results of the blood test. The Famous One should be OK on this medication, but we need to be sure." Fredcat went home lying still and remaining absolutely quiet in Cathie's arms. On arrival he was given the first 0.3cc dose of Meloxicam and creeping into his (quite unseasonable) big box Christmas bed, went to sleep, with Cathie worrying away in the next room. She persuaded Mr. B. to go the sub-division neighbourhood BBQ alone, whilst she kept watch.

Fredcat continued to sleep and the humans went to bed with worried frowns. The next morning at 5.45am precisely, however, Mr. B. was wakened by a very loud MEOW and saw Fredcat pacing impatiently at the foot of the bed. "My pain has gone away, thanks to the excellent Dr. B. - and the Meloxicam," said the Mighty One, "and now I'm famished. I missed out on a lot life-supporting food yesterday and I've a great deal of catching up to do. I also need to set to and inspect my residence and consider the construction of a guest house." Fredcat was clearly on the mend. Even Mr. B. was not too displeased to see him up and about; he could now get back to working hard on the Fredcat PC.

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Friday, October 13^th 2006 (number 861)

Fairgound Fredcat! Large image

Mid morning, Fredcat was quietly sleeping on one of his comfortable round beds in the screened porch when Mr. B. came into the kitchen and started to prepare the evening meal. Despite there being several layers of walls and windows separating the two males the smell of beef soon wafted into the Fredcat nostrils. Fresh, best beef, no less! In less time than it takes to relate this fact the Fredcat mouth, suitably attached to the rest of him, was next to the Grumpy One, eyes watching carefully the goings-on on the countertop above. "How'ya doing?" said Fredcat. To be honest, it wasn't much of an opening gambit, but it achieved its purpose. Mr. B. stopped in mid-slice and looked at the Mighty One.

"I'm doing absolutely fine, thanks for asking," replied Mr. B., but he knew what was going on. "I'm making a beef stew for this evening's meal," he continued. "What d'you want?"

Fredcat sighed, He knew that quite often Mr. B. meant well when he filled his special feeding bowls with commercially produced packet meat but there was nothing like clean, fresh, uncooked meat in his feline eyes. After all, that was what he was after when he went a-hunting. For a change Mr. B. appeared to comprehend and soon there was an extra bowl of small chopped up pieces of best beef filling a Fredcat bowl. Fredcat must have waved a magic wand over the bowl because it suddenly became mysteriously empty, and Mr. B. was replenishing it. This happened not once but twice more in rapid succession, whilst the Grumpy One marvelled at the capacity of the Fredcat insides to absorb all this meat.

When Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, came home she was pleased to hear that Fredcat had had such a good appetite but glanced suspiciously at her smaller than expected helping of beef stew. "I suppose it does me good not to over-indulge," she said to Mr. B., "but next time please buy a larger portion of beef. I want to visit the North Carolina State Fair this weekend and I don't want to faint from hunger and fatigue before I get there."

Fredcat approached both her and Mr. B. when all were relaxing after their evening meal. "Errrr," he began, tail twitching nervously, "There's a matter of some delicacy that involves both of you, and it's rather awkward." He looked hopefully to see a sign of an encouraging smile. Thankfully Cathie was beaming at him, even if Mr. B. had a scowl on his face. "You see I have long been an indoor/outdoor feline and you have kindly provided me with litter trays in the garage for use when it's not possible or practicable to go outside after my meal, if you see what I mean." This was accompanied by more nervous tail-twitching.

"Even though I am only FIVE," he said, clearly, "This is a big house to a feline. There are stairs all over the place and at times during the night I have to trudge downstairs from my sleeping quarters to use the litter tray. I've noticed that you humans have your own facilities on each floor but I don't - and this is my residence, after all! I've scouted around upstairs and there's a convenient utility room which could be put to use to save me having to go downstairs, out through the cat door and into the garage to fond the nearest litter tray in the middle of the night. Feline parity with humans, please!"

Cathie and Mr. B. looked at each other as they both gravely took in Fredcat's meaning. "Mr. B.'ll look into it and prepare a suitable litter tray for you upstairs," said Cathie, "We need you to have a proper comfort zone, Fredcat - it's nothing less than a cat of your famosity deserves. Come here! You dealt with this issue in a very mature way, and I'm proud of you. I'll even forgive you for nicking some of my best beef." What a kind person she was!

Fredcat was pleased that it had all gone so well and headed upstairs to check that the latest Happy Birthday greetings from his Gentle Readers had been pasted into his Guestbook by the Grumpy One. Fredcat loved receiving communications from his friends, and these latest ones had arrived from Weezer (a star of the latest Fredcat Tails story) and best human friend Susan L., from Dane E (a rodeo and horse fan - wow!) living in Pennsylvania, and from Cathy Couture living in France (which was, of course, written in French and which Cathie had to translate for Fredcat). Life was good for the Famous One. What a happy cat he was!

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Wednesday, October 11^th 2006 (number 860)

Sarcastic Fredcat!! Large image

After his long Monday morning lie-in (which he'd repeated the next day, Tuesday) Fredcat had finally risen and given himself a good wash and brush up, much to the relief of his humans. His lengthy slumbering had not prevented his best human friend, Cathie, from rousing him to administer dose number five (out of six) of some oral medicine which usually helped to clear up his intermittent, but persistent, hacking cough. "Are you quite finished?" commented the Famous One, shaking his head to get rid of the taste of the medication. "This is one of my favourite tastes you know," he continued, "Perhaps I could have another dose if you've got one to spare."

Now this was a Fredcat attitude of which Cathie was unaware, and she frowned. "You're not trying to act like Mr. B., are you?" she asked, seemingly politely, "If you are, you can try helping him fold the clothes he's ironing; he could do with some help." She smiled, two could play at this game of sarcasm.

"No, thank you," said Fredcat, "I don't want Big Brother catching me doing mundane housework; that's the job of Mr. B. and I take great exception to you lumping me in with that, that ... person." He had struggled to find a suitable epithet to describe the Grumpy One but his usual wit failed him, probably because he hadn't eaten for, well, several minutes.

He hastily changed tack. "You know what," he continued, "having a birthday in October, like me, isn't such a great idea; there are so many special days in October that my own special ♫ birthday day ♫ has been quite swamped. It's so bad that October is now referred to as the Month of Months month." He snickered softly but Cathie took care not to notice.

She turned away and began to hum one of Fredcat's favourite tunes and, even though the Maestro was still in an awkward mood, he soon softened his sarcastic demeanor and joined in with her and the two happily "sang" Habanera from Carmen. "That tune's been stuck in my head all day, for some 'fruity' reason," smiled Cathie as together they set off down to the kitchen where Mr. B. had prepared a nice evening meal for them. It had been a good day!

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Monday, October 9^th 2006 (number 859)

Slovenly Fredcat!! Large image

It was Monday morning and the humans in the Fredcat household were up and running. Of Fredcat himself, however, there was no sign. "Do you think he's ill?" asked Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, a tad worried. "Go and check his beds and see where he is and remind him that we expect him to be making sure that we rise promptly in the mornings. It's not like him to be absent; the poor thing must be dreadfully hungry."

Mr. B. soon returned, "Fredcat says that he's having a lie-in as he missed out on having one on his birthday," he reported. "He says that he's preparing to add to his thrice weekly diary some Happy Birthday wishes from Alley, Peanut and Kelly, as well as from Patsy and Callie Cat; the latter purring proudly after starring in his latest Fredcat Tails story." Mr. B. could hardly keep a straight face as Cathie ordered him to bring down the tardy feline from his best round bed.

"Look here, my lovely lad, I put up with a lot from you and I expect both you and Mr. B. to be here when I go off to work; I don't want you disappearing first thing in the morning; I'll only fret about you all day if you're not around when I drive off to work."

Fredcat reluctantly did as he was told and ambled in a slovenly manner to the Fredcat feeding bowls. His fur was unkempt and he hadn't groomed himself; he was decidedly surly. "Why do I always have to be so pathetically cute," he demanded, to nobody in particular. "Mr. B is often ungroomed first thing in the morning - and no one shouts at him. It's totally unfair." He was in a mood.

"I suppose you have post-birthday blues," sighed Cathie, in a most understanding manner, "Never mind, I'm sure it'll wear off by the afternoon when I return and am able to spend time with you and give you a great big cuddle. Ask Mr. B. to open another tin of tuna for you - I'm sure that will help!" And she drove off to work in good spirits herself, very relieved that Fredcat was still hanging around and was doing as well as could be expected after his strenuous ♫ birthday ♫ celebrations.

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Friday, October 6^th 2006 (number 858)

Storyteller Fredcat!! Large image

Fredcat awoke and thought of the birthday events of yesterday. He'd received some great presents and cards, and Mr. B. had served up some delicious food. Fresh salmon! Cooked just he way he liked it - and with tuna later! His best human friend, Cathie, had sung ♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FREDCAT! ♫ innumerable times and Mr. B. had joined in, without appearing at all grumpy. (He was probably thinking of all the presents and chocolate bars he would be getting when it was his turn to enjoy becoming a year older.)

Of course, humans always aged one year when it was their turn to have a birthday but we felines never age, thought Fredcat, Cathie had told him so, so it must be correct. Fredcat felt all over his famous ginger and white furry body until he'd checked his health, and he satisfied himself that he was still FIVE - at least for the time being.

More birthday greetings had arrived for him - from Tilly and Toby (aka The Tower Hill Mob) and, of course, from his regular correspondent, Dana from Los Angeles! It was wonderful to have such supportive friends. He turned to Cathie to suggest that he would appreciate having his birthday party all over again, even though he knew in his little heart that the answer would be "No". It would be said in a very kind way, but it would still be "No". He cleared that thought from his mind and took a look at his gift of special biscuits from Cathie which he'd had her open in very short order - just seeing the gift had made him feel peckish.

After a quick taste of the new biscuits, he said, "I take it that all is ready for the unveiling of the latest Fredcat Tails story. I can't have any glitches with it after all the effort I've taken with it, you know." He looked at his poor paws ruefully, swollen from all his recent marathon typing efforts. What he meant was that he hoped Mr. B. hadn't muddled up all the words and sentences as he was wont to do. Cathie assured him all would be well as she had personally proofread all the important parts. "It's there right now, Fredcat, ready for all your friends to enjoy!" she confirmed.

"Great!" replied the Famous One, "I knew I could trust you, you're very good at meeting deadlines, Cathie," Which was true, Gentle Reader. This was a very good and necessary trait of Cathie's because, all in all, Fredcat usually didn't bother with details. He was a wide-scenario feline, and left all mundane matters to his domesticated humans as a matter of course. Being famous had it decided advantages!

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Wednesday, October 4^th 2006 (number 857)

Birthday Boy Fredcat!! Large image

Fredcat bounced his way along the upstairs corridor singing at the top of his voice. ♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! ♫ ♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! ♫ ♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FREDCAT! ♫ ♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ♫ Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, leapt out of bed wondering what the commotion was all about. She was soon joined by the Grumpy One, who was very grumpy indeed.

"It's my FIFTH birthday today and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it," shouted the Famous One as he skipped down the corridor once more. He was very frisky indeed and Mr. B. could hardly believe that here was Mr. Sleepy Cat, the Master of the Catnap Between Sleeps, the Resting King and the Best Stay-In-Bed Champion For The Last Five Years and the only being in the Fredcat residence to have more beds than bathrooms. It was fortunate he hadn't hurt himself.

"It's three o'clock in the morning!" said Cathie, sleepily, looking at the clock, "It's far too early to get up. We can't start your birthday celebrations now, I have to go to work later on this morning and ...," but her protests were totally ignored as, in his excitement, Fredcat raced along at a pace which seemed to defy gravity - completely forgetting that his arthritis was supposed to be a handicap.

"I've been looking at the Inbox of the Fredcat PC," said the birthday boy, "And already several humans and felines have been wishing me a very happy birthday even if it is only three o'clock in the morning, so there. There are messages from J de F, Susie B., Paula Petree., Sharon Y., Thomas T. et al, Marg and David so far, and I bet there'll be loads more later! I really am famous you know."

"That's enough, Fredcat, just calm down now," said Cathie, finally, "I really do have to go to work this morning so it's back to bed for everyone for a few hours. You'll have to tell your gentle readers later how you spent your birthday; I know they'll be very curious about it all. By the way, we have a special present for you of a very friendly (and somewhat large) feline to keep you company whenever we're out and about. If you really can't get back to sleep then maybe you'd like to consider doing a final proof-reading of your brand new Fredcat Tails before it's released on Friday for your faithful friends to enjoy." And with a huge yawn, Cathie made her way back to bed - to the fading sounds of the continuing Fredcat birthday song ... ♡ ♫ ♭ ♯ ♡ ♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ♡ ♫ ♭ ♯ ♡ ♫

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Monday, October 2^nd 2006 (number 856)

Scrabble champion Fredcat? Large image

Fredcat had been on the telephone all day. He was busily talking to someone and when his best human friend, Cathie, came into the study to talk to him, the Famous One's glare was quite sufficient to warn her off from interrupting him. It was standard practice in the Fredcat household that whenever anyone was using the telephone the remaining members, out of common courtesy and general politeness, left the immediate vicinity and kept the noise down to a dull roar. Of course it was mostly the humans who used the telephone but the Mighty One had been known to take some personal calls, especially when the call came from someone very important. This was clearly one of those occasions.

After a while Fredcat came into the living room and announced proudly that he had won the 2006 US Scrabble championship. Mr. B., frankly, didn't believe this claim. "You hardly know how to spell polyglot let alone be one," he remarked, sarcastically, but Fredcat didn't turn a hair.

"I admit I had a bit of help," he said, "A representative at the championship had to telephone me the letters and I used my own Scrabble board to work out the results - so that was fairly easy. I used the Fredcat PC to find the best words to use even though I seemed to get a load of peculiar error messages while I was doing so. I think I need a new computer, you know. A business expense, of course."

"I'm afraid that using the Fredcat PC isn't in the rules," said Cathie, gently, "You'll have to forfeit the winning trophy and let the runner-up win; you're supposed to do it all in your handsome head, Fredcat. I think you'd be better off going to bed early and thinking about your birthday on Wednesday. A lot of your friends may well be writing to you, and you need to be well-rested to deal with all your birthday greetings. I see that Mr. B. has put a nice link right here to help your human friends do precisely that. I expect you'll receive many messages from both humo1rous humans and humorous animals".

"On Wednesday morning we'll all get up nice and early to watch you open your presents, cards and birthday greetings," she continued, "But, in the meantime, I suggest you get plenty of sleep as you'll be having a very busy time later on." Sleeping was one of the Famous One's natural gifts and he didn't need to be told twice to keep his hand in at it. He considered his position and got cracking on it right away. Champion cat!

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