Fredcat's Tails
Cat Show Capers
 Fredcat the Judge |
Fredcat had received a letter from the organisers of one of the major annual cat shows. A panel of eminent judges had been announced and, wonders of wonders, Fredcat had been nominated as a special judge! Wow! Fredcat and his best human friend, Cathie, examined the contents of the letter with a mixture of surprise (Cathie) and general aloofness (Fredcat). |
This show was being held in the State Fairgrounds in Raleigh, North Carolina, not far from the Fredcat residence. This was quite an honour, thought Fredcat. Competing cats came from far and wide to these shows and the event was always a huge success. The show would be held over two days and there would be dozens of categories.
"What will your duties be, Fredcat?" enquired Cathie.
"I think that the organisers want to add a little spice to their show," replied Fredcat, "and for the first time, amongst other events, there is to be a special event which is to judged by a cat - that is me," he added (unnecessarily).
"Hold on a minute," said Cathie, "it says here that you are to be the senior judge in this event - does that mean that there will be other judges as well? Don't they trust you to do the job properly on your own?" she added, with a worried frown.
"Here, let me have another look at that letter," said Fredcat, a little put out. "Oh goodness," he exclaimed, "you're right, I missed that at first reading. The other judges are to be my old pal Nikita and ... ," here he pawsed, "this part's a bit smudged, but it looks like a Mr. Ffire, whoever he is, sounds as if he comes from Scotland."
"Let's go and check out the State Fairground venue," suggested Cathie, "If you promise not to wail loudly en route or to complain about my driving, I'll take you there by car. And we won't make any detours to the v*t's office," she added, to calm Fredcat's fears."
On arrival, there quickly found their way to the place where the cat show judging tent was to be set up. At the moment the place looked rather bleak, with nothing much to see - odd sets of tables and chairs were scattered around the grassy area, and tarpaulins were lying higgledy-piggledy on the ground.
 Expenses, please! |
"Hi there, you two," said familiar voice," and turning round they saw Nikita beaming at them from amongst the jumble. "I see you got your invitation as well," she beamed. "This is going to be fun." "Excellent," thought Fredcat, "Nikita will be a good judge, and no mistake." |
"Have you met any of the organisers yet?" Nikita said, hopefully, "I want to be sure that we get proper payment for this."
"I don't think we should ask for money for being a judge," said Fredcat, frowning, "it is supposed to be a honour to be a judge, you know."
"Rats, to that idea!" said Nikita immediately, "we girls have got to eat and I am looking forward to a nice fat fee for doing this, if you don't mind."This was not what Fredcat wanted to hear; his noble, amateur instincts were being swept under the carpet by Nikita in no uncertain terms. What was it with these mercenary lady cats, anyway? He was already beginning to cool on the idea of Nikita being a judge.
Nevertheless they all went searching for one of the organisers and soon came across a distraught Kaffin Cork, who quickly introduced herself. "It's all a bit of a mess." she cried, there have been delays from all over and I'm sure that the whole show will turn into the biggest disaster ever!"
"Look, you can see, none of the proper showing tables have arrived, and the usual staff have not received their letters telling them the details of who is to come and what their responsibilities will be!" Kaffin was obviously not in the right state of mind to show Fredcat and the others around.
 Judge Squire |
"What ho, Fredcat! Howdy, folks!" came a well-known melodious voice. "Squire!" exploded Fredcat, "what on earth are you doing here?" |
"I'm one of the judges," said Squire, proudly rising to his full height. "The organisers wanted an expert on cats, and they wanted someone from the animal kingdom at large, and who better than me? I know cats better than most! Let's have a look at that letter - yup, they've spelt my name wrong, it's Squire not Ffire."
Fredcat groaned. Kaffin started crying, but Squire was irrepressible. "Don't worry about the show, folks, I'll take over the tasks and I'll get my friends to help." His smile was so infectious that Kaffin stammered a quick thank you and, before anyone realised what was happening, Squire had disappeared, singing loudly.
After a further look around, Fredcat left the fairground and returned home. Nikita had gone off to, in her words, discuss the fees payable with Kaffin for being a judge at such an esteemed show.
Fredcat thought the whole situation very odd. The main, and final showday, was to be on July 4th, American Independence Day and there would be many visitors. Being a celebrity judge was not going to be onerous as, according to the invitation, Fredcat and his fellow celebrity judges were only required to show up for the final day's judging.
At last the great day dawned. Fredcat and Nikita both wore sashes and a small official badge to go with their position. Indeed Nikita looked even more decorous - she had acquired a miniature pink hat, white gloves and even carried a very small sparkly purse around her neck. A real glamour puss!
 Beautiful contestant |
One change to the routine might have surprised visitors. As many of the regular staff were apparently still unavailable, it appeared that Squire had stepped into the breach at the last moment and as a consequence there were a large number of his squirrel friends helping out. Many of the cat contestants were nervous of this change, but as the squirrels were behaving impeccably, there seemed to be no problem at the moment.
Squire was difficult to spot amongst the other squirrels. In his usual superior manner, he had decided that he was to be the final arbiter of judging and this, surprisingly, had been readily agreed to by Kaffin, for this poor lady was still very nervous and busied herself rushing from one judging platform to another, announcing winners as each category was completed.
Finally there was just the one major category left to judge. Fredcat, Nikita and Squire were to be judging this together, with the being announced by Kaffin (who, by now, was completely wound up with nervousness).
"Ladies, gentlemen and feline friends," she announced in a halting voice. "The last class is for Best Newcomer and the contestants are ..." And here she looked at her sheaf of papers and continued, "it appears that the only contestant is ... Squire!"
Pandemonium broke out! Fredcat was immediately up on his paws, saying loudly, "Only one contestant, that's impossible! Anyway, Squire is one of the three judges, he cannot be a judge and also be the only contestant. He will be totally biased! And the one small anomaly nobody seems to have noticed - he's a SQUIRREL, not a CAT!!!"
Kaffin was hurriedly searching through the rules and finally proclaimed in a weak voice, "There's nothing to prevent Squire from being a contestant as well as a judge!" Another major fuss prevailed as people quickly came to realise what was going on. Fredcat turned to Nikita and said, "Nikita, surely you will support me in declaring that Squire is a totally biased judge in this matter?" but, astonishingly, Nikita looked Fredcat straight in the eye and said, "Nope, it all seems perfectly legitimate to me."
Fredcat leaped to his paws and jumped nimbly onto the stage. "Wait a minute, folks," he shouted over the din, "I think we ought to hear from a special friend of mine before we go any further." And, with that, he turned to one of the side curtains and called out, "Agent Emi, COME ON DOWN!!!" Everyone gasped, as Agent Emi walked steadily onto the stage, followed immediately by several policemen and all the squirrel helpers. One of the policemen was carrying a large sack full of money, seemingly the takings from the show.
 Agent Emi to the rescue |
Everybody looked at a grim-faced Fredcat. "I'm sorry, Kaffin, the show's over for you and your accomplices - literally! This charade about losing helpers and recruiting squirrels in their place hasn't worked." |
He continued, "We were all supposed to be so busy arguing about the final 'Best Newcomer' contest (with the only entry being Squire) that nobody would spot the squirrel gang escaping with the takings from the show, doubtless to be exchanged for a year's supply of nuts!"
"But I had nothing to do with this," said Kaffin. "Oh yes, you did," replied Fredcat, "All this crying and weeping was all part of a cunning plan to distance yourself from the theft of the takings. You wanted money for yourself and in your greed you even persuaded Nikita to join your nasty little plan to cause a diversion!"
Everyone looked at Nikita, who was hurriedly trying to take off her judge's sash and badge. "A few days ago, Nikita was extremely concerned about obtaining financial rewards for being a judge - yet suddenly today she has forgotten all about money and has bought all the trappings of a veritable cat showgirl! A new purse, hat and gloves! I hope that there are no more of these trappings at home!" Fredcat glared.
"Oh, no," protested Nikita, "this was all supposed to be a joke, Fredcat! Squire couldn't possible be a judge and a contestant! I was told by Squire, that you, Fredcat, were in the joke along with me! But now - now I see that there is no joke, and I was fooled!"
Fredcat decided that enough was enough - it was clearly time to bring some order to this chaos. He continued, "Of course it was Squire who was behind it all; he was the first to spot the opportunities behind being a judge. He then persuaded Kaffin to alter the name of the real judge on the invitation to his, Squire's. That's why his name was spelt deliberately badly on the invitation letter - mainly to fool me!"
"But I guessed something was up and I called in Agent Emi and asked him to go undercover to find out just when the heist was to take place. And Agent Emi did his job well - calmly coordinating undercover investigations with the police. Congratulations, my friend, and I am now pleased to announce that you are promoted to SPECIAL Agent Emi, FIRST CLASS!" At this announcement, cheers rang out across the arena.
"As for Nikita, she didn't, in the end, do anything really wrong and we can easily forgive her small indiscretion. But Kaffin, Squire and the rest of the squirrels have to face the music," Fredcat finished, grimly. However, even as he spoke, it appeared that Squire (doubtless realising the way the situation was developing) had quietly slipped away.
Fredcat, Nikita and the newly promoted Special Agent (First Class) Emi made their way back to the Fredcat residence. "Well, that was certainly an interesting day out," observed Fredcat, "and thank you, again, Emi. We will co-operate again some day. But first, I think we all deserve a congratulatory dinner, all of us!" He turned, expectantly to Mr. B.
 Gorgeous cat |
"People who help out at cat shows are professional folk and they would quickly be onto the organisers if their employment letters went astray, Fredcat. I have no doubt that the sole purpose of this wretched tale is to get on my best side so that I would provide you with a slap-up meal (which, frankly, none of you deserve, having stayed out gallivanting all day). I'll wager that you lot were never within a hundred miles of that cat show," he declared.
At this outburst, Nikita began to cry, and Cathie was quickly on the scene. "Don't you make our guests cry," she scolded. "Please get them some of our best beef - and also some prawns."
Mr. B. had no option as four pairs of eyes glowered at him. He left for the kitchen at once and, do you know, once the grumpy Mr. B. was out of sight it was quite remarkable how quickly the Nikita tears dried up! Fredcat thought that there were cunning depths to that female moggie, but he said nothing. It was obvious that Nikita's tears were as effective as any clever resort that Fredcat could come up with! Anyway, thanks to Cathie's intervention, a real feast was on the way and that was all that mattered, no?