Fredcat's Tails
Wedding bells
 Fredcat the Wedding Guest |
Fredcat watched as his best human friend, Cathie, sorted the mail. She suddenly stopped and said, "Hey my Sweet One, this is for you! It looks very important." Fredcat pretended to be very nonchalant about it, but the truth is he didn't get a lot of direct postal mail (most of his written correspondence came via e-mails). This letter, however, did look important; a shiny white envelope with attractive flecks of gold around the edges. What could it be? |
Inside was a shiny pink card. "It's a wedding invitation," said Fredcat, looking very pleased. "The wedding of Laura and David will take place on July 3rd - and I am invited as a special guest!" Fredcat danced around the room and then said, "This is wonderful news! But what am I to wear? Will I have to dress up in posh clothes like all the other important guests?" He held up a paw and said, "At least you could arrange for me to wear pink gloves on my front paws, rather like Alice's White Rabbit did - but in pink, not white." He did look chuffed.
"Who else is going?" asked Cathie, "apart from The Grumpy One and me, of course," she added.
"Well, my old friend Nikita will be there, as well as my very latest friend Treacle. There'll be plenty of fun to be had!" said Fredcat, "But, hang on, how shall I get to the wedding?"
The difficulty of traveling to the wedding itself was soon resolved. Luckily for Fredcat, one of Cathie's relatives, Dr. Ken, was able to help there (he was friends with all the right people in the airline business) and Fredcat was soon provided with a first class seat on the translantic flight. Lucky cat!
 Treacle on the lookout |
They arrived at the bride's home just a few days before the date of the wedding where Laura's mother, Ruth (and her permanent resident feline Treacle) and Laura herself were busy with a hundred and one details. Introductions were made all round. |
Ruth was in the middle of discussing the honeymoon plans with Laura who was saying, "I'm glad we've got the usher vacancy sorted out. As for the honeymoon, David and I have planned our honeymoon as a tour of some Italian cities, like Rome and Florence, and perhaps to go on and see the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Then on to a romantic night in Paris - where all lovers are expected to go at least once," she added, dreamily.
David himself, accompanied by one the ushers, Braehaven, came downstairs and joined them. Braehaven was saying that, like David and Laura, he also was off to the continent - he was going to Amsterdam for a few days, straight after the wedding.
Actually, David and the others were searching for the special pens that had been bought to sign the official register at the wedding ceremony. "They are nowhere to be seen," said David, "in fact, we seem to have been losing quite a few things over the last few days, it's very annoying."
"I'm convinced they will turn up," said Braehaven, "they can't be too far away." They wandered off to see how Ruth's husband, Duncon, was getting on with the floral displays.
"Treacle is a remarkably friendly cat," said Fredcat later to Nikita, "it will be good to have her as a friend. Who else is coming?"
"Sox is here," stated Nikita, "her good friend Jasmine was also expected to be here but nobody has seen her yet - she recently had an extensive operation to have a HUGE hairball removed and we don't know if she'll be well enough to attend. I'm sure she will come if she can."
 Searching for lost items |
"Why don't we cats have a look for the missing items?" said Sox, excitedly, pawing her coloured fuzzy toy in delight. "Hold on, this sounds like lots of things are vanishing! What else is missing?" asked Fredcat, "we need to have a list so that we know what's gone." |
"Well, there's the pens, of course," replied Treacle, "and then there are four very attractive pink silk scarves which were to be worn by the bridesmaids, and also the new cufflinks that David ordered. I think that's everything," she said, with conviction.
"Not so - there's Duncon's watch as well," said Sox, correcting her. "It's a very nice gold one, with a black leather strap, modern black hands. There are no numbers on the dial, only tiny little blips to mark the time gaps around the watch face, and it has a nice inscription on the back."
"Wow! Has that disappeared as well? Did you see it when you were upstairs, Braehaven?" said Fredcat, turning, but Braehaven and David had already left the room.
"Dear me, I thought I saw it only a short time ago on the dresser, "said Treacle, in surprise, "Duncon usually wears it only on special occasions - like a wedding!"
 Nikita joins the gang |
Nikita, who normally enjoyed the hospitality of Laura's home, and who had travelled down with her to join in the wedding festivities, came in, and they all began to discuss the situation. After a while, a general consensus had been reached - they decided to carry out a detailed search of the house. |
After some wrangling as to who would search what part of the house (and with whom!) Nikita and Treacle set off upstairs and Fredcat and Sox started in on the living room downstairs. "Well, goodness me," said Sox, after several minutes had passed, "we don't seem to be getting anywhere."
"I've searched everywhere here," said Fredcat, "let's try the kitchen."
They hadn't been there long before a glum Nikita, followed by an equally glum Treacle, came downstairs. "We haven't found anything worthwhile, except some old trainers," sniffed Treacle, making a horrible face (to everyone's amusement).
"Let's swap floors," said Nikita, "Fredcat can reach the higher parts of the rooms upstairs, and we are very good at looking under the smallest items of furniture."
So this they did and almost immediately there was a cry from Treacle. "Look! I have found David's cufflinks! They were tucked well down the rear of the settee! They would have been very hard to find if I weren't so tenacious!"
Fredcat leapt downstairs, followed, in due course, by Sox, and they all piled into the living room where, forgetting their earlier decisions, they all began diligently searching the room again.
"Look, here are three of the pink scarves - they're so well hidden in this work basket, so carefully disguised, that they could easily have been missed," said Nikita, "I'm glad that they've been found, Laura's bridesmaids will be so pleased."
The two girl cats were besides themselves at their discovery. "This is ridiculous," exclaimed Fredcat, in an irritated voice, "I was sure that Sox and I had searched this place thoroughly and yet here you two girls are finding things straight away. I'm going upstairs again to look in the bedrooms to see if I can find some of the missing articles that you may have overlooked!" And he hopped up the stairs in a bit of a huff.
Sox quickly joined him, "Let's have a really good look around," she said, "you start in the large cupboard over there, whilst I tackle this set of drawers."
Another cry floated up from the floor below. "We've found one of the pens," yelled Nikita, "it was almost in plain sight in a jar that contained pencils, pens and other odd little things - how you could have missed it, goodness ever knows!" And both she and Treacle chuckled very loudly indeed - so loudly, in fact, that everyone in the whole house could hear them. They carried on making caustic comments like, "Fredcat couldn't find his own tail in broad daylight if it wasn't brightly coloured orange".
Fredcat scowled and carried on with his search. Then quite suddenly, on top of the bedroom wardrobe, Fredcat found the second pen, wrapped in the last of the missing pink scarves. "Ah, ha!" he cried aloud, "so when it comes to discovering things the two girls are just as inefficient as Sox and I, huh?!" and he ran downstairs to show off his finding. This time it was the girls who cringed under Fredcat's and Sox's sarcastic comments!
"So that leaves just the watch which hasn't been found," said Sox, "and we all know what it looks like, so let's look in the garage, it might be there. Perhaps Duncon took it off when he was working there."
But just as they were setting off, Laura came into the room looking very agitated, "We can't find our specially made wedding rings - that's a huge calamity! We can't possibly have a wedding without our very special wedding rings - and I'm not going to wear someone else's wedding ring as a stopgap, whatever will David think?" she cried. "They were in a special golden box and now the box is gone." She was very upset and rushed out of the room.
The cats looked at each other. This was getting out of hand. Eventually, however, remembering their original intentions, all four felines trooped into the garage, but with far less enthusiasm than before. Searching cupboards and wardrobes was OK but a garage was different. "Come on, you slowcoaches," yelled Sox, "it's bound to be here somewhere, there's no other place left."
 Lookalike squirrel |
"Hi there! My name is Squiffy, I'm a sort of cousin (umpteen times removed) of Squire. He told me you were coming here so I thought I'd look you up." "Squiffy! That's a terrible name," muttered Fredcat under his breath, but he let it pass. |
"I've been hearing lots of noises - what are you guys doing?" asked Squiffy sweetly, "and why are you all in the garage? That's an unusual place for cats to be - I would have thought kipping in some warm bed was far more your style," he added, humorously.
"We're searching for a watch and for some very expensive wedding rings," said Treacle, "the watch is a special one, to be used for the wedding," she added. They all looked at Squiffy, expectantly, as if he'd somehow know where it was. And that was where they got a shock!
"Oh, you mean this one!" said Squiffy and held out what looked like the box containing the missing watch.
Fredcat and the girls were dumbfounded. "Where did you get that?" demanded Fredcat, grasping the box, taking out the missing watch and examining it thoroughly. "OK, that is what we were looking for," he continued, "now where are the missing wedding rings? Have you got those as well?"
"'Fraid not, old sport," said Squiffy, "but how about a Thank You for getting the watch back? Manners maketh man, you know - or even cats," he threw over his shoulder as he started to hop away.
"Now you just hold on there," said Fredcat barring Squiffy's exit, "you have to tell us more than that, mate. I take it from your superior air and supreme self-confidence - rather like that Squire relative fella of yours - that you did not, in fact, steal the watch in the first place?"
 Jasmine admiring the corsage! |
"Meanwhile, ladies and gents all, may I introduce you to the one and only .... Jasmine!" |
And out from behind a large flower pot stepped a demure cat, who bowed politely and said, "Hello, everyone." She immediately went over to Sox and they exchanged enthusiastic greetings like the long standing acquaintances that they were. "I'm glad that I was able to make the wedding after all!"
At this, Squiffy moved towards the door again but was stopped by Fredcat. The latter stood perfectly still for a moment. "Look here, Squiffy, I think I've already put two and two together about this and have come up with a few answers of my own without having to bribe you. So you can forget about the hundred or so nuts you mentioned, my friend! Mind you, maybe you do deserve a handful, for handing over the watch without spiriting it away further and making our finding it even more difficult."
Squiffy looked a bit crestfallen at this but quickly cheered up at the thought of at least some free nuts (something is better than nothing!). Treacle interrupted this conversation and said, "Come on, Fredcat, this is all very interesting - but what's all the mystery? Has someone being leading us around the mulberry bush somehow?"
"Oh my goodness, yes!" replied Fredcat, "it's been slowly dawning on me what's happening here, and ever since Sox suggested we try to find the watch in the garage I've become convinced of it. I must confess, however, that I didn't really expect to see an accomplice (or, rather, two accomplices) in the garage. And even now I'm not sure if Squiffy is an accomplice - or just a lucky passerby." He pawsed.
Everyone looked intently at Fredcat who continued, "I think that our fun-loving Sox has been leading us a merry dance, up and down the house. Firstly, items go missing, all small ones you see, just big enough to be slipped unnoticed into a kitten's paws, and quickly secreted somewhere else."
"Then we are led up and down the stairs whilst Sox moves these items from one place to another, making suggestions as to where to look and, in the process, making us all look like proper Charlies. And then the real giveaway: Sox gave us a very detailed description of the lost watch! Even the most observant cat wouldn't have been able to recall all those tiny details from a cursory glance."
Fredcat grinned, "It seems that Sox has decided to play a game with us, all in keeping with the fun to be had from the wedding. Isn't that right, Sox?" he challenged. A rapid nodding was the reply. The other cats first glared and then started laughing as they realised that they had been properly fooled.
 Solution to the puzzle? |
"So where do you come in with all this?" said Treacle, looking at Jasmine, "We all thought you were too sick to come to the wedding." |
"It was all down to Sox," said Jasmine, "she and I thought it would be great sport to keep me hidden and for Sox to remove and move about little items from time to time. Any that she couldn't hide herself (for example, if everyone was looking in her direction) she would pass on to me later and I would hide them when nobody was looking. That's why, finally, she suggested you all search the garage where the watch would be found and where I would suddenly pop out of my hiding place and surprise you all!"
"But all this excitement has left me feeling a little weak, especially after my recent surgery, and I need to find somewhere to lie down and perhaps get some nourishment," she added.
At the mention of nourishment the ears of the assembled cats perked up and, led by Jasmine, a group of frantic felines made a mad scramble for the kitchen. Fredcat, however, stayed behind to chat with Squiffy.
The former looked hard at the latter and said, "Unfortunately this is not the result I thought we were seeking and I think there's more going on here than meets the eye. Have you anything more to tell me? For instance, how come you had the watch?"
"Oh, come now, Fredcat, you know there are some secrets I shouldn't divulge - I am Squire's cousin umpteen times removed, you know, and we squirrels can keep a secret! But, as it's you, and knowing you are so famous that you will figure it out, I'll save you some brainwork and tell you that I really was just passing by and saw the watch in its box, on the table."
"Hmmm, how disingenuous," said Fredcat, "my guess is that you just didn't happen upon the watch. I bet you were ferreting about in the garage, on the off-chance of finding something valuable, and probably had to hide when Jasmine came in with the watch to hide it. I bet you were just on the verge of making off with it when we cats all came in. But no matter, what I want to know is - where are the wedding rings?"
"No idea, matey," said Squiffy, "if I had 'em I'd tell you, but the plain fact is I just don't have them." And, surprisingly, Fredcat believed him! "By the way," Squiffy added, "don't bother with the nuts - I've already borrowed them - quite a few, in fact," chuckled the gray-tailed one, and promptly legged it before Fredcat could react.
Fredcat moved inside, but the food bowls had been emptied by the time he got there. He looked up, somewhat hungry, to see Laura burst into the room once more, saying in a very upset voice, "What! Now my wedding necklace and earrings are missing!"
All eyes turned to Sox and Jasmine. They, in turn, looked at each other and cried simultaneously, "No, no, it wasn't us, it wasn't us!" But the watchers' eyes held an unforgiving look suggesting that once someone has misbehaved then it's odds-on that they are guilty of a repeat crime ....
"Look," said Sox, desperately, "I admit that I moved some items around a bit for a game, and I passed a few on to Jasmine from time to time - but I didn't take the watch or the jewellery." She looked pleadingly at Laura. Jasmine moved quickly to comfort her.
"This is all very suspicious," muttered Fredcat, as the others came in. Braehaven moved across to comfort Sox, patting her on the shoulder saying, "It will be alright. Look, let me take you out of this gloom and we'll have a bit of a game with your fuzzy toy to cheer you up!" And he quickly picked it up and tossed it lightly from hand to hand.
Fredcat's voice was firm and stern. "Please, give that to me!" A strange silence ensued. Braehaven stood still as if he were going to refuse, then passed the fuzzy toy grudgingly to Fredcat.
"It's time to call the police," said Fredcat, "our friend Braehaven has a lot of explaining to do."
"Why? What's going on?" cried Treacle. "I just don't understand, Breahaven is one of David's ushers."
"No, he isn't, he's one of Laura's ushers!" said David.
"No, he isn't, he's one of David's ushers!" retorted Laura.
The two looked at each other amazed, and then looked at Braehaven. "So he's the culprit," said David, "I'd like a word with you, Mr. Braehaven, before the police get here!"
"Now just hold on," said Fredcat, "we need to examine the fuzzy toy first." And the assembly looked on wonderingly as the zipper on the toy was opened and out flopped the watch and the jewelry. Cries of astonishment and relief all round!
Fredcat then explained, "It seems that Braehaven had used confusion over a missing usher to infiltrate himself as a replacement when one of the original ushers had cried off at a late stage. And then, by sheer good luck (in his opinion), he probably saw Sox starting her little game of hide and seek with items around the house. And he meant to get it on the act!"
He continued, "Braehaven had seen that to move things around one needed some place to hide the items - and what better than the much-loved toy that Sox always carried with her? After all, that's how Sox herself was able to move items around unseen. One problem he did have, however, was where to put the real stolen goods ...."
"And that was where he had a stroke of luck. He'd spotted Jasmine doing a bit of her own removing of the wedding rings and noted that they hadn't been found as quickly as the other items. So I'm thinking that he had challenged Jasmine - who agreed to use the cover of Sox's game to arrange to permanently remove the wedding rings. Jasmine only had to admit to playing the game with Sox, and keep quiet about the serious part of taking the expensive wedding rings."
Jasmine had gone pale as all eyes turned on her. "Pretending to be a good friend of Sox so you could benefit from selling the wedding rings, no doubt," said Fredcat sternly. "And then, when you realised that Braehaven was of a like mind (when he spotted you and didn't say anything), you felt safe and continued with your plan."
"But why did you do this, Jasmine?" said Sox.
I suspect that Jasmine was worried about the cost of her medical treatment," said Fredcat, "but she should have realised that our human friends would always, always, always, find the wherewithall to pay for medical treatments for cats and kittens. Alas, it was too late, she was committed to her actions and she hoped that her human benefactors would understand her motives and be pleased." Jasmine nodded, guiltily.
"But what about the jewellery?" asked Nikita. "Who took that?"
"That turned out to be our friend Braehaven - he was off to Amsterdam, if you recall, and with all eyes on Sox (and possibly Jasmine) he thought he could get away with stealing the jewellery. I suspect that he had no intention of letting Jasmine have the two rings; he was going to double-cross her, and was going to keep everything for himself!"
"He'd made sure that everyone knew that he was off to Amsterdam - the home of the diamond trade - and no one would suspect him when he left in all innocence. He even hoped that the fortunate appearance of Squiffy would direct thoughts towards Squiffy being the thief!"
"But how did you suspect Braehaven?" said Nikita, pressing home the point. "He hadn't given himself away by his actions."
"Oh, but he did," said Fredcat, "I wondered how the missing items were being moved around the house, and when the really important and expensive ones went missing I realised that some third party had cottoned on to the game and was using that selfsame technique to hide the remaining items. It was just a case of waiting to see which one of you wanted to play with Sox's toy, and bingo! we had our thief. And when Braehaven tossed the toy into the air and didn't comment on its surprising weight, I knew that it was him that was at the heart of the grand theft."
"So it might have been anyone of us," said Nikita, shivering, "how exciting!" and she gave Fredcat a big smile. "Now let's get on with the wedding!"
Fredcat stopped speaking at last and turned to Mr. B. "Isn't that amazing, all that excitement at the wedding?"
 Wedding of the year! |
"The wedding was a magnificent affair and none of these so-called missing items were in fact missing at all! There was no police involvement, and the wedding rings were never out of the sight of the happy couple."
"And, furthermore," he added, "all those cats are very good creatures indeed - there's not an ounce of devilment in any of them! I know that for a fact because their human friends have told me so! Where do you get these preposterous ideas from?"
"Well, all the cats are real, no argument about that," said Fredcat, "and Jasmine did have an operation, the results of which are clearly visible, and we all celebrated the wedding in our different ways. But one thing admittedly was missing."
"And that was ...," said Mr. B., once more falling into the Fredcat trap.
"Well, Squiffy went away with plenty of nuts (which made him happy), all the gang had their share of the eats in the Laura kitchen (which made them happy), but it might have escaped your notice that I was the only one to miss out on the kitchen feasting! So, I was wondering ..."
"Absolutely not," replied Mr. B. "I don't believe a word of this whole tale from start to finish, so, no, Fredcat, nothing doing! You've had your share of the goodies and I think that you should disappear upstairs right now!"
But of course, dear reader, you will have realised by now that Mr. B, is not allowed to say any cross things to Fredcat, especially within Cathie's hearing. And sure enough ...
"Food at once for Fredcat," she commanded. And it was made so ...