Welcome to my 2nd story page

The Mouse Madness

Fredcat the Famous was not a happy cat today. He had received news that there was trouble a-paw. Mr. B. was not helpful either. "What are you grizzling on about now?", he enquired (rather unpleasantly, it must be said). Fredcat didn't reply immediately, but turned his attention to the monitor, against which he was trying to doze.

Virus elimination

"If I were to tell you that a small problem which I had resolved in my earlier famous days has resurfaced, would you understand?," he asked. "Probably not", said our bored Mr. B., "but I am sure that you are going to tell me all about it, anyway." "You can be sure of that," said Fredcat. So..... here is the story:

In his early famous days when Fredcat was just starting out on his road to famousdom, he was approached by a senior member (ASM) of the computing industry. "A worrying problem has arisen for our company", described the ASM. "We are being plagued by rampant viruses from a most unlikely source, and all our efforts to prevent this world-wide infection have, so far, failed".

Now Fredcat is not a cat to sleep on the job when danger threatens (well not for long, anyway), so he took a short nap and then tackled the problem head-on, as is his wont. He wandered over to the desktop PC and tapped away on the keys until he spotted the cause of the problem. "I see that BigMop is at it again", he noted, and subsequently informed ASM that he would need a little time to deal with this new virus problem.

Now BigMop was a famed hacker with a fearsome reputation amongst the virus-spreading underworld. She (for it was a female hacker who was doing the damage and they can be the worst kinds of hacker, if you believe Fredcat!) was trying to set up a situation whereby she and her fellow mouse-like creatures could dominate the world through the power of the internet. There appeared to be no stopping her and Fredcat was momentarily stumped.

Fredcat searched his fearsome brain for some solution to this problem and finally came up with an innovative solution. How about a face-to-face meeting with the mighty mouse BigMop and hope to win her over with his charm? That might work.....

So, Fredcat set off and eventually made contact through one of his associates, Ianeyes. Now Ianeyes was a computer buff who - in normal circumstances - might have been able to stem the tide of the BigMop virus but he had been duped when BigMop had bugged his new PC with a copy of the latest Madonna album which kept on stopping and starting and incessantly using up his available RAM, "Just When He Needed It Most" (for all you 70's soft rock fans out there). Ianeyes was, however, able to send out a call to BigMop asking to arrange a meeting as soon as possible.

BigMop was intrigued. She had always wanted to check out the famous Fredcat and this was her chance, so a meeting was duly arranged and set up. Fredcat arrived early and made his plans craftily; soft music, chocolates and a fine bottle of the best wine were waiting for BigMop when she arrived.

The flattery apparently worked (as Fredcat knew it would) and the virus infection ceased to be a bother. But unfortunately the flattery was only skin deep, and BigMop and her mousy friends became very annoyed. They plotted revenge. Although she was a mouse she was a fearsome creature and she had to be obeyed amongst her tribe.

The plot was simple, a twin edged strike to attack all the computers in the world and blame it all on Fredcat, who would lose all nine faces (lives?) immediately, finding that his reputation had been tarnished beyond repair. He would have to retire to his residence in a flurry of ridicule, forever banished as a "has been" famous cat.

Twin viruses appeared simultaneously, the original but enhanced BigMop version and a new deadly virus called BigIke. Both these started to rapidly put computing into cold storage. Instead of the internet being used to do interesting stuff like ordering cat food or watching the latest sports results trickle in, it was instead replaced by demands to hand over control to the BIGMOP organization.

The ASM was not pleased either. He had no intention of allowing his company to meekly submit to the BIGMOP demands but he was frustrated and demanded that Fredcat sort out the problem. Which is where we came in earlier!

Fredcat stared at his screen for a long while, his tail lazily flicking to and fro as he concentrated on the problem at paw. Cathie's modem began to darken as the two viruses attacked - one from the top, and one from the bottom. The screen was filled with a jumble of letters and figures as Fredcat maneuvered the cordless mouse around the mat.

Suddenly he was still, the crisis upon him, the two dark forces poised to destroy all of Fredcat's defenses. Swiftly, Fredcat stretched out his paws in an effortless strike. His paws were a blur, honed by many months of catching recalcitrant mice, as he quickly stabbed his paws down on the key board. Alt, Control and Delete keys were struck just as the evil forces themselves homed in on the last defenses.

With a roar, the evil forces had struck their final devastating blows. Not upon the crumbled defenses of Fredcat (oh, no!!!) but in the void created by his exit said evil forces had flung the full power of the evil viruses against each other! The screen was a muddle of whirling carnage as the enemy forces destroyed each other.

A few seconds passed and, as Fredcat looked on in satisfaction, a clear blue sky appeared, soothing Cathie's worried brow. The ASM also breathed a sigh of relief. Reports were already being called in as the viruses' effects were seen to be reversed. PC after PC, laptop after laptop, all systems were returning to normal service; servers and ISPs were functioning normally and previously corrupted data was reappearing. No programmer assistance had been required to correct matters. This was an amazing spectacle never before seen in the history of computing.

Mr. B. was not amused. "I do not believe this", he muttered. "All a pack of nonsense", he added. Fredcat looked at him and said, "But everyone knows about Alt, Control and Delete, so it clearly is true". Fredcat then smiled and started to settle down for a restful sleep, the brain power he had used for this exploit needing to be refreshed.

Mr. B. just sulked. He knew he had been conned. A mouse? Hmmm!

What do you think?