Welcome to Fredcat's diary - and checkout his tails later!

Friday, December 29^th 2006 (number 894)

Turkey turkey Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat stirred, sniffed the air and shook his famous ginger and white head. Turkey? Turkey! Was he dreaming? Was it Christmas all over again??? He pawsed, wiped his eyes and went in search of his best human friend, Cathie. She knew how to wipe his eyes and make them feel better by using a special-for-Fredcat cool baby wipe. As he went downstairs the smell of freshly cooked turkey grew stronger until finally he entered the kitchen, where Mr. B. was standing near the oven, wearing a Christmas pinafore. Fredcat lifted a paw to conceal a grin - Mr. B. in a pinny was a sight to behold.

The Grumpy One was smiling as he bent to his task; "As we had a guest this Christmas we decided that we'd have a second turkey as a festive treat," he said, as he went from one pan to the next, stirring, tasting and doing all those things that chefs do when they are showing off their culinary skills. Fredcat didn't care; guest or no guest, a double turkey holiday was, by definition, a good 'un. Of all the meals that he'd consumed in his lifetime, turkey ranked top of the list - and to be allowed to set to with multiple helpings was proof that he was in one of the best residences of his life. Nonetheless he pinched himself to make sure it wasn't a dream. Ow!! It wasn't!

"Why don't you play with your Christmas present?" asked Mr. B., and Fredcat looked at his new cat dancer which he'd received from Cathie. He'd been intrigued when he saw it for the first time and, despite himself, he'd allowed the humans to flick it from side to side until he trapped it with his mighty paws. He was a tad cross to realise on closer inspection that it was simply a long piece of string tied to a stick with a (replaceable) feather at the end. What a scam! He had been fooled by simply gadgetry! He - the Mighty One, the most famous feline in the world dazzled by a toy! He curled his lips showing off a fiercesome (albeit incomplete) set of teeth but before he could prepare a suitable reply the aroma of fresh turkey hit his nostrils and he was once again overcome with gluttonous pleasure.

Soon the other humans came down and the merry-making commenced anew. Yesterday the humans had visited Jane's house where they'd consumed home made mince pies galore. But today it was Fredcat's turn to demand the best. "I know you humans think that this turkey is just for you but I have to inform you that it's all rightly mine," he stated firmly, "In the interests of fairness, I will allow Cathie some of the best white meat. You two males may eat only dark meat. I think that's fair."

This didn't go down particularly well with the humans but Fredcat ignored their cries and was soon tucking into a monstrous plate of warm turkey. He soon relented when he realised that even if he ate turkey all day long the chances of his consuming an entire beast were small, at best. He decided to be generous. It'll be the New Year soon, he thought. 2007! I must remember to remind Mr. B. (his new best friend!) to change the email message at the top of my famous Diary so that my friends can email me Happy New Year greetings. Don't forget, Fredcat!

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Wednesday, December 27^th 2006 (number 893)

Turkey sleepyhead Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat woke, stretched and lay there for a while, thinking of Christmas Day and Boxing Day. After reporting in his famous Christmas Day Diary that he'd eaten a plateful of freshly cooked turkey for his Christmas Day meal, and how he'd come back for seconds, thirds and fourths, he was happy to inform his readers that he'd actually been granted fifths by the kindly Mr. B. By way of a Thank You, Fredcat had climbed onto the Grumpy One's lap after lunch and had settled for a very long sleep whilst the human males watched an American football game (in between yawns). Fredcat thought that there might well be something to the urban myth that turkey made people sleepy.

This morning he had waited patiently for Mr. B. to emerge into the study and he'd greeted him like a long lost friend. Mr. B. grunted, he knew very well what Fredcat wanted placing in his feeding bowl, and the two sped downstairs. Soon the Mighty One had started in on his breakfast of, you've guessed it, turkey. The meat soon disappeared and before the inevitable morning tea for the humans had been brewed, Fredcat sat patiently until Mr. B. took the hint and replenished the food bowl with seconds. Both males knew that there was no point in attempting to pass off packet cat food to the Mighty One whilst there was proper meat in the offing.

"Thank you for my two throws, Mr. B.," said Fredcat at last, licking his lips, "They are very comfortable and I would like one of them to be placed under the Christmas tree, if you don't mind. I really like that tidy little nest under the tree - I can see all my humans when I'm there. The other throw can go in my big box Christmas bed." He licked his lips again and wondered how long it would be before lunch was served.

"We should go to the gym and work off some of our Christmas fare," suggested Mr. B. and David nodded but Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, shuddered and said nothing. Outside it was raining and she had no desire to drive to such a place of horrors. "Perhaps you'd rather go sky diving," teased Mr. B., but Cathie shrank still further into the recesses of big settee - it was clear she'd rather go back to work than do anything as demanding as exercising!

"What I would like to do is have a quiet game of Trivial Pursuit," she volunteered, "It will be me and Fredcat playing against Mr. B. and David - that'll be a fair match. I have no wish to go outside at all; it might even snow if the temperature falls any more." Fredcat shivered, snow was not in his plans either and he agreed to stay in with Cathie. Staying in would enable him to nudge Mr. B. to open the fridge door a few more times; there was still plenty of white turkey meat left. He sighed contentedly; life was very good right now.

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Monday, December 25^th 2006 (number 892)

Christmas hideaway for Fredcat! Large image

CHRISTMAS DAY! Christmas Day had finally arrived! Fredcat looked around and spotted the humans coming downstairs towards the living room where he was hiding. Here, under the brightly lit Christmas tree, it was very cosy. The Christmas tree lights had come on promptly at 7am and ever since then Fredcat had waited impatiently for his best human friend, Cathie, and David to come and greet him. He'd earlier decided not to climb to the top of the stairs as usual to demand that Mr. B. fill his feeding bowls because the humans had dined out at a beef restaurant the night before and David had kindly brought home a large chunk of best filet beef for the Famous One - what a treat! How kind of him!

"Come on! Come on! It must be time to open my presents," exclaimed Fredcat, "I've been guarding these all night long and they're all still here." The humans were pleased but held off opening their presents until Mr. B. had surfaced - he was supposed to make everyone's first cup of tea. Fredcat scowled, the humans always wanted to make tea at inconvenient times when determined action was what was needed. Tea could surely wait? But alas, no, it couldn't. Fredcat chunnered away to himself from under the branches of the Christmas tree, grizzling that there were so many presents there he was afraid he might get lost amongst them, but soon all was ready.

"Me, me, my turn first," demanded Fredcat self-importantly, and (it must be said) a tad aggressively and, plunging his paws into the pile of gifts, dragged out a huge parcel. On it was written To Fredcat from Mr. B. This caused the Mighty One to stop dead in his tracks. "Umm, what's that?" he stammered. What was the Grumpy One up to? He eagerly tore off the wrapping paper to reveal not one but two beautiful throws! Fredcat found himself (for once) quite speechless and leapt, purring, into the arms of Mr. B. who staggered back, somewhat embarrassed. Gathering his thoughts , the Famous One struggled to express his thanks. "This is most unexpected," he cried, "I won't say anything bad about you - ever again," he went on, and danced his famous little dance, hopping from one set of paws to the other set on the other side.

After this emotional exchange everyone set to and exchanged gifts. Fredcat was very pleased to see that he was the recipient of many excellent modern gifts. Soon enough the Mighty One realised that with all the excitement the morning had flown by and lunchtime was fast approaching. Smells from the kitchen wafted his way as the turkey was finally taken out of the oven. It was amazing how hungry one could become just by smelling hot cooked meat!

Soon Cathie and Mr. B. came into the living room and announced that Christmas lunch was about to be served. "We need a proper drum roll to announce this feast," cried Fredcat, laughing, and soon all were tucking into their traditional Christmas dinner, with Fredcat leading the way in demanding seconds and thirds and even fourths ...

When everyone had eaten their fill and the dishes had been dealt with, Mr. B. slipped upstairs to play one of his new crossword games which seemed to become more and more difficult the longer he played. Meanwhile Fredcat and the others stayed in the living room where the humans chatted and reminded Fredcat not to forget to thank Ann with Miss Kitty and Sharon Y for their Christmas greetings. "Certainly!" said Fredcat, "and I also want to wish all my Constant Readers a very Happy  Christmas. I've been thinking of them all today." And with that he fell fast asleep in Cathie's arms and dreamed of more turkey for tea.

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Friday, December 22^nd 2006 (number 891)

Christmas singalongs for Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat was getting excited. "When it's this close to the big day one starts counting the hours, not weeks or days, you know," he said authoratively. Mr. B. (who reckoned he'd seen it all before) was not so animated and, in Fredcat's opinion, was being his usual miserable self. "Come on, Scrooge!" said the Mighty One, "I've already received a number of Christmas messages from my faithful readers - they do love me, you know." He danced around a bit, showering ginger and white fur on the floor in his excitement. "I'm glad I persuaded you to set my Happy  Christmas link above in glorious colour, it's both attractive and eye catching. Just like me!"

Mr. B. ignored the barb and said, "At least yesterday was the winter solstice; from now on the days start to get longer and the nights get shorter. Better for all of us, in my opinion. Roll on, summer!" And in a slightly less grumpy mood than usual he suggested to the Famous One that they check out Fredcat's Guestbook entries. They were both very pleased to see that The Fur Gang, Kate with Toby, Susan L, Dana B. from LA and Fredcat's #1 fan from the UK, Jimmy deF had already sent warm Yuletide greetings.

As the two mused on this happy state of affairs the sound of music came floating up the stairs. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, was trying out various songs on her music centre. First she tried Bohemian Rhapsody, yelling out that it was the number one favourite song for rock folk of her generation. After a while she moved on to a more classical piece which she considered equally impressive.

Fredcat started muttering, "Neither of these musical pieces has any chance of beating we cats singing," he meowed, "I could listed to this cat carol all day long." He began to hum along (tunelessly) and Mr. B. covered his ears immediately. Fredcat may be famous but he certainly couldn't sing!

Cathie, on the other hand, thought the feline carol was great. "No chance of anyone falling asleep at work when that's on," she laughed. Mr. B. gave up and sneaked outside to look at the peaceful night sky whilst Fredcat and Cathie continued to sing and dance to the cat carol song. Don't tire yourself, Fredcat - you have to be awake to dictate your Diary entry for your friends to read on Christmas Day!!!!

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Wednesday, December 20^th 2006 (number 890)

Christmas visitor for Fredcat! Large image

When Fredcat woke he knew something was slightly different. He'd gone to bed early the previous night as soon as his humans had ventured out to go to Cathie's office Christmas party. "Behave yourselves!" he'd yelled after them as they were leaving, "Don't do anything which would embarrass me!" Their plans for festive merry-making didn't suit the Mighty One as he was quite tired from all the sleeping he'd been doing lately. Fredcat prowled around his residence trying to pin down the source of his unease. What was it that was different? What had changed? He came up against the closed door to the guest bedroom. The door being closed didn't suit His Mightiness and he began to scratch at it, gently at first, then more aggressively, until the noise of his endeavours awakened Mr. B. elsewhere in the house.

"There's someone in that guest bedroom," muttered Fredcat, "I never allow any of my residential doors to be kept closed, ever, you know that. If anyone tries to keep me out then all I have to do is wait until the door is opened and then sit right dead centre in the doorway until you humans get the point. I have no need for yelling or shouting." He sniffed and a shower of his famous ginger and white fur fluttered ground-wards.

Then the bedroom door opened and Fredcat yelled in delight. "It's David! It's my favourite tormenter-in-chief, David!" he cried, "I didn't think I'd see you again so soon." He limped towards the visitor who was trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes and the two of them hugged. This meant that David grabbed Fredcat and carted him back into the bedroom where they both chattered away for a while until the heat from the electric blanket took its toll on the tired Fredcat body and he started to nod off.

As he was falling asleep he asked, "Are you going to take me around the world with you, David - like that other famous cat traveller, Norton Gethers?" but a dark look from his best human friend, Cathie, quickly stopped him from taking that line of dialogue any further, and he fell asleep.

When Fredcat awoke he saw that David had brought him a present of a snowglobe. This was cobs of fun for the Mighty One who kept flicking the globe and watching the tiny human creatures inside running to and fro. It was good to be in control of humans; Fredcat loved being in control of humans. It was one of his missions in life!

After breakfast the three humans and Fredcat sat and chatted some more. David seemed to have lost his interest in tormenting me and he's now fun to be with, thought Fredcat. And the feeling was evidently mutual, David was enjoying being with the Famous One. And who wouldn't be? Cats are fun! And so are visitors - and David was the best visitor of all.

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Monday, December 18^th 2006 (number 889)

Artificial decorations for Fredcat! Large image

"Christmas has become a very expensive commercialised affair for we simple humans," sighed Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, "It used to be a celebration when we would buy simple gifts for those closest to us, had a bit of a feast with our family, and sat around the fire later on listening to the Queen's Christmas message. Christmas becomes more expensive every year." "In the US we don't have the Queen's Christmas message," observed Fredcat, "But there are loads of other events to watch on the big TV." Actually, nowadays, Fredcat was not all that interested in the goings-on on the big TV. What he really liked was Mr. B. settling himself to watch his favourite ball game. He would sit reclined in the big armchair, with a comfortable throw on his lap - and said throw made an extremely cosy nest where the Mighty One could rest, warm and snug. He wondered idly if other felines adopted the same position.

"I know what you mean about costs," said Mr. B., "Look at Christmas trees, for example - there are so many types of trees to choose from nowadays. When I was small we had a tree in the living room, and that was it. We had no choice in type, just a tree big enough to fit in the room with a bit of coloured tinsel here and there. Nowadays one can't have a tree unless it is stuffed full of fancy ornaments." Oh dear! The commercial side of Christmas was clearly getting to the Grumpy One.

"I rather like the poinsettias we have," observed Fredcat, "They are just the right height for me to brush against and they have a superb red colour - although it does clash somewhat with the famous ginger parts of my fur." He gave his flanks another spot of grooming and more fur fell onto the living room floor. Cathie leapt forward with a soothing antiseptic wipe and picked him up and gave him a loving stroke. The Mighty One mustn't be allowed to scratch himself too much or he wouldn't have any fur left on some parts of his body.

"You know you are a very amusing feline," she said," I do like it when you come up with these wry comments." She gave him another quick cuddle and watched whilst he limped gracefully across to the feeding bowls. He was so much fun to be with ...

Fredcat spent lots of time nowadays sitting or lying very close to her. When she was working at the Fredcat PC he often helped her by pressing several keys at the same time to save Cathie some effort and he was genuinely pleased with himself when he sat directly in front of the screen. Cathie wished sometimes that she was able to see right through him so that she didn't have to slide him gently sideways. The best solution she'd found was to offer him his own keyboard to rest his head on. Such a funny and well-loved feline!

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Friday, December 15^th 2006 (number 888)

Universal readership for Fredcat! Large image

"Diary entry number 888. That's an awful lot of dictations," said Fredcat, hoarsely, "All those eights! I wonder what happens when we get to all the nines! Won't we have run out of numbers when that happens?" Even given his multitudinous talents, it must be confessed that large numbers were never Fredcat's strongpoint. "Don't worry about that," soothed Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, "A lot of humans believe that we human females are smarter that human males - even at maths." She smiled inwardly whilst Mr. B. glowered: he recognised when his skill at adding numbers up quickly and accurately was being directly challenged.

"I've received a nice email from my number one UK fan," said Fredcat, "Now that I've lived for many years here in the good ol' US of A I'm beginning to wonder in my accent has changed any. I'm quite happy to say Have a nice day, y'all but has my meowing taken on a regional twang, Cathie? It certainly seems that that can happen with some creatures." He looked at the disappearing fur on his flanks and gave them a bit of a groom but that only made even more fur fly off and settle on the living room floor.

When Mr. B. came in Fredcat ran, yes, ran over to him and meowed very loudly, startling the Grumpy One. "Look!" said the Mighty One, "The next time you decide to pop off for a couple of days and wander around the countryside just think of me first before you go, if you don't mind. With me in my current parlous physical state I needed someone to keep me company whilst Cathie was at work - and all I got was total silence with not even a telephone call from you to break the monotony." Fredcat was peeved - and rightly so.

"I'm sorry Fredcat," apologised Mr. B., "But I've had loads of things to do recently what with Christmas coming on so soon. To make up for it I've been to the Fredcat PC and found an interesting recording of really excellent drummers. I've always wanted to play the drums myself and once I was even given a set for Christmas - but they somehow vanished. I've no idea where they went." He frowned and Cathie smiled; she'd heard that tale before and knew exactly where they went!! Noisy things!

"I completely agree with her," sniffed Fredcat, "If you really want to become an arts aficionado why don't you go in for something tasteful. We cats can do some pretty impressive things - and we don't make a horrendous racket while doing so." He took another look at his side but before he could do himself further damage Cathie produced a cooling disinfectant wipe and, leaning forward, gave his flanks a soothing wipe down. Fredcat sighed. Getting old was not something he wanted to do right now but perhaps when he'd recovered from his current ailments he would become once again the famous feline for which he was recognised the world over. And anyway - five years of age wasn't that old ...

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Wednesday, December 13^th 2006 (number 887)

Overnight stopout Fredcat! Large image

There was nothing for it but to take the Mighty One back to the v*t's office. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, had to take him by herself because Mr. B. was nowhere to be seen, so she heaved Fredcat in his carrier into her car and set off to see the v*t. "The Famous One's been scratching himself very badly and almost overnight he has done so much damage to his famous ginger and white fur that there are now several bald patches on his body," she explained to the nice Dr. B., "He's taken his grooming to a ridiculous level and has gone way too far." She sounded quite distressed.

Fredcat made it quite clear that he wanted nothing better than to go home. "I'll be all right," he yelled very loudly to nobody in particular, "Just let me get home and scratch and groom a bit more and I'll be as right as rain." He tried to jump down from the exam table but that proved to be rather taxing so he whizzed around seeking a way down to no avail. This was not a good day for famous felines.

Cathie tried to coax him to be patient, "You've got to stay up there for a while and let the kindly v*t treat you," she reproved, "I think you'll have to say at the v*t's office overnight to see if a way can be found to sort out this nasty allergic reaction you have." This did not make Fredcat any happier and he yelled some more at full pitch until he was carried away to the dreaded inner recesses. "I'll pick you up tomorrow," cried Cathie, as she left to go home. This was not turning out to be a good day for her either.

When Cathie collected the Famous One the next day he was clearly put out. "They gave me a scented bubbly bath and now I smell like a female feline," he growled, "They even threatened to take a photograph of me in this parlous state! With my fur a soggy mess! I wouldn't allow it - and it turned out that their camera battery was dead, anyway, so serve them right. I only want attractive pictures of me in my diary." He was clearly in a very bad mood.

But surprisingly and encouragingly, Fredcat no longer tried to groom himself. Perhaps the smell of the lotion, or whatever they put on him, was not to his taste, thought Cathie, but she secretly liked the new scented Fredcat and told Mr. B. all about it when she eventually found him. He laughed. "So Fredcat only likes to have himself photographed looking manly or cute," he scoffed. "He has an eye for good PR, does that cat. He'd make a good politician," he added.

"We girls like our male friends to both look good and smell nice," Cathie retorted, "The animal and plant kingdoms both rely heavily on scent as well as looks, and Fredcat's perfect in both areas now, I'll have you know." She swept Fredcat up and gave him a huge cuddle. "I like the way he smells, and, anyway, it's time you dealt with his dictation and typed up today's famous Diary." And Fredcat agreed. Of course.

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Monday, December 11^th 2006 (number 886)

Christmas countdown Fredcat!! Large image

Fredcat fiddled carelessly with his famous ginger and white tail, as it flicked from side to side. He didn't do that very often and it usually meant that he was distracted by some event or other. At last he spoke, "Do you realise that Christmas is coming?" he finally blurted out and as soon as he'd said it, he felt very foolish. Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, peered over the top of her latest book and nodded in a non-committal manner. One could never fathom just where the Mighty One was going when he blurted out unexpected comments like this.

"I mean, I know very well that Christmas is coming," he corrected himself, "but apparently, this week is Santa Paws week - and it's a tad early for that sort of thing, don't you think? I know that proper Christmas is many days off yet - more's the pity." He licked his lips in anticipation of choice chunks of roast turkey for every meal for days on end; that was one thing that Mr. B. was very good at - he'd give him that.

"Santa Paws week is for charitable purposes, I think," said Cathie, "There are some very sad creatures about, it makes one want to cry to see poor abandoned creatures having to fend for themselves." She recalled the time some five years ago when she'd visited the animal shelter where she met a very appealing little orange and white kitten, just waiting to become famous.

Cathie finally put a lid on the emotions stirred within her by the plight of the poor orphan cat and suggested to the Mighty One that he drag the Grumpy One upstairs to the study and dictate his latest Diary entry to him. Fredcat agreed but soon became distracted, watching a cat watching a cat on the intawebs. Come, come, Fredcat - your public is anxiously awaiting your musings!

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Friday, December 8^th 2006 (number 885)

Deerstalker Fredcat!!

Fredcat stayed very still, watching very carefully until, with a shout of excitement, he sped indoors to find his best human friend, Cathie. "I've just seen two deer!" he cried. "They were both very young, like me." He beamed, turned round in a circle, showing off his famous ginger and white markings to a delighted Cathie and stopped, slightly breathless. "I'm glad they're back," replied Cathie, "I look forward to seeing them each year around this time. I think they come by to visit their friend who lives in our garden all year round. After all, deer have been living near humans for a long time." She gazed at Fredcat for a second or two: "I'm not sure who came first - deer or felines," she added, but quickly changed the subject in case Fredcat became awkward on matters of genealogy.

"You know, we cats are marvellous creatures," said Fredcat, "Even Mr. B. has to admit that. He, poor human, thinks we have poor eyesight but, in fact, we have pretty good eyesight and can spot tiny movements which even you, dear Cathie, with your excellent eyes would be unable to detect." He purred loudly as Cathie bent down to stroke him.

"Has Mr. B. bought the Christmas turkey yet?" asked the Mighty One, changing the subject to one of his favourite topics, "I mean turkeys are nice enough creatures (if a bit doddery at times) but they look a lot more attractive in my food bowl than wobbling along down some dusty railway platform, methinks." Fredcat chuckled and licked his lips at the thought of more turkey meals, even through it wasn't that long since Thanksgiving.

"I'm not sure if Mr. B. is with us at the moment, young Fredcat," sighed Cathie, "I mean he is here in body but, as a keen follower of the game of cricket he is a bit despondent about the chances of England retaining the Ashes, you know." Now this was all Double Dutch to Fredcat, who liked to watch games on the big TV but who, like Cathie, became a bit confused on the rules of cricket (even though he was, technically, a male). "I shan't attempt to explain the Ashes," she said. So it was no surprise when the Mighty One lost interest and was last seen heading in the general direction of his feeding bowls.

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Wednesday, December 6^th 2006 (number 884)

Reflective Fredcat! Large image

The weather had turned cold, really cold. When the "butler" kindly opened the front door of Fredcat's famous residence, that worthy shuddered, fluffed up his famous ginger and white fur coat, shivered and headed back towards the warmth of the interior. "It's definitely winter; I'm sure it's going to snow soon." said Fredcat, "And I'd appreciate the central heating turned up several notches, if you don't mind." Mr. B. explained that although it may appear cold to the males of the household the only female (that is, Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie), had the over-riding vote on the matter of homestead temperature. Her vote appeared to be decisive on the matter - which meant that the thermostat remained on the cool side.

"There's no point in trying to enjoy Christmas if one is freezing," complained the Mighty One, creeping ever closer to the one hot spot in his residence - the kitchen. Mr. B. was cooking a roast and Fredcat was drawn not only to the hot stove but also to the gorgeous smell coming from the oven. "Why can't we section off the rooms so we can be hot and Cathie can grow icicles on her breath somewhere else?" Fredcat was not intent on taking this lying down.

Cathie was not amused. "Listen, you!" she retorted, "When you were younger you used to love frolicking about with your friends, whether the weather was hot or cold. Me, I am very sensitive to being over-heated; a lot of my female friends are of the same opinion and we vote as follows: keep the windows open; put the fan on full blast; light all the aromatic candles, and play music loudly - so there!" She was being a bit dramatic, thought Fredcat but he'd learned a little tact over the years and decided to let the matter rest, just this once.

Mr. B. had other thoughts, "I'm not entirely convinced that letting all our lovely warm air outside just to satisfy your personal needs is a good idea," he complained, "It may keep you cool but it adds to the general cost of things; we need to keep a lid on our Christmas budget - and heating bills are always expensive at this time of the year."

At this point Fredcat decided that it was time to retreat to the living room at leave the humans to battle it out. He gazed for a long time at the Christmas tree with its multitude of decorations, and thought they looked lovely. He looked under the tree and discovered that Mr. B. had placed a nice soft velvet Christmassy skirt around the base just right for a quiet kip. Slithering under the lowest branches to avoid disturbing them he curled up into a tight ball and was soon fast asleep. Another day and night would soon pass and he would be that much closer to his wishes for a turkey extravaganza. Mmmmm...

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Monday, December 4^th 2006 (number 883)

Recognition Fredcat! Large image

Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, came bursting into the living room, threw down her car keys and said, "Guess what?" The males, who'd been disturbed in their comfortable watching of the big TV (well, actually only Mr. B. was watching, Fredcat was quietly sleeping on the former's lap) reacted differently. Mr. B. knew from past experience that there was no realistic answer to Cathie's question. He also knew that a flippant answer wouldn't be well received either. Fredcat was smarter. He simply sat upright and waited patiently, knowing that Cathie would tell all in a very short while. And of course, Constant Reader, he was right. Cathie almost yelled, "I've just seen a number of your readers when I was out driving in my car. They yelled "We love Fredcat!!!" and said that they always read Fredcat's diary!" She beamed at the Mighty One.

Fredcat was so pleased. A toothy (albeit crooked) grin split his furry face from ear to ear. "Wow!! Thank you very much," he enthused, "I dislike driving, myself, so it's great to hear of your speeding homewards and being the one to meet my friends. I'm glad you weren't travelling at the speed of light - you might have missed their greetings!"

"Hey, you - I was not speeding," protested Cathie, "North Carolina has just passed a whole slew of new laws and I have to be even more careful now when I'm out driving. I know I'm a teeny weeny bit past the age of eighteen so I don't have to be concerned about some of them but one has to be careful all the same, nonetheless." Fredcat looked at her with a bit of a curl to his lips. In truth, he couldn't care less about the new traffic laws. He would far prefer a law to be passed banning cars altogether! Apart from the fact that he needed his food bowls to be regularly replenished, of course - that required vehicular traffic of some sort. Hmmm, he'd have to put his thinking head on and think about that further ...

He looked out of the window and sighed. Daylight hours were getting very short now and although the outside temperatures were over 70F the newest forecast had night-time temperatures plummeting to a few degrees below freezing; much in line with the rest of the country. And it was going to rain heavily - which the Mighty One hated. (Cathie wouldn't like that either, he thought - not with her new haircut which she'd had only yesterday). There were so many different forms of rain and Fredcat knew and hated them all equally. He turned and went inside to start dictating his latest famous Diary entry. He'd certainly have to mention his latest friends in their car to Cathie. Christmas was coming and that was the time to be feeling cheerful to all his friends, old and new, human and feline alike ...

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Friday, December 1^st 2006 (number 882)

Grumbling Fredcat Large image

"Assembly of this second Christmas tree is a complete disaster," pronounced Fredcat, "It looks lopsided, and half of the coloured lights are missing. What's happened to it since last Christmas?" He circled the sad arboreal specimen and viewed its meagre decorations with disdain. "You should have left this to the expert - me. Cats are very good at Christmas tree decorating, you know. The outside lights are working properly - so why can't you get this second tree to work?" Mr. B. scrutinised the tree, head to one side, "I suppose if we were to rotate the tree a bit and shove some of these branches more centrally it might be OK," he suggested, doubtfully, and began to suit action to words. But it was hopeless. Whichever way the tree was moved only seemed to make it look worse until, finally, one unfortunate shove sent the top section tumbling to the floor in a messy heap.

"I don't think you know very much about dressing Christmas trees," stated Fredcat, firmly, "It's all your fault for not saying "white rabbits" first thing this morning. You have to say it on the 1st of every month, you know that." He ignored Mr. B.'s withering glare and, brushing off some glitter which had deposited itself onto his famous ginger and white fur, set off to find his best human friend, Cathie.

"We've had these artificial trees since forever," he complained to her, "Why can't we be traditional and buy a proper tree with real branches? I so dislike these modern plastic affairs; they are very unreliable and impossible to jump onto safely." He was in full grumbling mode.

Cathie eventually gave in and confronted Mr. B., suggesting that a new tree was well within the Fredcat residence's Christmas budget. She silenced the Grumpy One who had the temerity to aver that the cost of the tree would have to come out of the Christmas presents budget by pointing out that immense savings could be made by cutting down on extra chocolate bars for you-know-who.

Fredcat beamed and soon Mr. B. was back from the shopping mall with a replacement Christmas tree, together with an improved set of coloured lights. "It all cost less than I feared," he proclaimed. But Cathie and Fredcat were not fooled. They knew that Mr. B. had used some shopping vouchers to buy a decent tree - vouchers which could have been used to purchase presents for both of them. It did look pretty, though ...

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