Welcome to Fredcat's diary - and checkout his tails later!
- humbly continued by Frankie the Fearless

Saturday, March 22^nd 2008 (number 1004)

This is the life! Large image

Frankie and Farley were having a wonderful time in the spring sunshine. Frankie the Fearless, aka the tuxedo cat, dove into the shrubs surrounding the Fredcat residence and promptly hid there. Farley eyed said area carefully and then leapt, full tilt, into its very centre - straight onto the Fearless One. The two felines then scampered into the centre of the lawn and a fierce, no holds barred, tussle took place for a couple of minutes. Actually "no holds barred" is a bit of a misnomer as the claws of both cats remained fully sheathed. No bloodletting here!

Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, watched from the window high up in the study and sighed. She still missed her ginger and white Fredcat but was realistic enough to understand that he wasn't going to suddenly materialise. She was very pleased, however, that the two newcomers had settled in so well and she soon found her attention drawn to their antics once more.

Farley sitting pretty! Large image

Farley the Friendly had moved into a stalking mode, blissfully unaware that the tiny bird he was after was already far out of reach high up in the tree. Frankie watched and silently groomed himself. With a start the bird flew off and Farley straightened up and shrugged his tabby shoulders. Later, perhaps, when the bird was less watchful .. Later indeed, thought Cathie; the newcomers had already "invited" a couple of young birds into the Fredcat residence and all that remainded after their visit was a vast collection of feathers scattered over several rooms in the residence. Just as unappealing to her had been the couple of tubby mice who had lain, silent and still, until they were discovered lying in the middle of the study floor last week. "A present for the Grumpy One," thought Cathie and smiled. Mr. B. was very good at removing the evidence of the cats' evening sorties from both her and the felines themselves

Spotting her movement away from the window the cats leapt up the deck in a remarkably few bounds and rapidly made their way to the kitchen door where they waited patiently for their butler to open it. They had trained Mr. B. vey well! Cathie thought sadly of the painful efforts made by Fredcat in his last few days, when even Mr. B. had been moved to carry him up the stairs.

She met her cats downstairs as they burst in through the opened door. "Is Mr. B. going to leave us again?" asked Farley, always concerned, "I liked it when you were here on your own for a bit as we kittens got extra cuddles; Mr. B. never gives us proper cuddles."

"Now, now, Farley, Mr. B. is good at some things," replied Cathie, sternly, "he is too busy feeding your hungry mouths to get down and cosset you at your whim."

She continued, "Ths fact is that he has been distracted by having to visit the old country to see his ailing mother, GEB, and that took the shine off looking after you felines." She looked at both cats and said softly, "You are now well are truly integrated into this residence but one thing you both lack is a true understanding of your pedigree. Have you ever wondered who your mothers were?"

This initially stumped both Farley and Frankie, and they looked at each other in puzzlement. Farley spoke, "You're our mother, silly! Why do you think we bring you all these little creatures as gifts? I must say, though, Frankie and I are a bit puzzled when they disappear into thin air."

Frankie joined in the conversation. "Farley and I are brothers. We have each other - and you two humans - plus all those interesting creatures out there to play with. What more could one possible want?"

And then he stopped in his tracks and corrected himself, "Of course, what I'd really like is to receive that little saucerful of milk in the morning at breakfast - the milk which someone has decided I'm not to have any more. I've asked for the milk over and over again in the only way I know, mewing and playing supplicant for you to stroke and scratch me, leaping up - very high - and giving my best imitation of a needful feline. Farley always gets a taste of yogurt but I'm left bereft of a decent sip of milk - which even Farley admits he doesn't care for." He tried to put on a pout but cat's mouths aren't designed for pouting so the desired effect was lost.

Cathie looked a bit grim at that, "I'm sorry, Munchkin," she said, "but that's a new rule we have here. Mr. B.'s been far too indulgent with you in the past."

And so, Gentle Readers, this happy Easter time sees the two kittens cats, all twelve pounds each of them, thoroughly enjoying their happy life in their adopted home. All they now want to do is to wish all their readers a Happy, Happy Easter - as do their humans.

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Tuesday, December 25^th 2007 (number 1003)

We're having so much fun! Large image

Frankie sidled up to Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie. "I just want to say Thank You for having been Fredcat's best human friend, and for providing Farley and I with a happy home here," he said. Cathie's eyes narrowed. Frankie was not one to throw around gratuitous pleasantries when there was no food involved. She looked around for Farley, who feigned indifference. She came to the point quickly. "What exactly are you after?" she asked, politely.

Frankie was a tad hurt by this; it had taken an extreme effort on his behalf to approach Cathie. It was usually more appropriate for Farley the Friendly to do the hard bargaining but the latter had decided it was Frankie's turn in the hot seat and no amount of mewing could shift him. Farley continued his feigning indifference attitude but listened carefully to every word that passed between Cathie and the Fearless One.

Frankie sighed. "The thing is," he said, "We've been very happy here but we've heard rumours that you're considering bringing another feline into the household. We need to know exactly where we stand with regard to all the mod cons we've enjoyed since we came here. They may not stretch to a third feline, you know."

"What he's trying to say," butted in (the not much smaller) Farley, suddenly coming to life, "is will any new kitten get preferential treatment? And will we two be forced back to eating kitten food? Now that we're a bit bigger we've become used to eating cat food for grown up cats - that stuff's been a revelation, Cathie. We enjoy it so much!"

"Hmmm ..." said Cathie, "You two are just gluttons. Mr. B. has been far too soft, giving in to your constant demands for tinned cat food, there's plenty of nourishing cat biscuits available, you know. How much do you both weigh now? When you came here you Farley weighed just 4.6 pounds. Look at you now - you're almost 10 lbs, if you're an ounce!" She poked Farley in the ribs, her fingers meeting a sort of squishy resistance. "You, too, my boy, that Farley face is getting quite round, I have to say. Now that I'm home from work for a nice long Christmas break we'll have some changes in meal time routines around here, you two."

Farley backed off; this conversation was not going as planned. Frankie took up the argument, "Look, we've done some excellent work around here since October 2007 when the Diary formally ended; we've caught six mice - six! Plus two birds, countless skinks, beetles and flies (all RIP, regrettably). We also caught some voles as well, until Mr. B. liberated them. And that's just the creatures we've brought into the house to help you humans learn how to do it yourselves." He waved a paw into the air to demonstrate his undoubted catching ability.

Frankie continued, "If you were to bring another feline into this residence the newcomer wouldn't have anything to do or anything to catch - but he'd still want his share of everything." He suddenly froze. "Errr ... What if the newcomer were a female cat?! That would never do, female cats can be so demanding and they can be very bossy as well. Don't do it, Cathie, don't do it!!"

Farley also looked aghast. "Oh, no, Cathie, that would never do. Every night we come into bed and keep you company, you wouldn't want to upset that equilibrium would you? Even Frankie, who's always been very much a cat-who-walks-alone has taken to rolling on his back, allowing Mr. B. to stroke him without fear of retaliation. All that might change if a third cat comes here, you know." Frankie nodded agreement, he'd grown into a beautiful and well-muscled cat, weighing well over ten pounds (and counting), such that when Cathie poked him (very gently and very carefully) all she could feel was a wall of solid feline.

"All this is true," said Cathie, "but you need have no fear. The third feline has been here since Christmas Day and apparently you're prepared to dismiss him out of turn without even realising you're doing it!" She smiled secretly. "Before I reveal the nature of said feline, let me take some time to inform our Gentle Readers of how well you two have done over the last two months.

"You've both learned to use the great outdoors instead of your litter trays (and I can assure you that Mr. B is very pleased about that!) You're fine company for each other and get on very well together. Between the two of you only one bauble has been broken on the Christmas tree, and the Christmas lights have been dislodged only the once. I think you've both earned a Christmas present. I do hope you enjoy watching it."

"Now to the question of a third feline," she continued, "We humans have found the perfect playmate for you guys, one who will play with you all day yet consume no food, nor will obtain any special favours from we humans." She grinned at the puzzled expressions worn by both the Fearless One and the Friendly One before leading both cats into the next room.

The newcomer was an instant hit and Frankie in particular was mightily impressed. He spent some time chasing the newcomer into the open, just as he'd done when Farley arrived a few months ago. This new kitten was easily the best Christmas present he and Farley could have.

So, Gentle Readers, to finish, Cathie, Mr. B. and the kittens (who, it must be admitted are both cats now) are pleased to provide you with this little update (inspired by an email from Susan L.) on the feline element at the Fredcat residence and all here wish all reading this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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Thursday, October 18^th 2007 (number 1002)

Farewell, Fredcat, Frankie and Farley friends! Large image

Fredcat's best human friend, Cathie, looked at her two kittens, Frankie the Fearless and Farley the Friendly, and thought that the Fredcat famous Diary had come a long way since it was first started over four years ago. She sighed, thinking about the Mighty One. She had come to a decision. "Listen, you two, you've done your best to continue the Fredcat famous Diaries, with the assistance of Mr. B. and I, but I think that you shouldn't live in the shadow of the Mighty One for ever. However good you are at continuing this Diary you’ll always be measured against the Famous One - and that isn't fair to you.” She continued, "There will only ever be one Fredcat the Famous (and indeed only one Frankie the Fearless and one Farley the Friendly) but you're showed your worth and you’ve done it better than anyone could have asked for.”

"I’ve seen you quickly develop your skills over the last few weeks; today you brought in your first mouse (RIP) - which had been getting a bit too close to the residence's larder for comfort - and that shows that you’re ready to really enjoy being kittens and to enjoy taking on and exploring the world, untrammelled by the responsibilities of this Diary,” she said with a small smile.

The kittens nodded in reluctant agreement. Writing the Diary had been getting harder for them; they wanted to be out and about hunting, exploring, hiding and doing all the other things which so delight kittens and young cats. The Diary had been created to be about the Mighty One, and the two had shown admirable spirit in keeping it going until the magic 1000^th issue had been posted, and they had to admit to feeling a certain amount of relief following Cathie’s decision.

”What will you humans do now that the Fredcat Diaries are going to close?” asked Frankie, “Mr. B. had become used to transcribing our dictations, and you, Cathie, spent hours each week finding interesting and amusing links to go with the written word.”

"I dare say we’ll find something useful to do with our time,” replied Cathie, “First off, we’ll be able to look after you two better (so long as you behave yourselves) and then there are lots of books to read and films to watch - and, maybe in the longer term, travel. Until then, there’s work, of course."

And so, Gentle Reader, this is where the famous Diary ends - for the second and final time. Cathie will forever have fond memories of the kindly folk who have written in to Fredcat - and the two new kittens - over the years, and she and Mr. B. will start a new phase in their lives. Nothing is forever. Cathie will spend part of her time looking over the photographs of her darling Fredcat and Mr. B. will minister to the needs of the young kittens. The famous Diary will remain on Fredcat’s intawebs for an unspecified time.

So goodbye, everyone, and many thanks for reading and for keeping in touch with these felines of Cathie’s. We hope you enjoyed the time you spent reading these mewsings and tails, and we thank you for your contributions - without you, there would have been no point to all of this key-tapping! We wish you and your feline (and some canine!) friends well in the future. So long!

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Monday, October 15^th 2007 (number 1001)

Sibling non-rivals! Large image

"What is sibling rivalry?" asked Farley, politely, "I overheard one of your human friends talking when she visited the Frankie residence and she mentioned that phrase whilst looking rather pointedly at us. Is that a bad thing or a good thing?" The Friendly One wore a puzzled look and waited patiently for an answer. His best human friend, Cathie, gulped and struggled for a sensible reply. "Frankie is your sibling and you are his sibling," she said carefully, "And you like him very much, don't you?" She received a quick nod in reply.

"Well, sometimes siblings have an argument about things, often seemingly trivial, or perhaps they try to outdo each other for no good reason; either way, one sibling strives to be the better at the expense of the other sibling and they then become rivals for a short time." She took a deep breath.

She continued, "Look, Farley, although you and Frankie are brothers, you are not the same type of cat, not by a long chalk. Frankie is a tuxedo cat and he's rightfully very proud of that. On the other hand, you have the typical markings of a beautiful tabby cat. If you were to grow up into a really huge cat, you could easily be mistaken for a tiger!"

Now this was music to the Friendly One's ears. "I suppose you're right," he said, "Perhaps that's why I practice skulking around and pouncing on Frankie every chance I get - that's the tiger in me coming out. I also follow Mr. B. around a lot when he's working upstairs, and hide between sheets and under pillow cases, taking every opportunity to make myself invisible, before I jump out onto my prey. Obviously, from what you say, I'm going to grow up into a really ferocious tiger." He did a few practice pounces to underline his meaning but, unfortunately, said pounces started a momentum which carried him straight off the side of the slippery table and on to the floor, where he landed with a thump.

Cathie did very well to suppress a smile. "Well clearly you've not exactly mastered the athletic skills of other creatures needed to be a ..." (here she gave a slight cough) "... ferocious tiger, but when you grow up you'll find you'll be pleased with yourself nonetheless." She gave him a long cuddle and the Friendly One responded by nuzzling up close. As a ferocious tiger-to-be there was a lot to learn about getting friendly with your potential prey.

"I take it I don't have to learn a lot more skills," he said, "Sometimes when I hear Mr. B. getting our food bowls ready I try to mew a little word of encouragement but only a tiny squeak comes out; my vocal cords don't seem to have developed much so far. I do use my tiger-ish appearance to barge my way through and make sure I get my fair share of the food, because Frankie is a bit bigger than me and he will easily scoff the lot, if given the chance."

"Now that might be the beginnings of sibling rivalry," smiled Cathie, "but you two have so much fun together that I don't see you boys ever really falling out about anything; you are both too good natured to do anything foolish like that." She gave the Friendly One a last quick cuddle and placed him carefully on the floor. One tumble off the table was enough for one day; little Farley had a lot of growing up to do yet.

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Thursday, October 11^th 2007 (number 1000)

Thousand! Thousand!! Thousand!!! Large image

"I don't know if I believe that, to tell you the truth," said Frankie the Fearless, "Fredcat's famous diary is today posting its 1,000th entry?!?!?! This must be some kind of record!" He gazed at his best human friend, Cathie, and gave her a huge smile. "I'm so sorry that the Famous One didn't live long enough to see his diary reach this milestone after all these years. In the short time we had together, he'd told me of his early struggles in getting his famous Diary established. It's been worth it in the end though; just look at it now, 1,000 Diary entries!!" He continued, "Luckily my young acolyte, Farley the Friendly, and I, have been able to keep the Diary going, but it's been difficult without the Famous One's guidance."

Cathie wiped away an emerging tear; every time that someone mentioned Fredcat the Famous, she felt sad. Agreed, the Diary had been a long road for them all (over four years!) but many a feline (and even an occasional d*g!), and their best human friends, had provided lots of encouragement.

"I know it's not been easy for you both at times," she said, giving both Frankie the Fearless and Farley the Friendly a pat on the head, "but you've done well, considering the circumstances. You're still kittens, after all, and to take on the responsibility of the Famous Diary at your tender age is a tremendous achievement."

The Fearless One and the Friendly One stood proudly together, their tails erect and their fur brisling with pride. "Mr. B. weighed us yesterday," stated Farley, "I'm now 7.8 pounds. The Grumpy One says that we're growing like weeds! One day soon we'll be full grown cats!"

"I'm bigger, too, I'm now 8.6 pounds," chimed in Frankie, "We've both put on two pounds since our last visit to the v*t's office and I reckon we're already full grown cats." Both felines stood as tall as they could for Cathie's considered inspection, as if awaiting their next set of instructions.

"Hmmm," said Cathie, thinking briefly of the mess of kittening toys in the living room which she'd tidied up yesterday, "You guys mean well; there's not a mean bone in either of your bodies, but I think you've a little way to go yet before you can call yourselves full grown cats."

"Will we ever be as famous as Fredcat?" mewsed Farley, "We don't sing or do anything like that but we work quite hard on this Diary thing you know; I think we should be at least a bit famous."

"I'm quite sure I'll be as famous as Fredcat," sniffed Frankie, "Being a tuxedo cat gives me a natural advantage; I'm always purrfectly turned out - and soon I'll be a majestic looking specimen. I can be famous for that!" He took a few steps forward and looked approvingly at his reflection in the wall mirror, flicking back his head in a superior sort of way.

This was a touch too much for Cathie. "I'm afraid looking good is not enough. You have to have done something special to demonstrate worthiness to your peers before you can truly be called famous. Fredcat himself was a true warrior; he fought many battles (very successfully, I'll have you know!) and made a name for himself by writing his truly famous stories which he recounted to Mr. B. You've some way to go to match that, me boyos. And you have to be acknowledged as being famous by your own kind, as well as by we humans, you know." She smiled gently at her kittens. They meant well, but these upstarts needed to be taught a bit of a lesson before they got carried away with their own sense of famosity!

The kittens sighed, growing up in the shadow of a famous feline like Fredcat was going to be harder than they thought; perhaps when they'd lived a bit longer and worked a little harder they should ask Cathie if they matched up yet to the Famous One ...

Their reverie was short lived. A rattle from downstairs made them perk up their ears and within seconds, nay microseconds, it seemed, they'd forgotten all about the 1,000 edition of Fredcat's famous Diary and had raced downstairs, all fourteen steps, in a flash and had their heads buried in bowls of cat biscuits. Their time of glory would have to wait - at least until their hunger had been sated!

Cathie and Mr. B. sat down in the living room and considered how best to tell the world about Fredcat's 1,000 Diary entry achievement; but a cup of tea was very soothing and soon both humans had fallen asleep in front of the big TV leaving the kittens to groom themselves before they, too, fell asleep, each in their own round bed.

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Monday, October 8^th 2007 (number 999)

Necessarily narrating - the 999th Diary!!! Large image

"This is our lucky day!" cried Farley, "Look at this great email we've received; we're going to be in the money at last!" He scampered around the room at dizzying speed, his mind a blur. "What shall we do with all this extra money?" he asked no one in particular, leaping up and then down from the desk whilst Frankie stretched and ambled over to the computer screen. "Where did it all this extra money come from?" frowned Frankie, always the more reserved of the kittens, "I could certainly use it, though; I vote we get Mr. B. to buy larger cans of meat and not those tiddley little ones he's been doling out - we no sooner get stuck into those than the tins are empty!"

When their best human friend, Cathie, heard about the claimed tax rebate she laughed. "You guys! That email is a perfect example of a scam perpetrated by villains who use the internet to get money from gullible humans. The scam artists get you to give them all sorts of valuable personal information which they then sell, to your eventual discomfort, and sometimes they even get you to send them money instead of the other way round."

She continued. "I'm afraid there's no tax refund available (think about it, chaps; you've never actually paid any tax in the first place - and even if there were we'd have to use it to pay for certain recent breakages around here." She looked pointedly at her youthful felines who suddenly felt a human emotion called guilt.

"And another thing, I'm surprised that you even believed in this tax refund nonsense in the first place - you're no longer babies, after all. And, speaking of growing up, I do have to say that I'm very pleased that you've kept to your agreement to use the litter tray and clean up after yourselves; that is very helpful to Mr. B."

"It's a shame we can't get any of this free money, said a downcast Farley, "We could get some new beds - and an extra set of blankets. Some cats live in the ultimate lap of luxury. This Chico cat has it made; no one would ever dream of making his life difficult. And I bet he gets lots of assistance in writing that blog; we get help only from Mr. B. - and only then when he's finished watching the big TV."

"You know, I think I hear Mr. B. opening a tin of something," said Cathie, "I wonder if it's something nice for my tea? No, I do believe it's some new brand of meaty cat food he'd opening."

But she was talking to fresh air; two scampering kittens had shot down the stairs at full speed and were already mewing loudly around Mr. B.'s feet as he completed his task. The poor Grumpy One found himself having to shuffle towards the feeding area to put the fresh plates of cat food down, whilst trying to avoid encircling felines who threatened to trip him up. But soon both kits were tucking in, all thoughts of tax rebates forgotten.

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Thursday, October 4^th 2007 (number 998)

Fredcat remembered! Large image

Frankie's best human friend, Cathie, was getting ready for work but instead of going about her preparations with a cheerful smile, she seemed to be a bit low. "What's the matter?" asked Farley the Friendly. But a slight nod from Mr. B. stopped him pursuing that line of enquiry further and Frankie whispered quickly to his little brother, "Today would have been Fredcat the Famous' birthday, and I think Cathie's feeling sad. She obviously misses him dearly."

"He was quite old when he died, wasn't he?" said Farley, oblivious to the slightly crass nature of his question, but Frankie understood what Farley meant. "You told me earlier that he would have been five and a bit years old today if he had lived and that's very, very old," Farley continued. The younger kitten's understanding of age, like that of all young folk, was such that felines were divided into two groups; the young (like him) and the rest (who were very old).

When Cathie had eventually driven off to work, Farley came up with an idea. "Why don't we get Cathie a present to cheer her up when she gets home?" Frankie thought this a very good idea (for a change) and the two set about considering what Cathie would like, and soon came up with the notion that as the humans had acquired all the bits and pieces inside the Frankie residence, the best place for the kittens to look for a present was outside.

So it was here that they began looking for suitable gifts. "Here's a nice black beetle," said Frankie, picking the squirming insect up carefully and, carrying it into the residence, he deposited it onto the kitchen floor. The beetle was trying to say something like "Put me down!" but it was difficult to communicate when you're being carried about by a monster kittening cat and the creature's communications became lost in translation. "That's a good start," opined Farley, with satisfaction.

"I've found another one of those skinks," said Farley happily, a few minutes later. "See if we can avoid it shedding its tail this time. Someone dumped the tail from their last skink we played with into the kitchen bin, which I thought wasn't fair at all." Said skink was added to the growing collection on the kitchen floor.

"I'll go and get some of those bugs that are always trying to crawl up the windows," said Farley, "It's quite hard to catch them, but they'll soon play along when they realise that they're being brought indoors to cheer up our best human friend." And no sooner said, than done.

Next came a greyish-looking grasshopper which wouldn't stay still in the beginning, but which was finally restrained, after a bit of a battle.

"We need something special to finish off," said Frankie. This time they looked further afield and that's when they spied the tiny, multi-coloured, wriggling snake. This was a lot more difficult to bring inside but the dynamic duo were on a mission and were becoming adept at carrying small things, and soon it was added to the menagerie.

"There!" said Farley at last, "Cathie will be so pleased and surprised to see what we've brought her. I'm sure she'll be cheered up by these."

"Surprised" certainly described Cathie when she finally came home, although "pleased" wasn't exactly the word she had in mind when she saw the feline offerings. Nonetheless they had meant well and she cuddled them both and said that they reminded her of Fredcat who used to bring things home himself. "Thank you so much for the thought," she said, and after a suitable time Mr. B. helped her clean up the kitchen floor whilst two happy kits tucked into some tinned cat food as their prize for being so thoughtful.

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Monday, October 1^st 2007 (number 997)

Tuxedo cats a-plenty! Large image

Frankie the Fearless had taken to grooming himself more than somewhat recently. His best human friend, Cathie, noticed it first. "Look, young maestro," she said, "It's right and proper for felines like you to keep themselves looking fine and dandy, but don't you think you're overdoing the grooming a tad?" Frankie stopped what he was doing and his nose twitched as he tried to cover up his self indulgence. "As I continue to grow (and, in actual fact, I am already larger than Farley), I've become aware that I'm something special, like many a feline before me." He looked again at Cathie and this time the stare was a bold one and not at all shy.

"You see, I'm a tuxedo cat - a special breed, indeed. There are lots of us around - and we need to maintain an air of dignity and look smartly turned out all the time." He did a slow twirl to show off his tall white boots and pure white shirt front. "It's even more important that I maintain my appearance now that I'm growing up."

He was interrupted by Farley who had been playing at ferocious big cats by himself upstairs. "There's another tuxedo cat in the bedroom!" he cried, "They get everywhere, don't they! Come and have a look."

This was a severe jolt to the Frankie ego; this was his residence now, and there was room for only one tuxedo cat here; what was Cathie doing, bringing in another one?

But little Farley spoke the truth. A strange new tuxedo cat sat on the dresser, oblivious to the surprised stares of the two resident felines.

"Oi! Hop it!" ordered Frankie, and leapt up close. The foreigner remained unmoved. Without further ado Frankie, who was not nicknamed "The Fearless One" for nothing, leapt upon the intruder who promptly fell to the floor, displaying a hollow inner shell.

"Stop that!" yelled Cathie, "That's one of my two special tuxedo cat statues, bought for me when I lived in England; I've always liked tuxedo cats and that one has been on my dresser, where you couldn't get at it, for years. Just leave it alone, you hear?" She was obviously a bit cross.

Frankie crept off silently. He hated being told off by his Cathie. He trotted off to preen himself in front of the mirror - and that's when he saw yet another tuxedo cat - this one looking right at him. He couldn't believe it. This one stared right back at him - and it moved. But before he could attack and put this interloper to flight, Cathie came up behind him - and suddenly there was another Cathie! This was weird, to say the least.

"Don't worry, pet," soothed Cathie, "That's only you and I, reflected in the mirror. A lot of felines don't see themselves in the mirror, but this is a first for you - you can see yourself. In my humble opinion that suggests that you're a smart cat." She patted him on the head and suddenly Frankie felt a lot better.

He went to tell Farley all about it, but that worthy wasn't interested. He was off in a kittening dream world, still being a ferocious tiger, and stalking Mr. B. For some unknown reason he adored the Grumpy One and followed him around for hours, often getting in the latter's way. Frankie realised that the interests of the two kittens were slowly diverging; Frankie was growing up quickly and had his preferences, and although the the kittens frequently tussled around the residence it was usually Farley who initiated such play fighting.

"Look here," said Farley, when he finally paused in his tiger-related activities, "Don't you think that we should ask Mr. B. for more meat? If I'm to become a real ferocious tiger then I'll have to bulk up a bit. Tell him we want meat twice a day instead of once - and not fish, mind, but proper meat." Frankie sighed, he too wanted more meat and said that he would do his best to persuade the Grumpy One, but deep down he knew that he'd have to come up with a more convincing reason to persuade Cathie, since he knew that she was the one who controlled their diet, and not Mr. B. Life is hard when kittens begin to grow up - and Cathie is no pushover!

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Thursday, September 27^th 2007 (number 996)

Growing grass for kittens! Large image

The strangers arrived in the middle of the afternoon and the (sensibly wary) kittens promptly arranged themselves high up the inside the Frankie residence such that they had an excellent vantage point. When the motors started Frankie was taken by surprise and took a cautious pace backwards; he knew he was supposed to be fearless but he'd found that the best battles were won when he could chose the battleground and not have one dictated for him Farley, on the other hand wasn't known as the friendly one for nothing, Constant Reader. His best human friend, Cathie, thought that sometimes he should be a tad more circumspect with strangers and a little less naive, but he seemed to get on well enough with all and sundry, so she left well alone.

Mr. B. explained what was happening to the curious felines. "Every year about this time we have to add grass seed to the lawn. We have to present a neat garden to the world, after all."

Soon the no-longer-strangers were finished and their truck disappeared down the road. "We'll pop out the back door now," said Frankie, and he and Farley both looked patiently and expectantly at Mr. B. until he opened the door to the deck. They set off to see what other creatures they could find to play with.

"If you see any mice, then you have my permission to play with them, boys. Just don't bring them indoors as you did the skink you were playing with yesterday.," sang Mr. B. with a grin, but Cathie thought that even mice should be given a chance of life without two huge kittens bearing down on them. Although they were small (as far cats go), to a mouse they would seem enormous!

"Those two d*gs are in the garden again," reported Farley later, "One black and one white; you can't see them now because they always run off when you humans appear. Is it OK to play with them if we get a chance? I'm sure they're looking for food; have we got any to spare?"

"Probably not," admitted Cathie, "These are d*gs at large and we shouldn't encourage them. We don't want them tearing up the lawn now that it's just been reseeded. I'll call you in for you tea shortly - so don't go too far, you hear?"

Actually there was no chance of the kittens missing their tea because shortly after another visitor, Dr. Ken, arrived, attracting the little ones inside the residence. He'd brought Farley a present of a Christmas stocking made by Jane.

"It is quite beautiful," said Cathie, "You two haven't experienced a Christmas yet, have you? We hang these up at Christmas, and hope that goodies are left inside them." Frankie started to protest that he, too, wanted a Christmas stocking but was quickly mollified by Cathie who told him that, as the senior feline, he had a duty to let his younger brother have first one.

Frankie sighed and knew he'd have to wait. "I don't know about Christmas, I don't about lawn-seeding; there are so many important questions that I need to know the answers to in this world where we've ended up living," he said, wistfully. But such philosophical thoughts were soon swept aside when Farley decided that it was time to play a wrestling game and soon both kittens were engaged in a tumbling match all over the living room floor whilst the humans put their feet up to enjoy a chat and a nice cup of tea.

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Monday, September 24^th 2007 (number 995)

Seeing out the summer! Large image

The kittens arranged themselves comfortably on the duvet. Farley was sitting very still, staring wide-eyed at his best human friend, Cathie. Frankie was silently grooming himself but was nonetheless attentive. Cathie had told them that she had something important to tell them both. "Now then, you two," she began, "so far the world has been a wonderful place for you both. You are fortunate enough to be very cute animals and you've found yourselves living almost in the lap of feline luxury, with all mod cons, for a little while now, but things are about to change." The kittens looked blankly at her. They didn't understand a word of what she was saying - they both thought this talk was to be food-related (a topic dear to the hearts of both of them) and were slightly puzzled at Cathie's words thus far.

Before Cathie could continue, Frankie piped up; "We like the cat biscuits, Cathie. They're crunchy and very tasty, but we'd be just as happy to have more of the tinned cat meat as well!" Farley nodded his agreement; he was the possessor of a very healthy appetite and, despite his being the smaller of the two kittens, he always managed to finish his plate of food first - and unfailingly help himself to some from Frankie's plate, much to the latter's annoyance.

"This has got nothing to do with food," said Cathie, a tad crossly, "But, talking of that, I don't want you mithering Mr. B. every time he goes into the kitchen to make me a cup of tea. You have your well-stocked supply of biscuits always to paw, and he's started giving you a nice tin of cat food to share for breakfast; that should be more than enough. And just leave him alone when he's eating his breakfast cereal, OK? Brandy sent a message for the Guestbook, explaining that not every kitten or cat is lactose intolerant - but even if you are both OK to drink milk - just LEAVE THE GRUMPY ONE'S BREAKFAST CEREAL ALONE! OR ELSE!" She tried to stare both kittens down but this was difficult as they blinked less frequently than she.

"The point is that summer, and the summer sun, which you both enjoy so much, aren't here forever, kitties; yesterday was officially the first day of autumn - that's when the leaves begin to fall from the trees. You'll see a lot of leaves falling here! In fact, in the US they even call autumn fall, would you believe. I have no idea why this is; autumn is a perfectly good word. (Yes, Dear Reader, Cathie likes to use the words of her home country - quite unlike Mr. B., who is famous for muddling up all his words!)

The kittens listened to her words, quite agog, and then rushed to the window and scanned the world outside. No leaves were falling. "Oh, don't worry, boys, it'll happen. In a few days the weather will turn colder, and you'll start growing your winter coats. You'll also see a lot more of that rain stuff you saw for the first time recently. And wind," Cathie finished.

This was not good news and Frankie, always the most vocal, immediately started complaining. "Well, I think that that's not fair. Things are not as they appear to be," he said, "You say it's going to rain - and be windy - yet it's going to be over 90F in the garden today. You'll be telling us next that the garden will be full of new creatures."

"We'll put up with all this rain and wind and falling leaves stuff - so long as Mr. B. provides us with lots more tinned cat food," sang Farley, chancing his arm, as he bounced easily through the cat door with Frankie not far behind.

Cathie sighed. She'd done her duty and warned them and it wouldn't be a total surprise when the weather turned - it would happen soon, she just knew. In the meantime, she couldn't complain at the pair wanting to enjoy what remained of the nice weather. Happy kittens!

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Thursday, September 20^th 2007 (number 994)

Demanding kittening meat! Large image

"The dishwasher is broken," complained Mr. B., "Now I'll have to wash all the dishes by hand! That's awful." The kittens looked at him with surprise. They always cleaned their plates down to the last scrap so they couldn't even see a need for dishes to be washed. What's the problem? they thought. Mr. B. and Cathie lick their plates clean, surely? But they reckoned without the humans. "I know you do well to lick your plates bone dry," commented Cathie, 'But we humans have become a fastidious lot and we need our dishes to be sparkling clean. If we have visitors they wouldn't like to eat off plates that kittens had been using. No, sir!"

It didn't take long for Cathie to come up with the solution. "Let's go shopping!" she said, "Stop trying to fix that old machine; you'll never get it to work. We need a brand new dishwasher - and to have it installed quickly. The old one is definitely on the way out, so don't waste any money paying to have it fixed; it's years and years old." She was feeling very pleased with herself, though Mr. B. was his usual grumpy self at the thought of all that money being wasted on a machine.

Soon the dishwasher installation gang arrived, installed the new machine - and even took away the old one. "It's very messy under there," they said and Mr. B. helped out with a brush and dustpan, sneezing all the time at the dust. Farley watched with great interest and thought of suggesting to the installation guys that they see Mr. B.'s desk,; that was a real mess!

Frankie slept through it all and was very surprised when he woke up to see the new machine installed. "Does that mean that we'll always have clean dishes for our food every day?" he asked, and Cathie nodded agreement. "Then I think it's about time we got started on some solid meat cat food," he opined, and looked her in the eye. "My insides grumble every time I see you eating sausages and cold meats with salads and I just know that there's some decent meat out there (here he waved his left front paw vaguely) which is right for us and I'd like it, really, really like it, if you'd buy me some."

Farley pricked up his large ears. "That goes for me, too," he said, "I want my share. Just because I'm small in comparison to Frankie doesn't mean I have to wait to start enjoying real cat food, you know. I definitely like the thought of meaty cat food for kittens." He stared appealingly at Cathie who, much to her surprise, found herself agreeing.

Soon Cathie had run out in her red car and returned with a load of small tins of kittening meaty cat food. The Persuasive Pair circled endlessly as Mr. B. used all his skills to open one of the tins and place the contents onto two newly cleaned plates, giving each kitten exactly half. Then each plate was placed on the floor.

Whoosh! In very short order two kittens homed in on the smell of the meat and soon two tiny heads were bobbing up and down as they quickly downed this (to them) unusual food, until there was nothing left. "Time for a quick run around now," they cried simultaneously, and scampered up and down the living room as if it were an assault course until they were quite exhausted.

Then it was time for bed and soon both had gained their favourite kipping spots; Frankie on one of the round beds and Farley up high on a desk whilst Cathie looked anxiously at Mr. B. for the promised cup of tea. Shopping for dishwashers and kittening meat was quite tiring, and a nice cup of tea was what was now needed. Cheers!

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Monday, September 17^th 2007 (number 993)

Raining on our parade! Large image

It was a disaster. All Frankie wanted to do was pop outside and sniff the morning air ... and perhaps see off play with another gecko or two ... and run around a bit ... and have fun with Farley ... and eat a blade of grass ... and try to catch some flies. But he couldn't. Neither could Farley. Someone or something kept dropping water on them, no matter where they went outside. It didn't take either of them long to scamper back inside the Frankie residence and start with the grumbling.

"I don't want to go outside to get washed," cried Frankie, "I think using water as a don't-do-that-whatever-it-is-you're-doing-device is so unfair. Why can't humans just say NO when they want one to stop doing something?"

"We've tried that," replied Frankie's best human friend, Cathie, "But it doesn't seem to work. You two are so busy galloping around the place, my boy, that you don't get the message. We've had to adopt a gentle strategy of using small squirts of water to underline our request for you to behave. We're very selective about this, and do it with no nastiness in mind, but, after all, you're still only kittens, and we have to ensure that you grow up properly. I'm sure that Fredcat the Famous would agree with what we're doing and how we're doing it."

"But we have to have our daily exercise," said Farley, jumping to his friend's defence. "If we have to stay indoors all the time because of this, this, whatever it is, we'll start eating in frustration - and then we'll end up obese. You wouldn't want that would you?"

"You'll never get that fat," laughed Cathie, "You could always eat something non-fattening like melons or you could try fishing for food in the puddles outside. A lot of big cats get on very well fishing for their supper, you know. Anyway, chaps, this "whatever it is", as you call it, is only rain, and you won't die from being outside when it's spitting with rain."

But the kittens were not happy and Cathie did her best to find something useful for them to do. "I know," she said, "One of your regular contributors, Daisy D*g, is going on a sponsored walk to help an animal rescue organisation - would you like me to put something in the Diary to show your support? I know Daisy is a d*g, but she means well!"

The kittens agreed and were talking about the event when Frankie stopped and cocked his head to one side - he had heard the sound of the rain slowly dying away. He looked out of the door from the garage and saw that the rain had indeed almost stopped. He emerged cautiously from the cat door, with Farley followed warily. There was a sudden spurt of rain and Farley had to scamper a bit but soon the sun came out and the kittens were revelling in the warm sunshine. This was much better!

Cathie sighed, and wondered how she was going to explain away the end of summer and the onset of winter to her two small cats. So far it had been easy going but as the days grew shorter and the temperature dropped she'd have all sorts of feline questions to answer. She'd have to put her thinking cap on to deal with that!

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Thursday, September 13^th 2007 (number 992)

Creatures in the residence! Large image

When Frankie's best human friend, Cathie, came home from work, he squeaked a noisier than usual welcome and he and Farley fussed around her feet until she settled down to a relaxing cup of tea. "What? What? What's all the fuss and bother about?" asked Cathie, "You don't normally greet me in such a noisy fashion. Whatever it is will have to wait until I've put my feet up; if I don't do that I shall collapse with tiredness."

But this clearly wasn't satisfactory, as far as the kittens were concerned. "Fredcat had told me that we'll have the occasional outdoors creature coming inside the house," said Frankie, "and he was so right. We've come across some strange ones already."

"First of all, there was a very small insect prowling around in the garage - a black beetle of some kind," said Farley, "It was very hard to pick up and, I have to say, it wasn't at all edible." At this Cathie shuddered; the thought of one of her kittens actually even trying to eat a beetle made her shudder. She took a sip of tea to help dispel the mental image.

"Then we saw a d*g in the garden. A d*g! In our garden! She was huge compared to us," continued Farley, "We decided to stay well clear but it was definitely a d*g; I've seen them at the v*t's office and they make a terrible noise when agitated and pant a lot with their mouths open; very rude." Cathie was alert to this; she knew d*gs weren't allowed in the subdivision unless on a leash. She'd need to keep an eye open in case the situation happened again.

"Perhaps we should go to England, where Fredcat was born," said Frankie, darkly, "Dana from L.A. has told me that at number 10 Downing Street, where the UK Prime Minister lives, there's a new feline resident called Sybil. We'd be much better off there; I'd probably be able to get all the milk I want, instead of having to try and wangle Mr. B.'s meagre leftovers from his breakfast cereal."

It probably has to be explained, Dear Reader, that Frankie, having once tasted (quite fortuitously) some breakfast cereal milk, wanted more of it - much more! But Cathie had put her foot down and said no, much to his disgust.

"Anyway," said Frankie, "Never mind the beetle - we have this cute little toy, I mean creature, upstairs on the landing. It has a lovely pretty tail which seemed to come off when we played with it. Would you like to come and see it? I don't think it's gone far from where we left it. I think you humans call it a gecko."

"We had a great deal of trouble getting it to play with us," said Farley, "It wanted to hide in the most inaccessible places and we nearly got stuck ourselves trying to get it to come out and play." He looked winningly at Cathie who shuddered again.

"Look here, you playful felines," she said, with a grin, "Take my advice and be more careful around these strange animals, they might not all be so playful back. I do hear that some humans elsewhere in this country are trying to bring in laws to keep felines corralled on their own property; I can't see that working, myself, but you'd better be careful nonetheless." Both kittens nodded deferentially and went off to search for the missing gecko - perhaps he'd grown another tail and was ready to play again ...

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Monday, September 10^th 2007 (number 991)

Wonderful life for kittens! Large image

All was back to normal, just as it was several weeks ago. All visitors were long gone and their warm caresses were but a distant memory. But some things had changed, Dear Reader. For a start, Frankie and Farley now had the complete run of the house and garden and Farley in particular was concentrating on getting the close attention of Mr. B. Mr. B. on the other hand was becoming more like the Grumpy One of old and it had become a battle of wills to see who would give in first. Frankie had decided that he would try to attain favourite status of his best human friend, Cathie, and crept near her as often as his independent genes would allow.

When it came to friendliness there was no one to beat Farley. If he decided that he was your friend, his friend you were. There was nowhere to go, no safe haven to hide. Farley was literally in your face, demanding to be scratched, tickled, cuddled and carried to wherever you were going. He walked in Mr. B.'s footsteps - which was problematical when they went downstairs as both human and feline demanded the right to step on each stair at the same time.

"Farley the Friendly is taking friendliness to a new height," commented Mr. B., rather sourly, as the small one curled up in his lap on top of his book. "He may be a rescued kitten but he can be a tad overpowering. Is there any chance he could go to work with you tomorrow?"

Cathie laughed; she would dearly love to take her kittens to work every day but thought that the rest of the staff might be so taken with them that there'd be little real work done, and she would get the blame.

"Farley is anything but a mean kitty," she said, "You should be more grateful that he dotes upon you so. Some felines never get that close to their humans; if one tries to pick one of them up for a cuddle he or she will arch their back and scoot at the first opportunity. They're wary of humans and sleep alone whereas our two kittens just love to be together, or with us. We are very lucky to have them - so just stop complaining."

Cathie gazed at both her new charges with admiration. "We are so fortunate to have such a well matched pair living here," she said, smiling, "Contrary to your first thoughts, they're not eating us out of house and home and they don't complain one iota when they only receive cat biscuits."

Mr. B. looked guiltily at that remark. The kindly v*t had impressed upon Cathie that as cats age they tended to become lactose intolerant so it was a good idea to avoid giving them milk - even when young. But no one had told Frankie this and each morning when Mr. B. poured milk on his breakfast cereal Frankie would appear from nowhere and beg mightily for a taste.

Mr. B. was all for allowing Frankie to sip the dregs of the bowl to placate the poor hungry feline (and thereby assuring Mr. B. of quiet life) but Cathie had utterly forbidden it. Because of this she was yet to hear of an incident yesterday ....

Mr. B. had been called away by Cathie just as he was about to eat his first spoonful of cereal, and he placed the bowl of cereal plus milk way out of reach - way up high - while he dealt with the errand.

Way out of reach to a tender kitten - but, it turned out, well within the scope of a leaping, athletic, Olympic, high-jumping kittening cat called Frankie. The milk remaining in the cereal bowl when Mr. B. returned from his errand, wasn't even sufficient to make the cereal soggy; a hardened mush was all that was left. Mr. B. had sighed, and hoped that Frankie's insides hadn't been compromised; perhaps he was more developed than was originally thought.

Luckily after-effect there was none, and life continued unabated. Finding places where agile kittens could not reach was going to be an ongoing issue. Cathie knew that having growing kittens in the Frankie residence was going to be a different cup of tea to her best and only Fredcat, who didn't pose that sort of a problem, but there were clearly issues ahead that the humans would have to confront. Nice issues, but issues nonetheless. Kittens!

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Thursday, September 6^th 2007 (number 990)

We're staying right here! Large image

Frankie was cross at Mr. B. "Monday was September the 3rd,, not September the 4th," he glowered. "Fredcat warned me that you were prone to make glitches like that, so pleased correct it immediately before my best human friend, Cathie, gets to see it and we receive lots of emails about it." "People will think we can't do numbers properly!" he continued, "I'll have you know we kittens have been well educated - in some areas! - and numbers is one area in which I excelled." He thumped the desktop a bit to show who was boss.

"Fredcat wasn't that hot on numbers, as I recall," muttered Mr. B., smarting as he made the correction. "In fact I should never have made that mistake as September 3rd, 1939, was the date on which the Second World War started for Britain, though of course most people won't know that."

Farley wasn't very interested in all this; he was feeling rather sad. Yesterday the last of summer visitors had departed with lots of hugs and many hand waves. Farley liked them as they were forever picking him up and cuddling him. He himself was a most friendly and attractive kitten and had adored being comforted on someone's lap or simply being walked around, held on high in a human's arms.

"What shall we do now they've gone?" asked Farley, at last. "We've had a great time sneaking in and out of everything, pretending to move things and be cat burglars when Mr. B. isn't looking, even though he always seems to catch us in the end."

"I think we'd better stick to trying to open the drawers where the clothes are kept; they have such lovely soft insides and we're small enough, at the moment, to snuggle down and sleep there for hours," said Frankie. Now that the visitors have gone Mr. B. is busy making sure nothing has been left behind so there's our chance to explore everywhere."

But fate intervened in another way to keep our small heroes amused. Mr. B. had mistakenly opened a small tin of wet cat food (especially for kittens - he read the label!) despite Cathie's giving strict orders that the kittens were to be fed only on cat biscuits for the time being. Not only that but he had left the opened tin in a place where agile kittens could easily reach.

You guessed it, Gentle Reader. With a single bound the tin was freed from on high and landed below on the kitchen floor. It took only a few milli-seconds for the kittens to consume the lot taking turns to devour half the tin of cat food each. When Cathie found out, as female humans always do, it seems she blamed not the kittens - who were of course special in her eyes - but Mr. B. and demanded an extra cup of tea in compensation. So it all worked out rather well for all concerned. Neither kitten was harmed by the experience but the humans had to be very careful when meat was on the table for subsequent meals ...

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Monday, September 3^rd 2007 (number 989)

Exploring the world! Large image

The kittens had quickly become adept at going into and out of the cat door from the inside of the Frankie residence to the garage. Flap went the door, flap, flap and flap again, as kittens sped effortlessly into and out of the garage to use the litter trays. Mr. B. had taken an important executive decision (as advised by Frankie's best human friend, Cathie) to place both litter trays together in one place in the garage and neither kitten seemed to object to this.

"We'd taken the advice of the kindly v*t," said Cathie, "She'd suggested that once you guys had become accustomed to the cat door then it would be OK to put both litter trays into the garage. The house is now litter tray free!"

The kittens looked at each other and nodded their acceptance, "It's OK by us," said Frankie, always the more vocal of the two. "It's good to have two litter trays, just in case we need to, errr, make use of them at the same time." He smiled winningly and Cathie readily agreed. It was be up to Mr. B. to keep the trays tidied up on a regular basis; no kitten liked to use a soiled litter tray but so far all had been well in that department.

"Hey! Look!" said Farley, "I've just spotted another cat door in the garage, I wonder where that one goes? It can't go back inside the residence, that's what that door over there does." He pushed his two front paws and head gently at the base of the second door and it yielded ...

"Let me see!" demanded Frankie, impatiently and pushed Farley head first, willy-nilly, through the cat door, and quickly followed. There they met an amazing sight. Huge bushes and gigantic trees and wide flat surfaces to scratch and scamper on! There was no roof on this world and it was lovely and warm; warmer than the inside of their residence. There was an instant jabbering as birds on high called warning signals to their comrades. The kittens looked up, searching out the source of these noises, but saw only leaves rustling. They quickly turned their attention to the ground below.

"Keep together," whispered Farley, and they began to creep about gingerly towards the grassy lawn. Farley proved himself the explorer, saying "Taste this!" as he nibbled a long green stalk of grass. "It's just what I need!" he said, and sat down for at least three seconds before bounding around in happiness. "Can this be our new home?" he said, "I could stay here forever!"

Frankie was no less happy. He'd already proved himself a faster sprinter than Farley and now he tore around, up and down the lawn and jumped into the nearest shrub where he hid himself for half a minute. When Farley came walking gingerly by, Frankie leapt out and the two carried on with one of their tussles they'd practised inside their residence.

After quite a long time, Mr. B. came upon the two. The kittens ran towards him but stayed some distance away in case he was about to persuade them to return to the inside again. "Take your time boys," he said, surprisingly, "Come back inside for your next meal when you've had enough playing out here; you come back using the same cat door you went out by, next to the garage door."

And so it proved. Later, when they'd exhausted themselves they slipped back through the first door into the garage, and then the second door from the garage into the kitchen and found themselves back in the comfort of the great indoors, where they lay panting, eyes shining with pleasure at what they'd seen.

"We'd like to do this every day," said Frankie, "Is that possible?" His smaller friend sat still, waiting for the reply.

"Of course," said Cathie, "Fredcat's friend, Daisy, told us all about you kittens in an email posted on Frankie's guestbook, that's the type of kittens you are. Now that you've mastered all the cat doors, you have the freedom to come and go as you please. You've both been carefully trained and the friendly v*t says that as you're indoor/outdoor cats with a full set of claws you can go and be anywhere. You have your microchip ID so if perchance you get lost we'll know where you are. There aren't any other felines around here so you're very safe. You both know to stay away from the road - cars or lorries can be very dangerous - and don't go burrowing into holes, either! You have to be safe at all times. The Famous One did it, and now you need to, too."

The kittens purred contentedly. Soon they were nestled in the arms of attentive humans ready for their next big sleep. But first a big snack! This was the time of their lives, thought Cathie, they're good boys.

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